Greatest Christmas Present

[Darkest Diamond]

I have had a terrible weekend.

On each evening I have drunk solidly for hours and hours . This is no way to live. In the daytime I felt too wrecked to do anything, I am glad today is a Monday, a working day!

Tonight I must not drink (if I feel bad withdrawals I will get through them with beer, I hate beer, wine is my drink)

This year my alcoholism has brought me to my knees ..... over and over again, I hate the way I feel it is killing me, it shuts me off from my friends and family, it shuts out hope, physically I am addicted, so this is going to be tough, also it shuts out my brain, I love the way when I am at work I can think deeply, also at weekends during the day I can think deeply, sadly not this weekend as I was too boozed up from the night before!!

I really truly have had enough. I want my life back and I want me back, physically it has its claws into me too, I feel very tired, in fact exhausted.

I hate my drinking self. I love my sober self.

It all sounds so simple .

Throughout the Christmas season I am going to keep reading and posting. For me the greatest Christmas present would be to get well and stay sober xxxx

[Pavati]

Greatest Christmas Present

Hi, DD-

That sounds a lot like my weekend last weekend. See if you can make it through the night without even a beer - the quicker you get the al out of your system, the better you'll feel. A hot bath, lots of liquids and lots of reading here. Especially the tool box where you will learn how to make a plan. Try reading Byrdie's idea about making a plan on page 33, but there are many good ideas there. They all start with "get the alcohol out of the house!"

As someone with recent experience, I can tell you it does get better. Hang on tight.

[available]

Greatest Christmas Present

DD sorry to hear you are having a hard time with AL.

I too remember the constant drinking, the waking feeling so bad that nothing takes away the hangover or the shakes or the emotions of knowing you have to stop but not really knowing how. Not thinking I was strong enough to give up AL.

I knew for a couple of months that AL was well and truly starting to take over my life, the blackouts were getting worse, I could see the look in my childrens eyes of disappointment and despair, my health was deteriorating. I could not in my heart admit it was the AL, I didnt want to give up my buddy, my pal, my best friend.

Then the other night my son told me i smelt like a brewery and I was pissed and go to bed. I was so ashamed, i knew this was finally the wake up call i needed. i have finally realised that AL is not my best friend, he is my worst enemy. I had had enough, completely and utterly had enough of this merry go round of being an alcoholic.

I love waking up sober,having sober conversations, dealing with life sober, not craving for the end of the day so i can start drinking myself into oblivion. I love the support and guidance of my friends on here. I post like a lunatic, they understand. I am beginning to like myself again.

You can do this DD. I just wake up everyday and my mantra is "I will not drink today" and for today I don't. It is hard, it is fucking hard but it is doable and you can do this, one day at a time. We will be here for you.

[Elvis]

Greatest Christmas Present

DD, I used to look forward to Mondays too because it meant I was out of the house at work and not drinking. Hang in there, it sounds like you are at the right time to change things. Just get through today without drinking. Make sure you eat something and drink plenty of water and Gatorade. The first day is rough, but it gets better. Just take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time if you need to. I've been there, we all have, you can get through this.

[shelbysmiles]

Greatest Christmas Present

DD-I'm only a little bit ahead of you - 3 days sober. Get through today, and remember this can be the last time you have to feel like this. I've quit time and time again only to get sucked back in. This is my last quit. Make it your last quit too. Load up on fluids and snacks and post when you are feeling weak. Someone will be here to help.

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Update

So far so good, it is nearly half past nine in the evening and I have been sipping beer (yuck) so far had half a small can , maybe less than that by the feel of it. Will not have any more now unless I start to jolt and jerk. Providing all is ok tonight, tomorrow should be first AF day.

I am excited about having a sober Christmas, right now I feel very sweaty one minute, then cold the next. This I can cope with. I also feel very tired, but have loads of work to do, for once this is not bothering me as I think it will help take my mind off the sweatiness etc.

Thanks to all for support, really appreciate it. One good thing is I have eaten loads today and about to eat more, lots of fruit ,veg, protein and some good old carbs. Also have had a drink called lucozade I think this might be the English version of what Americans call Gartorade.

DD xx

[spiderwoman]

Greatest Christmas Present

Hi DD, sorry you're having such a rotten time, I've been there, got the T-shirt and often ended up with a couple of black eyes after such a weekend! Try not to think about what you must not do, try and think about what you want to do, the mind shift about not wanting to drink rather than forbidding it might just help a bit. Planning your evenings in the first weeks is an absolute necessity, make it a prioity to have a long bath, watch a movie, chat on the phone to a friend or whatever and keep a glass of something non-alcoholic at all times, do not let that glass get empty and even have 2.

This time last year I was a shivering mess, wondering what the hell I was going to do and how would I cope with no booze for 90 days, that was my first goal and I couldn't think beyond that, if anybody had suggested I'd never have another drink I'd have told them exactly where they could go, and probably now to get there. You need to make your quit all about you, be selfish, have a lot of rewards, be rude and ignorant when you have to be and don't ever try to justify it. Smart arse people will trot out sayings like "all things in moderation" and for them that works, for a die-hard drinker its the finest excuse on the planet. Like many others on here I would love to have a sociable glass of wine, champagne for celebrations etc, love them all, but you know what it doesn't love me any more than it loves you.

Its no picnic, but it is so, so worth it, good luck xx

[spiderwoman]

Greatest Christmas Present

Lucozade is great DD, another thing I found ace is Sainsbury's apple & lime fizzy water, as a white wine drinker it really hit the spot, drunk cold in a wine glass it did the trick many a night. Where in the UK are you?

[Pavati]

Greatest Christmas Present

Good job, DD. Tomorrow is Day 1 for the rest of your life! Keep it up...

[Myluck]

Greatest Christmas Present

DD - you are going yo make it - it gets better. You are doing great - please post here often. We here to help.

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Quick update before work

Thanks again to everyone for support it really helps, I know that I have said this before but I love the way that we are all in different countries.

Went to bed very late and woke up very early but I did sleep well. No real shaking or muscle spasms apart from a couple of tiny ones , lots of sweating, but that is to be expected!! (In the end I think it was less than half a can of beer that I drank, I wonder if that staved off withdrawals or if I didn't really need it!)

Today should be AF day 1, still worried about withdrawals, but not at all shaky as I type so perhaps I am going to be ok, one of my biggest fears has been that I will have some awful withdrawal at work, but this has never happened. If I can get and stay sober it will be wonderful to be rid of all the terrors of withdrawal.

Quite a hectic day ahead of me at work so grateful not to be feeling sick etc. Feel excited about Christmas.

DD xx

[DreamThinkDo]

Greatest Christmas Present

DD, good to hear from you again - even though you are struggling. In my first couple of days AF, I tried to put myself on autopilot as much as possible - just doing the next indicated thing, as somebody put it, without thinking too much about anything.

I really hope that you'll be able to put 15 nicely wrapped boxes filled with AF days under the Xmas tree. You know that we'll help in everything way that we can so that you can do it. Good luck, and hugs.

[Darkest Diamond]

Greatest Christmas Present

Total fail this week. Trying again to stop. Seeing doctor tomorrow.

[Softy]

Greatest Christmas Present

Darkest Diamond;1599216 wrote: Total fail this week. Trying again to stop. Seeing doctor tomorrow.

Keep trying and it will come

If you don't try it won't

I admire your tenacity to keep trying

Well done you:goodjob:

[Pavati]

Greatest Christmas Present

DD- Seeing your doctor is a good idea. I hope you're ok!