Kailey's Journey

[lead366]

Kailey's Journey

Hey Kailey: So sorry to hear this...but this happened to me a few times and it really does get easier. I think you will be back stronger than ever! The fact you jumped back on immediately after two days speaks volumes.......protect it my friend!! Yes-----in these early delicate days...we must do EVERYTHING to protect this valuable gift and be in a state of gratitude...that we can have a sober life.....today you are sober...and tomorrow I can send you a big congrats for day 2

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Thanks, Frances and Lead. You two have been a lot of support!

[Pavati]

Kailey's Journey

Kailey--

Sorry about your drinking. You were sounding so strong! Dust yourself off and maybe try to figure out what happened to make you make that decision to drink - and don't let it happen again. Now you know you can go 30+ days, you know you can't drink normally - take the choice off the table and join the AF live. One day at a time. You can do this!

[frances]

Kailey's Journey

How's it going Kailey? Hope you are doing okay!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Kailey's Journey

Hi Kailey,

I hope you come back and check in. Please know that your life story inspired me to make drastic changes in my relationship with my husband.... I piggy backed on your courage to tell my husband that drinking every night is no longer an option I can live with, and that he would, quite frankly, have to "choose" between me and Captain Morgan. It's been 3 days since I gave him that ultimatum, and so far, I'm in the lead.... but I'd like your opinion, and your encouragement, as I know you are sharing my struggles.

Hugs. :l Patty

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

NotHappyHourHappyLife;1640731 wrote: Hi Kailey,

I hope you come back and check in. Please know that your life story inspired me to make drastic changes in my relationship with my husband.... I piggy backed on your courage to tell my husband that drinking every night is no longer an option I can live with, and that he would, quite frankly, have to "choose" between me and Captain Morgan. It's been 3 days since I gave him that ultimatum, and so far, I'm in the lead.... but I'd like your opinion, and your encouragement, as I know you are sharing my struggles.

Hugs. :l Patty

I'm sorry Patty, that I didn't see this post sooner. I hope that things are going well for you.

For me, I truly hope that I've hit bottom. Every single morning I'm 100% ready to give up drinking forever only to open a (big) bottle of wine the minute I get home from work. I'm completely consumed by this battle again.

It's so clear to me that I need to stop drinking now. With the exception of the dark cloud of drinking (and the extra weight it's packed on me) my life is wonderful. I have great relationships with my grown children and my own mother. I have a very good executive level job, a nice home and a husband who I love who cares deeply for me. And, so far, good health.

Each one of those blessings in my life is in danger if I can't beat this addiction. I know that my life will be richer once I stop, and I truly don't know what is keeping me from doing it, except for the fact that my husband drinks daily and it's hard not to join him. Night after night I just push my "real" quit day to the next day. I can ask him not to drink, and he will agree, but he has no more ability to actually do it than I do. I know that when I finally quit that will help him stop, too, and that's another motivator for me.

I'm sorry, this is a little long and rambling. I just feel compelled to put it all out there. I desperately want today to be the day it all clicks for me. I'm painfully aware that it's all up to me to make that happen. I just need to start putting those AF days together no matter what.

Today will be a good test. It's Sunday, I often find myself rationalizing that if I start drinking at noon, I'll be in bed by 7 and should get enough sleep to feel okay by the time I have to get to work. How sad is that? I really associate gardening with drinking wine, so I might have to stay out of the garden today. That's too bad as it's a glorious sunny day, but that's not too high of a price to pay to get back on track.

Today I will not push my quit day off until tomorrow. It's too important, and if I do that Monday will turn to Tuesday, etc. Today is the day. Period.

[NoSugar]

Kailey's Journey

How is Evening #1 going, Kailey? It is worth whatever it takes :l.

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

It's going great! I'm so glad I have my mind in the right place. I even spent a fair time gardening with not too many urges to pour a glass of wine. I had to come inside a little bit ago. My husband is still outside, just vegging out in the patio after an afternoon of drinking. Normally, I would be right there with him.

One of the tools I'm planning to use this time is to keep sugar out of my diet. I don't normally eat much of it anyway, but lately it's slipping back in. I know I feel much better when I am eating low carb healthy foods.

Thanks for asking NS!

[hadit]

Kailey's Journey

Hello Kailey, I have just read all your posts and totally understand where u are coming from. My wife is a normal drinker and its is hard. I have never asked her to stop on account of my uncontrollable drinking. I just wish I could be like her. But I am not a normal drinker and never will be. Recently we were on holidays and sipped wine every night. But I always drank twice as much as her. I am back on day one again for the 100th time. I just wish it would click like everyone says it does!!! Hope you got through the evening ok and are still af.

[available]

Kailey's Journey

Hi Kailey and good on you for coming back. I had to read your thread from the beginning and it was really interesting. Pav and I were at 25 days when you started on here and now we are 5 months af. It has not been easy as we all know but one thing i did notice is you stopped posting for a time. Pav and I both come on mwo daily or twice daily to be accountable. This is our AA, our place where we have made friendships with people that truly understand alcohol addiction.

I became addicted to sugar, still am really and i looked in the mirror before and thought "damn girl you have gained some kilos" but i dont care. I am protecting my quit with all i have and if it means i want to eat sugar then i will, if i want to eat ice cream i will, if swinging from a chandelier means i wont drink, then i will do that. there will come a time when i will lose weight, i know that. Do not put too much pressure on yourself to "do this or not do that". The only thing you need to concentrate on is not drinking for today and then get to tomorrow and make it your goal not to drink for that day. One day at a time, 24 hours in a day until the next day. Keep on here like a lunatic and read and post. Concentrate on you and your quit.

