Kailey's Journey

[NoSugar]

Kailey's Journey

You were on that thread for awhile, Kailey, and we were sorry you left :l.

Just commit to staying in touch no matter what. Even if you make a bad choice. COME RIGHT BACK! If you have time to read back through that thread (and that would be a challenge because we've got some talkers ), you'll see the ups and downs and eventual successes as they evolved. You'll hear the change in tone of people's posts. You'll start hearing their confidence in themselves grow.

It helps me renew my commitment each time I see someone "surrender". I don't mean that in a "I give up, I have no power" kind of way. It is a surrender to the fact that if we chose to drink, we give up the power and control that have been ours all along.

See you tonight !

[hadit]

Kailey's Journey

Kailey, having a partner who is alcoholic must be so hard. But I guess IF just one partner is a normal drinker, like my wife, it stills gives me a reason to take that first glass of wine with her. But for me that is never enough and never will be. Its 8.15 am here in OZ so must rush to work. Will post again later and hope u have a nice af day.

[available]

Kailey's Journey

Alcoholics will take any reason to drink Hadit and go with it completely. Ultimately it is only up to us alcoholics to stop the excuses we give ourselves to drink. We can hide our drinking but who are we hiding from? Ourselves? Our life?

My ex husband was/is an alcoholic also and we enabled each other completely. I would say we are stopping for awhile and after a few days he would be "oh lets have a drink, its hot, its cold, its payday" and i would give in and drink. I wish i had of had the strength to say "no, i am not enabling you to drink as i dont drink" but i didnt and i lost so many years due to al and my children growing up. I am sure there are people on mwo with partners that are drinkers and have stopped. Everyone has a choice.

[NoSugar]

Kailey's Journey

Hey, Kailey

I hope last night went well and you are feeling good about all this! :l

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

Thanks, NS. I took your advice and posted on a thread (the quitting for the umpteenth time one). I will use that as a place to stay accountable no matter what. I'm done with half hearted attempts. I need to give this quit all the time and focus that it needs, even if it feels rather selfish. The hardest part is not being on the same page as my husband. I get so annoyed with him when he's drinking and I'm not. He repeats the same stupid things over and over ( just as I'm sure I do when I'm drinking with him). It's hard for me to imagine a life in which I'm sober and he's drunk. I'm just hoping that as I get on top of this he will join me. Thanks for caring!

[NoSugar]

Kailey's Journey

Glad you found a place to commit to, Kailey. I think you'll find it can really make a difference and there are several very determined people posting on that thread. Success can breed success .

[SoberSoul]

Kailey's Journey

Hey Kailey, I am on that thread and so glad you've joined us. My husband has not stopped drinking and occasionally gets sloshed. You may find that, eventually, your hubby may slow down or have a 'eureka' moment of his own. Don't lose faith. My hubby is drinking less since I've stopped but he has never quit for any length of time and says he never will. He looks and smells pretty awful some weekend nights when he ties one on but I just go to bed. Keep posting. We repeat offenders have to stick together.

[SpiritGirl]

Kailey's Journey

The advice on this thread is amazing ... THANK YOU Ava, J-Vo and NoSugar for continuing to take time to encourage those of us who want to be where you are.. Your posts are so helpful, inspiring and selfless... Although the posts are directed to Kailey - so many more of us are benefiting from them!

I, also, have a husband who drinks... He's a normal drinker - he does not have a problem with AL and I cannot ask him to stop. This is my demon, and I have to overcome all obstacles on my own.. It's just so hard... But I am going to do this... Whatever it takes...

Good luck, Kailey! Stick close no matter what....I am on the same thread as you (upteenth time...started by Sober Soul)... Its a great one! Hope to keep seeing you there ...

[j-vo]

Kailey's Journey

SpiritGirl,
My husband is a normal drinker, too, damn him (LOL!). The nerve of some people! Anyhow, even though he never had the struggles I did, he certainly could drink and have a good time when it was the right time. Now that I've quit, he doesn't drink much at all, and of course, that doesn't bother him one bit. That's because he's a normal drinker. Normies can take it or leave it. But when we go out for a nice meal, he has a few good bottles of beer and is happy. Once I knew and admitted that I just couldn't have it at all, it didn't bother me that he could. And BTW, you don't have to do this on your own. We are here doing it with you!

[hadit]

Kailey's Journey

j-vo, My wife is a normal drinker to. I know if I asked her to stop drinking she would do it for me, but I don't want to do that. We have had a very loving relationship that's spanned over 40 years. We have travelled the world and have enjoyed many wonderful meals and of course lots of wine together. The problem is that al is now driving me not the reverse. When I took AB I became ill, partly due to drinking whilst taking the drug, my own stupid fault; but also because it zapped me of so much energy. It was my wife who suggested I stop the drug and I did. So I am going it alone this time ODAT You are doing so well. :goodjob:

[j-vo]

Kailey's Journey

Thank you hadit! And you're really not alone. When we go out and having a nice meal, a Non-al Beck's or Odoul's is a nice drink to have, as I love the taste of beer. But one is what I'll have, like a normie! I wouldn't want another. It quenches my thirst, I suppose like a real beer does for a normie. And my husband and I are together for 35 years and married for 24. So, yes, I know how that feels. We've always drank together, but me, I was always drinking more than him and he's a tall man of 6'3" and me not even 5'2". But you'll still be able to enjoy those vacations, nice meals out, but now you'll be able to actually taste the food and see the sights with clarity!

