Kailey's Journey

[lead366]

Kailey's Journey

Good going Kailey...

Yaaaaaa....i have the diet down pretty good except for ice cream.......thats gotta go....

Yes...Carbs and sweets are big crave aids--------but I have learned that your tastebuds completely changeout in 21-28 days. I really do want a whole food diet. When I eat crap Im just feeling sorry for myself. Im close to being sugar free...hope to be there by months end.

So?.....my challenge mirrors yours....and when carbs/sugar are gone for me?...my craves disappear.

Hang in there my friend...one day at a time....you know that sobriety is such a good deal.

You are two days ahead of me btw...stay there ok? lol

[Trusting Believer]

Kailey's Journey

I'm just reading this and going to try as well - I really appreciate your sharing your story and I know you can do it and so can I ! hugs!

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Trusting Believer;1628820 wrote: I'm just reading this and going to try as well - I really appreciate your sharing your story and I know you can do it and so can I ! hugs!

Hi Trusting! I see you are brand new to this site. I'm so glad you are posting! When I got brave enough to post after lurking for a while, that's when things started to really click for me. That was a huge lesson (another was that I don't have to be perfect to deserve the right to post - so here I am warts and all!)

I'm so happy for you that you found this site. Stick around and we'll get sober together!

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Day 18 and I'm all kinds of out of sorts. The friends I'm staying with are daily drinkers, and I manage to get through the witching hour each night without joining them, but today we went for a picnic lunch and they shared a few bottles of my favorite wine. There was no chance I would drink, and I was trying hard to be grateful that since I wasn't drinking I didn't have to worry that I would drink too much, or how much would be acceptable...all that crazy crap that goes through my mind if I'm drinking around others...but I really, really wanted to join them.

I called my husband and he was supportive, but even that didn't really help. He hasn't had a drink for a week or so, and is rightfully proud of himself, but he is having an easy time of it and doesn't seem to understand why it's hard for me.

Oh well, bottom line, I'm thankful he's not drinking, thankful for my 18 days, and I'm looking forward to getting back home next week and moving on with our sober life together. In the meanwhile I'll just work on getting through today one way or the other. I don't expect every day to be easy.

[lead366]

Kailey's Journey

Good job Kailey!!

Yaaaaaa...very tough to be around drinkers......I have removed myself from any function or get together with booze for the next little while.

I had only a so-so day yesterday...but today seems brighter.

Its the wayyyyyyyyy she goesssss.

Anyways........you get to post day 19 tomorrow..THATS WHATS IMPORTANT!

ONLY THAT!!!!!!

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Day 21! I am so glad I started this thread because it already is helping me to look back and see where I've been. After years of failed attempts anywhere between day I and day 10 or so, I finally got great momentum and breezed through the first couple of weeks.

I can admit that every day of this third week was difficult, though, and I just had to gut my way through them. As I read back though, I am just so grateful that I managed to continue on my sober path.

Last night I almost talked myself into some wine. I was able to stop by playing the night forward in my mind if I did. I'm staying with friends who drink, and I had my eye on the bottle go Pinot Grigio in the fridge. My first reality check was realizing that if I was going to drink that bottle wouldn't be enough...I'd have to get a second one. And what if they joined me? Then two wouldn't be nearly enough! That brought me up short!

The other thing that helped was playing out the next few hours in my head. It was only mid afternoon and everyone was planing to watch the closing ceremonies of the Olympics. I knew without a doubt if I started drinking I'd be passed out long before they started.

So, I didn't drink and it was hard!!! But by evening I was already grateful for my decision. My friends, who were drinking, didn't overdo it and we all had a fun evening. Another lesson for me. There are people who can and do drink responsibly and enjoy it, but I'm not, and can never be, one of them!

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Day 25! I can hardly believe it. I've been doggedly trying to reach 30 days for about 3 years and I finally know that it's going to happen. Just a few more days, and then I'll be reaching for 60, 90 and 100 days because I'm never drinking again.

I'm back home, and so far my husband isn't drinking, so that's helping. I hope for him, and for us as a couple, that it sticks for him, but my own experience tells me that it's going to probably be a rocky road for a while.

For anyone who is trying to quit, all I can say is that for the last few years I truly believed that no one in world wanted to quit drinking more than I did, but by most evenings it was just too hard to resist the nightly ritual of relaxing with my favorite wine. I would cave and start the cycle all over again the next day with big promises to myself that this was the day, only to fail again.

Lots of people around here talk about putting a plan in place, and in my case I had to come up with a doozy... leaving my home and job for almost a month. It was crucial for my success so far. It you are trying to quit a nightly drinking habit over which you seem to have no power all I can suggest is have a really robust plan in place for how you are going to spend those first evenings. Hopefully you don't need to physically get out of your home, like I did, but maybe commit to a gym, an evening class, a volunteer responsibility... anything that prevents you from being in a situation that you can decide to drink. Once you get a bit of a streak going it's much, much easier! I can honestly say the last couple of days I've barely thought about it.

