Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Kailey's Journey

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 7
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 4 7 template Next
    #1

    Kailey's Journey

    As I look back on 2013 I acknowledge that once again my struggle with alcohol dominated the year.

    The same thoughts over and over and over. Will I drink? I'll just drink today and quit tomorrow. Why did I drink? I won't drink again. Maybe I'll just drink one more day. I'll quit tomorrow. What a vicious cycle.

    I am truly ready to be done with the roller coaster. In the last week I was AF for four days. I really struggled to get through each day but was happy to be experiencing Christmas week sober, and really proud of myself.

    Last night though, after spending a wonderful Christmas day with family, I came home and drank myself silly. I didn't enjoy it one bit and was mad at myself from the first sip. Today I have that familiar sluggish feeling and depressed mood.

    So, I'm going to do something I've contemplated for a long time. I'm starting a thread to track my progress out of this hell. My promise to myself is to be as brutally honest as I can as I find my path to sobriety. I will do everything in my power to be AF from this day forward. If it doesn't happen, I will post here and move forward because I will never give up. My goal, though, is to leave the excuses behind and start living the AF life that I dream of. It's all up to me.

    Today is Day 1.
    You had the power all along, my dear.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Kailey's Journey

    Hi, Kailey

    It is up to you but you don't have to do it alone :l.

    Frankly, I think it is the rare person who can do this without support so I hope you really use what MWO has to offer.

    Comment

      #3
      Kailey's Journey

      Kailey-I'm in the same boat, what a waste of time huh? I'm going to do it this time, there is no going back. It's done, time to move on and I can't wait Good luck to you. You CAN do this.


      AF since 12/26/13

      "...........just put one foot in front of the other and move forward. One step at a time." Chris McCombs

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dJ97Vwoup4

      Comment

        #4
        Kailey's Journey

        Kaily - I know this unfortunately too well - " I will quit next Monday, or after holidays, or after vacation". It is always seems to be a reason to postpone. Same was for me for years and years. Time is now.
        AF since 10/20/2013
        Smoke free since 09/24/2007
        Meat free since 09/20/2008
        ---------------------------------------
        With will one can do anything - Samuel Smiles

        Comment

          #5
          Kailey's Journey

          Welcome Kaily

          So many Day 1's for me and so many no day 1's where i drank 7 days a week for weeks and months and months until one binge woke me up to starting on my af journey. There is nothing fun about drinking at all. The last few days I have thought "just have one", "it wont hurt" but I cant do that. We alkies can't have just one.

          Good luck and you have found a great site for support and strength to keep winning this battle.
          AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

          Comment

            #6
            Kailey's Journey

            Hi Kaily!
            Welcome back. This is the best place to be, to connect with others. I would do the same things. Try to keep it together for the most part (sometimes I didn't make it) and then lose it when I got home and drink myself into oblivion. Take it ODAT and you can beat this!
            Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

            Comment

              #7
              Kailey's Journey

              Habit is overcome by habit, you can do this!!
              (AF since 17 May 2014) 2 years 5 months sober

              Comment

                #8
                Kailey's Journey

                Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I'm feeling miserable and lethargic today after last night's blowout, but there is an underlying current of excitement building up within me. This is my last hangover. The last time I will beat myself up for drinking. I'm moving on.

                Overit, I have to tell you that reading your post this morning is what prompted me to start this thread. I thought "She sounds just like me - ready to be done with all of this waffling".
                You had the power all along, my dear.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Kailey's Journey

                  Fab stuff Kailey. Right in your corner.

                  Kick some AL ass and take back your precious life.

                  Don't forget yer https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

                  G bloke.

                  'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                  Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Kailey's Journey

                    Boy does your post sound familiar, Kailey.

                    What made me feel different this time was my final acceptance that I can't drink - I really can't drink and keep the life I want to have with my husband, kids, friends and job. It wasn't going to work. Taking that choice off the table brought me what you describe - a feeling of peace and excitement about what a sober life could bring. Will bring.

                    I am on Day 25 and feel great today (it comes and goes, believe me). I recommending reading as much as you can here, and posting as well. It helps sort out your feelings to write it down. Especially write down your bad feelings today and revisit them if you get the desire to drink again. A great deterrent. Check out the toolbox and the Newbies nest - lots of great advice. Glad you joined us!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Kailey's Journey

                      Woke up happy this morning! I had no problem last night - wasn't even tempted. Yesterday was a pivotal day. If I would have had a drink I would have rationalized that now it's Friday, and then the weekend, so might as well wait until Monday to quit. Instead, I've been AF 5 of the last 6 days and have a firm resolve to never touch the stuff again.

                      My husband, who is also a daily drinker, joined me in an AF night last night. I was touched by his support, and reminded again that if I can beat this, he may follow my lead. Life feels good this morning.

                      I'm thankful to be on Day 2.,
                      You had the power all along, my dear.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Kailey's Journey

                        Kailey:

                        I've been in you shoes...so have a large number of other folks. Having an anchor has been the difference maker for me. Without others to share the struggle with I'd have been left to my own devices and let me tell you my inner brain can be a real charmer. This Christmas was the first holiday in my entire adult life that I've been AF and it was this forum that pulled me through. keep posting and keep trying, it will click!
                        Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, We are happy when we are growing.

                        William Butler Yeats

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Kailey's Journey

                          Kailey-good morning. Glad to share this day 2 with you. It does get better, I promise. I thought this AM, "you know, you really do have a pretty face (although it's hidden under this bag) when your eyes are open, wide, white, alive, and excited." I hope you have a great AF day!


                          AF since 12/26/13

                          "...........just put one foot in front of the other and move forward. One step at a time." Chris McCombs

                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dJ97Vwoup4

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Kailey's Journey

                            Hi Kailey!

                            I just wanted to follow you along on your progress and offer my support. Yes, we have ALL been where you are and when you just KNOW that this is IT...no more! I finally realized that I just couldn't take one more day of waking up at 3am with a brick of anxiety laying on my chest. Wondering what I'd done the night before, who I'd texted, called, emailed, said what to. Not sure if I'd driven drunk...checking the car for signs....withdrawing money from the bank and giving it away in a drunken fit of generosity...the list goes on and not. Not to mention the 2 DUI's and jail time. Doing that over and over again, now that IS definitely the definition of insanity.

                            The good thing is, I don't have to live like that anymore, and neither do you! Hang on to us tight, we can help. Nobody said it was easy, but nobody has ever regrettred getting sober either. You can do it!

                            K9
                            :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                            Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Kailey's Journey

                              A thousand welcomes Kailey.
                              It took me years to finally quit but when I did it was worth it for sure. You have a new lease of life ahead of you. It's tough at first but we can be there for you. don't cut yourself off.
                              Each day you stay AF is fantastic for you.

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 3 4 7 template Next
                              Working...
                              X