[available]

Kailey's Journey

Kailey head over to the nn where there are mwoers with a lot of days up, they will give you inspiration to get off the merry go round of drinking. stopping and starting does nothing for your self esteem and the long timers are dedicated in helping you get off the spiral of drinking. stopping and starting gets harder each time and as i note (on nn when you popped in) its time the excuses stopped. We all need someone to look up to in this journey and lav and byrd are fantastic examples of this. I will have their days one day and without their support i would be meandering around mwo with no real direction. You can do this.

Mesh sorry you went back to day 1, make this your last. Post to be accountable, you did this last time, you can do this again.

[Kailey]

Kailey's Journey

available;1660775 wrote: Kailey head over to the nn where there are mwoers with a lot of days up, they will give you inspiration to get off the merry go round of drinking. stopping and starting does nothing for your self esteem and the long timers are dedicated in helping you get off the spiral of drinking. stopping and starting gets harder each time and as i note (on nn when you popped in) its time the excuses stopped. We all need someone to look up to in this journey and lav and byrd are fantastic examples of this. I will have their days one day and without their support i would be meandering around mwo with no real direction. You can do this.

Thank you, Ava. I will head over to the Nest. Everything you say is spot on. This nightmarish cycle of quitting only to drink within a day or two is shattering my sense of self. How can I be both the woman who wakes up each morning with the firm plan to quit drinking and the one who opens a bottle of wine at night, with a new plan to stop the next day. I'm so tired of this. It's up to me to change this pattern. And I will!

[NoSugar]

Kailey's Journey

Kailey,

It is wonderful that you came back and are going to hang out in the Newbies Nest. That is where so many of us got the kind of support we needed to get a handle on this.

Would you consider allowing people to PM you? Sometimes there is something that someone would like to share with you privately that might help you but that they are not too willing to put onto a public site for the world to read.

This time can be different, Kailey. It sounds like you're ready.

All the best, NS

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Kailey's Journey

Hi Kailey,

I was thinking of you this weekend, as you were the first person I posted to back in February.

So... what has happened since then?
I was blessed to spend the last 3 weeks of my dad's life with him. As he left his world, he left with the same grace and witty sense of humor that was his trademark. At one point, he said to me, "I'm 85 years old, Patty. I don't have any regrets." Those words circulate in my bloodstream when the power of alcohol whispers in my ear.

I watched my dad "dance" with his hospice nurse, Jenny, as she moved him from the chair to the bed. When they were done waltzing, he told her, "I always knew how to cut a rug!".
Life gives us choices. Even as he knew he was dying, my dad chose to see the happy moments. That was his parting gift to me.

So, I've stayed away from the alcohol. I called my husband when I was with my dad, and told him that I had enough. And that I needed him to look at his relationship with booze, because I couldn't go back to drinking. I needed him to stop drinking too. I don't think he thought I was serious, because I've played around with abstinence before.

The first night back home, I came home and found my husband drinking his rum and coke. I pretty much did what every sane person tells you NOT to do: I told him to choose: alcohol or me.

Officially, he's chosen me. But there's a wall of bitterness and resentment that my ultimatum has caused. On one hand, he's sulking with me. We have had no heart-to-heart talks. He speaks civilly to me but goes to bed early. So if there was a "win or lose" card, I lost.

BUT on the other hand, he's actually doing projects around the house again. He's working on the cars with his sons, and doing the "fun stuff" that they remember him doing when they were much younger. They like the change in him. They have won.

My crystal ball is broken, and I do not even know if we will be together in 6 weeks. Time will tell.
Despite my uncertainty with my marriage, I DO know that drinking, for me, is out of my future.
I will honor my father's memory. :l

Kailey, I wish there was a "Do this, Not That" manual that we all could follow. But some of the laws of physics, like "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction".... we should take notice of. You may look at my story and see that I've been "strong" by not drinking, but if my husband read it, he would have a few choice words to say. He will tell you that I did this the entirely WRONG way. I will tell you that I HAD to do make an ultimatum, for if there was anyone that could unintentionally sabotage my efforts, it's my husband.

The last time you set a goal for yourself- it was a 30 day goal- and you made it.... getting to 32 days and then drinking was like a 2 day bonus, like running 2.2 miles when the goal was 2 miles, so to speak?

You have the inner strength to achieve whatever goal you set. I know that "my way" was not the wisest choice, but at some point, you have to listen to your inner voice that says (as Martye said in his recent thread about the success to not drinking)..... "don't farking drink!"

Hugs to you, Kailey. :l