[lead366]

Kailey's Journey

Hi Kailey

Great work--proud of you

Im the same...feeling wayyyyy better and not freting over AL. Nice to be sober and clear headed.

I experienced a nice mood boost in last 24 hours....and before I glorify my day 30 next week...Im gonna really enjoy and embrace---EMBRACE days 25,26,27.........One day at a time.

Im starting to enjoy and embrace recovery and really JUMP on the bandwagon!

Yes---a big plan.......but lets remember to stay in TODAY.

Im like you-----Deep down I never EVER want to drink again

[bran new day]

Kailey's Journey

Hi Kailey , Just read through your story , we're the same the world over , the struggles we endure .Don't waste all that effort is all I can hope for you , all the best ,
BND .

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Day 31! I have been trying for years to go 30 days AF and it finally happened. In some ways it feels surreal. This is without a doubt the longest I've gone without a drink in over 25 years.

I am so grateful to be on this path, and to MWO, which helped me to view alcohol in a different light and provided me some tools that I use every day. I learned that an urge to drink will pass it you wait it out. I learned that I can stop myself from taking that first drink if I play the night/following day through my mind. I learned that there are others who have struggled as hard as I have who have made it - why not me? And, I'm starting to learn that an AF life can be fun and rewarding.

I've started exercising, which I could never maintain when I had morning hangovers. I've lost a few pounds. I'm sleeping well. My face looks 10 years younger.. Most importantly, my husband has followed my lead and stopped drinking, too. Our relationship is getting stronger every day, and he has thanked me for saving our marriage as well as our health. We work together to fill up those empty hours we used to spend drinking, and are really having fun doing it.

I still have moments that are difficult, but they are happening less and less. And it's not like if I gave myself a night or two off, I would get a free pass (that would bring back the whole vicious mind chatter about when can I drink again, how much, what did I say/do, feeling unmotivated, etc., etc.) Bottom line, whether I do or don't drink I have to deal with alcohol on some level. It's much easier to deal with it by not drinking at all.

My next goal 60 days!

[Samstone]

Kailey's Journey

Kailey
congratulations!! It is amazing what will happen when that monkey is off your back. It is now a matter of a mental shift, which sounds as if you're there. It IS so much easier not to have to worry about whether you drink or not by simply not drinking. It allows you do focus on other more positive stuff. Good on you!!

Sam

[frances]

Kailey's Journey

Kailey - congratulations! I am so impressed with your commitment and what you have done to make sure you stay alcohol free! Your former habits sound very similar to mine - starting with that first evening glass of wine that always turns into 2 then 3 then 4...and so on...so happy for what you have done and what you will do! Hoping the best for your husband too!

[Byrdlady]

Kailey's Journey

Kailey, well done to you!

With my job, I do some traveling...early in my quit, I checked into a hotel room, put my bags away and there sitting next to the ice bucket where 2 small (half liter each?) bottles of wine...one white and one red. The white was on the left and the red was on the right. Why do I remember that? Because I sat on the bed and stared at them for quite a while. That mind chatter in full force "No one will know" "I'll just drink it tonight and get right back up tomorrow when I get home" "I don't owe those people on MWO anything, they'll never know". It was ruthless....but THE THING THAT GOT ME....the overpowering realization that really stopped me....this wouldn't be enough to do the job. That stopped me. That made me realize that I am NOT a normal drinker and it isn't the last drink that gets me, it's the first....so I put the dry cleaning bag over the 2 bottles and they began to look ridiculous. Just like I'd have looked gulping them down. It is so good to finally realize what we are dealing with! I'm so proud of your 31 days, I could pop! It is 1000 times easier to maintain than to start over, so just keep it going no matter what! Well done! Byrdie

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Just a few days after reaching my 30 day goal, I am back to day 1. I drank the last two nights...right back to the same big bottle of wine each night. You are right, Byrdie. I am not a normal drinker...never ever will be. And I'm sad to say I dragged my husband right back into our old hell hole, too.

The good thing, if there is one, is that I did not enjoy it, and neither did he. Not at all! After the first night we had to try again to see what went wrong the first time. Geez! Anyway, I've been miserable ever since that first glass of wine, and work today was torture. No more excuses for me.

Looking forward to feeling better in the morning.

[frances]

Kailey's Journey

Kailey - sorry to hear this - it happens to so many of us. Glad to hear you are getting right back to staying AF! Look at your signature line - you are responding the right way! Good luck today - you can do this.