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[startover]

:new:
Not too sure where to start, but I guess I'll share what happened the other night, which has brought me here today. My friend, who's going through a separation right now, called me to go out. When I pulled up to her house she came out wearing stiletto black boots and a short dress, and I though "ok, I know where this night is going." We ended up at several bars and having several drinks, me, just going with her flow. She called over 2 guys, who ended up following us around for the night and buying us shots etc. I'm married with 2 kids and made it perfectly clear I was not interested in anything extra that evening. She, however was. Against my better judgment we ended up going in their car back to one of the guys house. She proceeded to hook up while I hung out with this other guy. Knowing I was not interested in him or attracted to him, came onto me anyway. I guess I should have known better not to even get us into that situation, but I was really drunk. He ended up all over me, and the more I said no, the harder he tried. I had to fight him off and ended up with bruises all over my one arm and sprained the other hand. I also have marks and scratches all over the side of my neck. Thankfully he backed off. I have no one to blame but myself, and I feel like shit. I've had to hide the marks with make up and keep a happy face for my children these past few days.

This may sound like one really unfortunate situation, but truth is I get drunk a lot. It was just a matter of time before something bad happened. I'm scared for myself and what will happen when I drink. It's rarely ever a night of just one or two, have fun enjoying my friends company and call it a night. My brother even is worried and I only see him a few times a year.

I've behaved badly when drinking for many years. I feel terrible and embarrassed like my world is crashing in around me. I don't want my husband to know what happened mostly because I don't want him to worry. I do believe that the past should stay in the past, but I cannot put this one away.

Today I will not drink for me or my family, but I could use some encouragement for tomorrow. Thanks for listening

[NoSugar]

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Welcome, Startover

I'm sorry you feel so awful today but I'm glad you weren't hurt and that the situation did not get further out of control :l.

I put a long post on another thread today about my thoughts on what makes a person decide to be done and then just go for it. It seems to depend on how much of AL's sh*t you can tolerate. If I were you, I would make this "rock bottom" and have today be day 1 of truly living an AF life! Write down for yourself exactly how you feel and refer back to that if you start losing your resolve.

You would be welcome to join the Newbies Nest where people at all stages of this are helping one another become and stay AF. There is a link given below as is one to the Toolbox which is full of good ideas to help you make a plan.

Have you started making a plan? A good way to begin is to read as much as you can around here. You'll see you're not alone and you'll also be encouraged to see there are many who have been exactly where you are now and really have found a way out with all the support found here and elsewhere.

Glad you found the site. I look forward to getting to know you better.

:h NS

[mama bear]

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thinking of you...hugs

[Dottie Belle]

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Welcome startover. You have found a great place. Check out the newbies nest and the tool box. The links are below my signature. Make a plan for today and how to handle your friend should she want to have another "night out". We cant make bad decisions if we are not in the situation to begin with..
Looking forward to getting to know u.

[K9Lover]

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Welcome Startover!

There are so many things that "could have" happened to me when I was drunk, that I am thankful to be alive and in one piece. Like you said, it was just a matter of time before something bad happened. Drinking is like playing Russian Roulette, eventually you WILL find the bullet. The only way to avoid it is to stop playing.

Please keep posting, you will find that it helps A LOT...plus we can get to know you better that way! I hope to hear more from you soon!

K9

[available]

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Welcome Start and you have found a great place to come to for support.

As K9 says it is like Russian Roulette, i am not sure how i made it to the age I did putting myself out there with men, someone was looking over me i think. In my later years I was a stay at home drunk, hide myself away and drink both a vicious circle that needs to be broken. I have now decided to stop due to my adult children, late as it may be they still deserve a mum who will be here for them.

Good luck and keep on here.

[bkyogagurl]

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Start over-

Man I remember those days. I'm 44 now and have 15 years of marriage barely under my belt & 3 awesome boys. How old are you? First off- yes you put yourself in a bad situation but that DOES NOT give some asshole the right to try to take advantage of you. And some one attacking you drunk or sober is not your FAULT. At least you are here making the effort today. If you need to talk feel free to PM me. I have a lot of understanding of being drunk and not knowing how to find a way out.
I am still working on my drinking but have found some alternative ways of thinking and dealing with it.