Its hard to quit and its hard to stay away from al but once you have your life back you will never want to go back to where al has put you. I was a two bottle a night drinker, 7 days a week with very few days af, i could count those on my hand and a 20+ year drinker but being on here i have learnt so much and listened to the very very wise mwo'ers who have succeeded.

Good luck Kaily and you can do this. As a lot of us would say "if i can do this then anyone can".

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Thank you, Ava and Hadit! It feels really good to know there are people who can relate to this battle. Ava, I am taking your words to heart. There is nothing more important in my life at the moment than becoming AF. Nothing. I won't forget that, and one way to do that is to post, post ,post and not slink away if I slip up (which I won't!!)

Hadit, I'm glad to know someone who is in the same position I am. Let's take Ava's advice and make this quit our number one priority. One thing that is different between us though, my husband isn't a normal drinker like your wife, he's an alcoholic, just like me. It makes it so easy to drink night after night because I don't have to hide anything from him. Those days are over though!

[NoSugar]

Kailey's Journey

hadit;1660244 wrote: ... I am back on day one again for the 100th time. I just wish it would click like everyone says it does!!!
It does seem to just click at some point (thank goodness!) but I don't think you can force it to happen nor can you sit back, read some posts on MWO, check in occasionally, and wait for it to happen.

I agree with Ava: It has not been easy as we all know but one thing i did notice is you stopped posting for a time. Pav and I both come on mwo daily or twice daily to be accountable. This is our AA, our place where we have made friendships with people that truly understand alcohol addiction.

If an online forum is your main tool for getting over an addiction, you've got to use it. You have to actively set the conditions in place for the switch to occur. I think this is what Alan Carr and Jason Vale try to do in their books. They take you along step by step, repeating themselves over and over, trying to get you to the place where you are receptive to the idea that you are never going to drink again, that there is no reason to, that there are many reasons not to, and that you are relieved by and happy with this decision.

For some people those books are sufficient to prime them for the switch. The Alan Carr book helped me get very close in the last half of 2012. I had several stretches of days and a few of weeks AF during that period. But the circuit breaker in my brain kept flipping that switch back. And I would be right back to yet another day 1. Each failure eroded my confidence that I would ever break free.

I finally realized that something had to change. Alan Carr had taken me to the place that I could tell it could be done but I needed help. So, I checked out several online support groups and chose this one.

These are the things that worked for me:

1. I spent a great deal of time on here reading and reading - new posts, old posts, links that people shared - all of it.
2. I jumped in and started posting, asking questions, and offering support (mostly the "Yeah, Rah" sort at first but as I gained confidence, I dared to give some suggestions).
3. I made public commitments here to always post and get a response before I drank.
4. I made online friends and for once, my people-pleasing perfectionist personality was an asset - I didn't want to "look bad" or let anyone who had helped me down. I didn't want to sound like a total hypocrite to those I had strongly encouraged not to drink.

My point is, I think that for a social network to function, most people have to be really engaged. I would encourage you to find a thread or two (The Newbies Nest was mine at the beginning) where the people posting share your goals and where the degree of "toughness" is what you need. Where you are offered companionship and support and where, if you have another day 1 you are warmly welcomed back but where, instead of having that condoned, you get help revising your plan.

There is evidence this works. On the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...387-88058.html thread, there are several people who have plenty of day ones in their past who are getting it done this time. I think that by being involved in that thread and elsewhere on MWO, they primed their switches and at some point - they flipped!

This really can be your last day one - it is completely in your power to never take another drink. Do what it takes day by day not to drink that day. While you accomplish that daily goal, do the work to prepare yourself to become someone who not only didn't drink that day, but who doesn't drink.

[j-vo]

Kailey's Journey

NoSugar;1660273 wrote:
There is evidence this works. On the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...387-88058.html thread, there are several people who have plenty of day ones in their past who are getting it done this time. I think that by being involved in that thread and elsewhere on MWO, they primed their switches and at some point - they flipped!
.[/I]

Kailey,
I'm gonna jump in here and say that I am one that this has happened to...I am getting this done. I did a lot of priming, and all of a sudden, the flip switched. If you notice my join date, I've been struggling for a long time. The al voice kept coming back, and I didn't know that the addictive voice is a part of this whole disease. It tells you you can moderate, and I kept listening instead of listening to the truth. Now I know the truth and I've been set free. If you can commit yourself to this site, commit to learning from others, helping others, and sticking with a well thought-out plan. Read the toolbox and taylor your plan to fit yourself. Join us in the Ladies on a Mission thread, because so many of us there are building up days and offer support daily. We have all been there and are building new lives. We can do this together.

[NoSugar]

Kailey's Journey

Love your new signature line, J-vo :l. There is power is a group.

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Thank you for the feedback! I had a thread I loved that was really helping me. I can't remember what it was called, but I think it evolved into the Ladies on a Mission Thread. I will try and make a home there. I'm at work, so it will have to wait until tonight. For now, all I can say is that Monday mornings at work without a thick head, or worse, a hangover, rock! I'm even visiting with my co-workers instead of hiding in my office hoping no one comes in!