Greatest Christmas Present

[hadit]

Greatest Christmas Present

DD, I could have written that post. I hit rock bottom at the weekend. I cann either keep drinking and die prematurily or Stop Drinking anhd live!! I have started on AB again.It worked last time and It will work this time. Just need to keep taking the drug.Have you considered it? PM me if you want. The most wonderful Christmas present we could give ourselves and family and friends is to remain sober. Are you with me?

[hadit]

Greatest Christmas Present

DD I have found in the past and now,having a buddy is so helpful especially when you are in that very dark place.

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Thanks for support

Absolutely awful weekend. Have been tapering, Friday and Saturday eves drank one bottle of wine each night instead of nearly two bottles. Last night had one and a half cans of beer. On all three nights had horrid withdrawal symptoms, but last night was without doubt the worst, myoclonic jerks galore, ectopic heart beats, profuse sweating. In addition to all of this had pains in back and lower and upper abdomen and a very frightening dream. The good news is my heart has not raced, pulse feels normal, those ectopic beats I have been told not to worry about in the past by the doctor.

Strange thing is that the withdrawals only really happen at night, I suppose that is because the last few drinking times were confined to evenings, never day time.

Doctor tonight. I don't think I am in danger of having a seizure but also feel that tapering is dangerous as I have so many pains in my body I think it needs a complete break from alcohol.

Only four more working days then I have a break for Christmas. Will just have to ride out the withdrawals.
DD

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Today has been even worse

Boiler has gone on the blink, spent three hours trying to sort out a plumber, also feel raging with anger towards close family member, absolutely steaming, now trapped in my flat waiting for plumber who I hope appears before doctor's appointment as I need that. My gut reaction to all this is to get raging, steaming drunk, today is supposed to be first day sober. I've got a lot of work to do so I can't get drunk, also I think I have really damaged my liver/pancreas/gallbladder (or all three) so I can't risk more damage!! If I drink now I know I could die....... and yet I still want that way out right now

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Help!

Have now drunk loads and will have to go to the doctor drunk .

Boiler is fixed, plumber came, at great expense. I have got no work done, but lots of cleaning and tidying to get flat looking respectable for plumber!! Also after he had been I went out and bought Christmas presents for work colleagues.

God I need help, am going to ask doctor for diazepam to help with withdrawals from coming off drink and then ask for antabuse, I know my doctors are reluctant to prescribe either of these they seem to see the answer in AA or CBT or some other form of counselling.

I have instructed my parents to invite their plumbers for Christmas Day instead of me as mum apparently "kissed them goodbye" last time, but my dad refused to give me their number as he did not want me to "interfere with their tight schedule".

Have now been to the doctor, waiting to hear back re diazepam she is going to ring me back. I know the answer will be no , but all I want is 5x2mg . I also asked her for antabuse once I had stopped drinking.
........................... and the answer is no..... as I predicted ! ..... really fed up! Oh I snapped at her, I need help to get off alcohol

Sobbing, feeling angry as when the doctor phoned me back just now I explained that 5 x2mg was nothing in the Diazapam world, I am really cross that they are refusing me this ..... and terrified of what is to come.

She was talking about "doing the best for me" but implying that would mean some other form of treatment, I stressed to her that I could never take time off work, if anyone knew that would be death to my career.

Feel really fed up
Fu***** angry and frighetned

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Upset and worried

This has been a nightmare. No diazepam and nearly three bottles of wine. I want to stop but I need help. I have just rung the emergency doctors service . I need diazepam to stop. Have also emailed my doctor. Feel terribly unhappy, I really want to go to work tomorrow as have planned some lovely things.

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

This thread is out of date, I have now been completely sober for 2 days and that awful raging anger has been replaced by hope!! xx

[paulywogg]

Greatest Christmas Present

Thank goodness DD! you can do this

[Pavati]

Greatest Christmas Present

Hooray, DD. I'm so glad you're feeling better. What a difference a day makes.

[Londoner]

Greatest Christmas Present

Good to hear DD

Keep it up and you will feel much better by the time Xmas day arrives.

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Good News

I did have a sober Christmas, really lovely time most of the time, with some flat parts, but also a lot of peace, laughter and happiness with family. However on boxing day night after midnight I did drink, this was once I had left my family, the next morning I finished it off, but that is huge progress as apart from that I have been sober a whole week!!!

When I did drink it was awful, was very sick the next day and ashamed....... all the usual, but magnified!! I am determined and feel boosted up by getting this week in (apart from that one night and morning)

I do seem to have a pattern, this year every single holiday I have had from work I have sorted myself out, got sober and stayed sober for all/most of the holiday then when I have returned to work I have gone back to drinking every eve after work.

Am going to AA once a week at the moment as I like it.

Lots of love to all and hopes for a sober new year.

One day at a time I do want to be sober for the rest of my life!. xxx

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Have just read through all of this thread and can see the rage I felt previously, re boiler going on the blink. Interestingly since then it went wrong again (clearly it needs a big fix or replacing) but having watched the plumber very carefully last time today I just thought right I am going to do this ... I opened the boiler up, then adjusted the pressure .... initially water gushed everywhere but I had a bowl under it remained calm.... thought back to what the plumber did and to my amazement I did it . I fixed the pressure, it had dropped too low.

Also computer is really playing up, the drivers need updating and all sorts of other things need doing too, I will have to send it away to be fixed. I could not reply to threads in the normal way on here, so experimented and found that by pressing the F5 key first I can reply to messages.

Both boiler and computer are going to need long term fixes but it is nice to know that I have temporarily managed to trouble shoot, I could never work out these sort of solutions if I was drinking!

[treetops]

Greatest Christmas Present

Hi there DD - glad for you that you were mostly sober over Christmas. Try to keep it that way in the days ahead.
I have found that dealing with crises (whether fixing things or dealing with people) are so much easier and less stressful with AL - and the moodiness AL inspires - completely out of the picture. And it sounds like its making a difference for you too.

[DreamThinkDo]

Greatest Christmas Present

Darkest Diamond;1604275 wrote: [B]I do seem to have a pattern, this year every single holiday I have had from work I have sorted myself out, got sober and stayed sober for all/most of the holiday then when I have returned to work I have gone back to drinking every eve after work.

DD, a sober Christmas is a good starting point! I was going to suggest that maybe you should just stay away from work, but, since we have to live in the real world, maybe not such a brilliant suggestion:H:H.

Go to meetings, post here (when the silly computer allows) and just approach life one small step at a time - things will work out, that I truly believe.

[Unwasted]

Greatest Christmas Present

Hi DD, just wanted to send you a cyber hug. Hope things are getting better -- I'm right there with you in a new commitment to be done with alcohol. Best to you, xx UN :l