Take care of you and be kind to yourself. It's hard but do it- it really does help because you really are a good person and you deserve to beat this.

[startover]

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Only have a minute to check in before I get into dinner and pj routine w the kids. Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond today. Yes, I'm still beating myself up, but I do realize now that I can stop doing this over and over again year after year. I'm just 40, and in my family we have a saying that when we do something wrong or say something we didn't mean we say to each other "can we please start over?" It finally took that asshole to physically hurt me for me to start over.

I've taken today to read through the many posts which has been very helpful. I was searching and luckily I've found you. Check in tomorrow. Thanks again all

[MossRose]

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startover - First I just want to say hi and welcome. Glad you found us, and posted your story. We all have (too) many stories just like yours, so you are in good company. We understand. However, as bad as you feel about yourself right now, please don't add what that asshole did to you onto the list. That's all on him.

But I understand that you are probably very distressed about the entire situation. I can't add much to the good advice you have gotten, except to say that I agree with the others. As K9 said, The only way to avoid it is to stop playing." Best wishes to you and hope to get to know you better.

[j-vo]

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Hi Start,
Thanks for sharing your story. You have very good intentions to "get better" and have come to the right place. Check out the toolbox in the monthly abstinence thread. Very good stuff. And you're not unique. We ALL "get" you. Really, we do. Welcome.

[Pavati]

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Welcome, Startover, to a great place. Listen to the advice above... I was in a DARK place last weekend, and really can't express the relief I have felt in the strength of all of these people here on MWO supporting me. I am on Day 8 and already feeling so much better.

I will reiterate, what that asshole did has nothing to do with you, but I can still hear you wanting to deal with alcohol in your life...

[startover]

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Good morning,
Again, thank you for your support. I can hide things really well esp. drinking and drinking a lot, as you probably already know. I come from a long line of professional addicts and have learned many things. Monday, easy, Tuesday ok, now I'm headed into the weekend planning phase come Wednesday and it makes me nervous. I'll start out my weekend early, probably by Wednesday afternoon by hitting the package store before I pu the kids from school. Drinking and cooking are my favorite things to do together. Typically, I'll drink all afternoon and eve into night, wine is my favorite, but I'll drink whatever for the next 4 nights. I start to get a buzz and I can't stop, I'll just drink until I either throw up or go to bed/pass out. The kids and husband don't realize how much I can drink because I still do all the normal mom stuff. After the weekend I'm depleted and recovering, so that's why Mondays and early week are ok.

So, today I have a goal to make a plan for myself. Yesterday I put in my phone calendar "kids", so that when I woke up this morning seeing that reminded me to keep going on trying to live without drinking. For now I'll keep reading.:thankyou:

[startover]

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Good morning,
Again, thank you for your support. I can hide things really well esp. drinking and drinking a lot, as you probably already know. I come from a long line of professional addicts and have learned many things. Monday, easy, Tuesday ok, now I'm headed into the weekend planning phase come Wednesday and it makes me nervous. I'll start out my weekend early, probably by Wednesday afternoon by hitting the package store before I pu the kids from school. Drinking and cooking are my favorite things to do together. Typically, I'll drink all afternoon and eve into night, wine is my favorite, but I'll drink whatever for the next 4 nights. I start to get a buzz and I can't stop, I'll just drink until I either throw up or go to bed/pass out. The kids and husband don't realize how much I can drink because I still do all the normal mom stuff. After the weekend I'm depleted and recovering, so that's why Mondays and early week are ok.

So, today I have a goal to make a plan for myself. Yesterday, I put in my phone calendar "kids", so that when I woke up this morning seeing that reminded me to keep going on trying to live without drinking. For now I'll keep reading.:thankyou:

[bkyogagurl]

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Good morning Start-

Sounds like almost exactly where I was when I was 40. It will get more and more difficult to perform your mom duties if you keep drinking heavily. It will wear your body down slowly. I will write more in a bit I have to run my little guy to school.

[K9Lover]

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Hi Start!

How are you doing today? I thought I was doing all the normal mom stuff too when I was drinking, but my daughter has since informed me that it was very obvious when I was drunk. And I thought I played it off so well!

Stick close to us, I know it's hard at first, but it DOES get easier!

K9