A Poppy update

[poppy62]

Hi Guys happy Thursday its pouring hard here. I am back from my trip which was totally af even though there was two evening events so very pleased with that as its day 10 now usually the time the bad memories of the last drinking session start to fade and I go back to drinking. But not this time I am stopping strong and doing this if it kills me. Just one bug in the oinment my husband usually has a lot to say about my drinking which is fair comment as it causes many problems in our relationship. But he has not said a word about me not drinking for the past 10 days !!!! . Which I feel quite disappointed about as when I admitted I had a problem he was all for giving the support I need and now he is just ignoring it. Luckily I am doing this for me and I get so much support here that it is just a little niggle .

[NoSugar]

A Poppy update

poppy62;1598231 wrote: Hi Guys happy Thursday its pouring hard here. I am back from my trip which was totally af even though there was two evening events so very pleased with that as its day 10 now usually the time the bad memories of the last drinking session start to fade and I go back to drinking. But not this time I am stopping strong and doing this if it kills me. Just one bug in the oinment my husband usually has a lot to say about my drinking which is fair comment as it causes many problems in our relationship. But he has not said a word about me not drinking for the past 10 days !!!! . Which I feel quite disappointed about as when I admitted I had a problem he was all for giving the support I need and now he is just ignoring it. Luckily I am doing this for me and I get so much support here that it is just a little niggle .

You sound great, Poppy! So happy for you . I think odds are better that continuing to drink could kill you - you're saving your life by stopping!

If your husband has been more involved when you've tried to quit in the past, maybe he:
1. Doesn't believe you can do it. If that is the case, this is your opportunity to prove him wrong!
2. Is thinking that in the past, his involvement didn't help so he is taking a different approach this time.

Could either of those be at work?

Anyway, you're right that the main person you must be doing this for is yourself. Lucky for everyone in your life, they will get the benefits also!

Just think, you never have to be in single digits again! Congratulations on your 10 AF days :goodjob:.

[gambler]

A Poppy update

Hiyas Poppy

Great going on keeping strong and not giving in to the oldest trick in the book.

Yea I guess it could be one of those two things that NS suggested as to why your hubby is being silent..however It could be that he just does not know what to say...or do. Remember that most of us arnt the best at being the emotional touchy feely type. He could also be nervous about saying the wrong thing that would lead you astray. How about you ask him for a bit more support if you indeed need or want it. It could be as simple as he thinks this is something that you need to do for yourself ?

Meh..things will work itself out

Dave

[poppy62]

A Poppy update

Thank you both for your support . I did ask him and he said he just thought it would be better to say nothing !! men !!!!. We had a chat about it and realise he just does not know what to say so thank god for here as i get the chance to express how I am feeling and get help, advice and support , praise be to MWO !! . But on an up note feeling very positive about all this and it so nice to have a fresh mind and be rid of all the horrib anxiety and depression I get with drinking !! xx

[Pavati]

A Poppy update

That's why we have Dave around - he always has that XY perspective.

Stay strong, Poppy - I'm glad you talked to your husband and cleared the air.

[poppy62]

A Poppy update

Thank for all that guys a new fresh day 11 for me which feels great . Must admit being out the second night was harder not that I wanted to drink but I was envious of all the people in the resturant drinking and wished I could be a normal drinker like they appeard to be. BUT then I took a mental step back and thought how do I no none of these people are like me ???? majority of the time I hide my drinking problem when I was in company and hide the turmoil that was going on inside my head when I was in any social occasion where alcohol was involved. I also asked myself how many people in the restaurant would wake up the next morning with regret , shame and humiliation ? a thing I have done a million times before . A lot of my big binge drinking started when I got home after being out or when we had moved on from a restaurant . Funnily enough all these thought made the glasses of wine look a lot less appealing and my lime soda tasted quite liberating !!.

[j-vo]

A Poppy update

Poppy,
Glad your trip went well and especially with those two evenings. And well-done on day 10. The hubby thing, I probably would come right out and tell my husband, "Hey, I could use a little positive reinforcement, here honey, Been working really hard at this sobriety thing, and don't know if you've noticed, but I'd love some feedback. Wanna talk about it?" So that's what I would do. Anyhow, yes, this is a great place for support when it lacks in other places. Sometimes our husbands need to be reminded of how good we wives actually are!! Sometimes they're not as good with communication as we are.

[gambler]

A Poppy update

poppy62;1598265 wrote: Thank you both for your support . I did ask him and he said he just thought it would be better to say nothing !! men !!!!. We had a chat about it and realise he just does not know what to say so thank god for here as i get the chance to express how I am feeling and get help, advice and support , praise be to MWO !! . But on an up note feeling very positive about all this and it so nice to have a fresh mind and be rid of all the horrib anxiety and depression I get with drinking !! xx
Woman !! .. Just not knowing what to say eh..I thought that is what he was thinking. A lot of times us guys feel like we are walking on eggshells when it comes to the feelmales. Really. Damned if we do and damned if we dont kinda thing. Sure he could say something like "hey hun..doing real great on that not drinking gig." But thats about it. Lets say we say something like "Hey babe..you look great since you stopped drinking.". We leave ourselves wide open to attack ( believe me..we have been through this before ). Its all new to him too..remember that.

j-vo;1598547 wrote: Poppy,I probably would come right out and tell my husband, "Hey, I could use a little positive reinforcement, here honey, Been working really hard at this sobriety thing, and don't know if you've noticed, but I'd love some feedback. Wanna talk about it?" So that's what I would do. Anyhow, yes, this is a great place for support when it lacks in other places. Sometimes our husbands need to be reminded of how good we wives actually are!! Sometimes they're not as good with communication as we are.

Actually J-vo..for the most part we do realize how good our wives really are. We just have a hard time opening up to express ourselves. It leaves us feeling somehow emotionally Vulnerable. Sometimes not as good with communication ?? Try almost never . When we dont say anything thats because there is nothing to bitch about ( emotionally secure )..so its a good thing not just for us..but for you gals as well. I dont know what you would want us guys to say when being approached with a such a statement. "Um..no actually I dont want to talk about it..but if you would like to talk then tell me how You feel." ( *Hint* Never ask guy how he feels ). "Good job keeping sober..I know your trying hard but I really dont know what else to say. If this is what you really want.. and if there is anything you need just ask.". Just jot that down and keep it in your purse if you ever want an answer to basically any question involving emotional Wants from us. I have been lucky enough to understand a little more about how this whole Mars-Neptune ( Not Venus ) things works ..

Wishing you well from mans land :h

[Dottie Belle]

A Poppy update

gambler u crack me up...but u do speak wise and truthful words....