Im new and need some help please

[garden girl]

Hi everybody I keep posting a thread but dont seem to get any replys third time lucky. Im 45 with two beautiful girls but have been drinking heavily for five years now, when you see it actually written down in front of you it is soooooo terrifing. Yesterday was my daughters 11th birthday and even though i promised my self i woudnt drink i still ended up opening the wine at 6.45pm. I hate myself so much for letting everyone down, both my girls and my husband. Things have got so bad at home my husband cannot cope at all with my drinking and although its not every day and although most of the time i am a really good mum I know that my drinking if affecting my children I just want to stop wanting a drink so this is my official first AF day . Any other mums out there feel as guilty as I do?

[rob]

Im new and need some help please

Good Mornin Garden!! I've been lurking here for some time and its great to see so many new faces.

Do you have a plan for staying AF? That seems to be a common theme here, make a plan and keep coming here to read, learn and find loads of support.

Best wishes
Roberta

[imatree]

Im new and need some help please

Oh yes. garden girl. I'm a mom, and for years I told myself that because I was never fully drunk (except for a few instances) in front of my daughter she was not suffering the trials of having a drinking parent. I grew up with alcoholic parents and there was lots of abuse, fights, etc. I figured well, I dont' do that, but truth be told, I would be much better at giving her what she needs if I weren't always drinking. Like... I wouldn't rush bedtime if I weren't so anxious to get it over with so i can get back to my wine. I'd have more energy to play wiht her after work if I weren't hungover. Maybe I would be more patient and tolerant. I'd have more money to take her on vacations. I'd be more social - she longs for spending time with others, but I avoid everyone who doesn't drink like me, and because I'm so busy hiding my drink. I presume that once I make it to longterm AF that I'll realize other shortcomings of being an alcohol-dependent mother. Oh, one thing I do know that will be so good for her in me being sober - I pretty much lack self respect. Not a good example to set for a girl going into puberty. And I am terrified at times that she will become dependent on alcohol as she gets older. Can't be good for a kid to see so many beer and wine bottles around, like it's as common as bread and water.

I wish you well, garden gal. And I'm glad you are here. Let's move forward into our futures together.... you, me and all the great folks here on this forum. Since being on this site I have found a whole bunch of heroes.

[garden girl]

Im new and need some help please

hi roberta at last people to talk to! I dont really have a plan, ive been trying to give up now for a couple of months and have tried to get myself stronger in my mind by exercise, meditation and positive thinking but somehow although i feel less anxious { i suffer from anxiety } i seem to be drinking more each time i drink. I did try aa a couple of years ago and stopped for five weeks but i found AA very soul destroying when you you just have to keep reminding yourself you are an alcoholic, I just want to feel normal again how many days have you been af?

[garden girl]

Im new and need some help please

Thanks for that I always have told myself that I drink too much and I always find myself saying sorry the next morning to my girls, I really just want this to be the last morning I do that. I do believe that if you keep trying you can succeed I hope this website will be my life saver I have been trying so hard to do this on my own and constantly failing. I hate this anxious feeling that occurs the day after drinking.

[YoungAtHeart]

Im new and need some help please

Hi Garden Girl,

Have you looked into any of the supplements that are recommended in the book or downloaded the book yet? There is a wealth of information there that can really help you be hopeful and jumpstart your program. The exercise, meditation and positive thinking are great, but there is a lot more that you can do to help yourself to beat this!

I recommend downloading the book if you haven't already. Many people have had great success following the program with the supplements!

All the best to you, and imatree and rob, as well!

[Kathy123]

Im new and need some help please

Garden Girl,

Welcome to you!! So glad you are here and I hope this can be the beginning of a great new phase in your life!!

Advice re: not being able to see your message or get replies--be sure to hit the "Refresh" button when you go back to the previous screen. Otherwise you might not see your added message. Just a thought...

I'm a stay-at-home mom of two boys (ages 3 & 6) who are perfectly healthy but both very active and not very obedient. As of 3 days ago, I was drinking almost 2 bottles of wine, every single evening, b/c I thought there was no other way I could deal with the stress. I quit cold turkey with a brand new, motivated mind set beginning last Saturday. This morning marks the 4th morning that I am waking up feeling like a million bucks, versus tired, ashamed, and unproductive for the rest of the day. I am so glad I've been able to make it this far. For me, albeit at this early stage, each day is easier. I focus on how giving in to one brief craving will mean more hours of feeling awful, I focus on how wonderful I feel the next day, I view alcohol as a poison, I don't blame myself for anything, AND I check this board about 10 times a day to remind myself that I am not alone. I could not do it w/out this site. Stay involved with it.
p.s. I'm not do any meds, and so far so good. I'm sure it's a very personal, physical issue that's different with each person.
Again, welcome!

[Breez]

Im new and need some help please

Hi & Welcome!
Ditto everything Young mentioned. The book explains the MWO program & everyone here has tweaked the program one way or another to suit their needs.

Have a plan & goal. Every step forward is an accomplishment -no matter how small. Remember-baby steps.

[Accountable for Me]

Im new and need some help please

Welcome garden girl. Just as everyone else here, I say take it one day at a time. Obtain the tools (vitamins/literature, etc.) to help you with your recovery and over-all health and well being. Come here often and find the support you need. Read and post as much as you need to. It has helped me in ways I never thought possible. Because of this wonderful network of people I have over 4 months of AF with one day having two glasses of wine. I NEVER thought it would be possible and honestly - I thought I was going to die a drunk. I am a stay at home mom of a two year old. She has no concept of my problems, and I just thank God for that right now.

One of the vicious parts about drinking is the guilt that comes along with it. The more we feel guilt and shame the more it triggers us to drink. (apart from the actual addiction). Work on letting go of the guilt you feel. Try feeding your mind full of positive thoughts. You can do this!! It is hard, and there is no miracle cure - or else we wouldn't be here. Hold your head up high and know you are worthy of a happy, healthy life! Baby steps.

[ducky]

Im new and need some help please

:new: Hi All,

I am new here as well, though I have been lurking for some time. I decided it's time to start posting. I have been drinking most every night since I was in my mid 20s, when I got divorced. I come from an alcoholic family and so it was natural to use alcohol to help with the pain. I never got out of the habit though, and for the last few years (I am 48) I have realized it has grown to be a big problem. It saps my energy and I find I don't have the enthusiasm I should have to participate in life. I seem to just be waiting for the evening cocktail. And it has caused tension in my marriage as well. My husband likes to have a cocktail every night too, but he is happy with one and if he is alone doesn't have any at all.

I find I can moderate if I have some wine at the end of the day, after dinner, but not if I have a cocktail on a pre dinner empty stomach. My goal is to start having some alcohol free days each week, and to limit myself to a glass or two on the days I drink.

Like so many of you I am so tired of waking up and feeling like crap. I know I am missing out on a million things I could be doing in my life because of the drinking.

I look forward to getting to know you all.

Kris

[Janice]

Im new and need some help please

Welcome Kris, its good to hear from you! I am on AF day 9 and have only achieved that through this site which I found 2 weeks ago. I'm taking vitamins and supplements and I've ordered the cds. I would never have believed that I could go a day without my usual bottle of wine but I have. I'm motivated by how well I feel when I wake up each morning and how good I've slept compared to waking at 2am then having panic attacks about how much I've drunk and how much damage I'm doing to myself and not being able to get back to sleep. When it gets to that tough time of the day I get myself on here and it is such a help. You will read so many familiar stories that you will realise you are not alone with this. Why not post into the "newbies" thread each day on Just Starting Out. Good luck. Janice

[Janice]

Im new and need some help please

Garden Girl, don't worry about opening the wine - you're on here being honest about it to your friends. You know what you have to do girl!!! Just think how much gardening you will be able to get done!!! Actually, thats when I do miss and crave a drink - after an afternoon in the garden I always felt as if I'd earned it - "I deserve this!" I used to convince myself. Good luck with Day 1! Janice

[garden girl]

Im new and need some help please

thanks janice didnt get any gardening done today though as i seem to have spent all day on here reading. I feel so much better in myself, dont quite know what i want to eventually achieve as regards af versus moderate drinking, but I am happy to take each day at a time. My daughter came in a while ago and thinks its really cool !! that I am talking to lots of people about drinking too much I hope i dont let her or myself down.

[Arial]

Im new and need some help please

From another Mum

Hi Garden girl (and the many other people already posted) -

It sounds like we all have a lot in common, which is one of the wonderful things I find about this place - for the first time I'm not alone with my problem! And you're so right - just writing it down is a reality check - it's easy to delude yourself when you don't have to spell it out but when I share some experiences it really confirms how much of a problem it is/was.

If you really want this to happen it will - my girls are a great motivation, too, but it took many years of wasted time and memories before I got my act together. Keep a focus on what sort of role model you do want to be, what sort of memories you do want them to carry of you, what memories you want for yourself! - it will really help keep you focused on your goals!

The feeling of guilt is so awful - but it's also self-destructive and such a negative feeling that the best thing to do with it is use it - as a reminder of why you're not drinking any more! So move forward from here, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully it will be the start to a wonderful new life for you - take back control and decide where it's going to go from now on!

Warmest wishes,

[garden girl]

Im new and need some help please

Ariel a big THANKYOU for that it really hit home and on that note i am retiring to bed completely sober, I think that as mums who love our children so much the guilt is just so intense as the last thing we want to do is let our children down. So heres to a wonderful day tomorrow.

CHERISH YESTERDAY
DREAM ABOUT TOMORROW
LIVE FOR TODAY