No Sugar, who could resist your sweet post?! I have missed you and so many others here!
So, where to begin? When I first stopped posting it was after freaking out when I saw an actual post of mine on a site I went to that was linked to MWO (my real name came up when I Googled it - and the post about alcohol right there with it). At that time, I was thinking I might go back to work and was worried about anonymity. I no longer care so much about that, so it's not an issue for me anymore.
After that, I was in the throes of moving which many of you know. The transition was difficult but we are finally feeling pretty settled. The cabin is waaaaay too small -- almost claustrophobic and that's exacerbated by my having 4 cats (who don't all get along). So, keeping them separated and the fact that they're totally undone by the snow has been a challenge.
And, of course, the most important question of the day........drumroll.........have I stayed AF? The answer is no, but I'm back to wanting to be AF. I have a neighbor who is a nurse. Long story short, she gave me some Ambien which I thought would be the answer to my being able to drink socially and not suffer through those nights without sleep.
Yes, I know, how f&*#ing stupid was that kind of thinking? WHY DID I HAVE TO RELEARN THE LESSON ONCE AGAIN? So, fast forward a bit............of course the payback for any kind of drug is a bitch.......there is absolutely no chemical I can put in my body that doesn't extract a price. Ultimately the Ambien made me feel terrible, so that theory went out the window and here I am again. I tapered off that horrible crap and highly recommend NEVER trying it.......I stopped taking it abruptly for a couple of days and cried nonstop - then went back to a taper. Scary shit!
I see a few other people here who had attained some long time sobriety and are back for another try. I'm jumping back in AGAIN, determined that this is my quit.
I've had the serious sit down with my enabler husband (not his fault because he's confused by my mixed messages). And, I take complete responsibility for my idiotic thinking. I think he gets it -- he's not drinking around me. But, it's up to me not to get on that roller coaster with him again.
I just can't drink, and there are no shortcuts or ways around it. Even the smallest amount wrecks my sleep, which ruins everything else. Same ole story. Then, when I don't drink, I sleep wonderfully. It's not rocket science - totally straightforward.
SO.............my new plan has started and includes: I have a personal trainer and am working out at a gym, which has been fantastic. And, I start beginning meditation classes the 9th of January.
I love where we've moved to in Colorado, so that's wonderful. I was so afraid I was going to miss my home (although I hated the place I lived), and none of those fears have come to pass. Really happy to be here and loving the town itself, friendly people, and beautiful surroundings.
Now I'm off to wander around the site to find my old buddies and make some new friends.
Missed you guys,
UN :lilheart:
So, where to begin? When I first stopped posting it was after freaking out when I saw an actual post of mine on a site I went to that was linked to MWO (my real name came up when I Googled it - and the post about alcohol right there with it). At that time, I was thinking I might go back to work and was worried about anonymity. I no longer care so much about that, so it's not an issue for me anymore.
After that, I was in the throes of moving which many of you know. The transition was difficult but we are finally feeling pretty settled. The cabin is waaaaay too small -- almost claustrophobic and that's exacerbated by my having 4 cats (who don't all get along). So, keeping them separated and the fact that they're totally undone by the snow has been a challenge.
And, of course, the most important question of the day........drumroll.........have I stayed AF? The answer is no, but I'm back to wanting to be AF. I have a neighbor who is a nurse. Long story short, she gave me some Ambien which I thought would be the answer to my being able to drink socially and not suffer through those nights without sleep.
Yes, I know, how f&*#ing stupid was that kind of thinking? WHY DID I HAVE TO RELEARN THE LESSON ONCE AGAIN? So, fast forward a bit............of course the payback for any kind of drug is a bitch.......there is absolutely no chemical I can put in my body that doesn't extract a price. Ultimately the Ambien made me feel terrible, so that theory went out the window and here I am again. I tapered off that horrible crap and highly recommend NEVER trying it.......I stopped taking it abruptly for a couple of days and cried nonstop - then went back to a taper. Scary shit!
I see a few other people here who had attained some long time sobriety and are back for another try. I'm jumping back in AGAIN, determined that this is my quit.
I've had the serious sit down with my enabler husband (not his fault because he's confused by my mixed messages). And, I take complete responsibility for my idiotic thinking. I think he gets it -- he's not drinking around me. But, it's up to me not to get on that roller coaster with him again.
I just can't drink, and there are no shortcuts or ways around it. Even the smallest amount wrecks my sleep, which ruins everything else. Same ole story. Then, when I don't drink, I sleep wonderfully. It's not rocket science - totally straightforward.
SO.............my new plan has started and includes: I have a personal trainer and am working out at a gym, which has been fantastic. And, I start beginning meditation classes the 9th of January.
I love where we've moved to in Colorado, so that's wonderful. I was so afraid I was going to miss my home (although I hated the place I lived), and none of those fears have come to pass. Really happy to be here and loving the town itself, friendly people, and beautiful surroundings.
Now I'm off to wander around the site to find my old buddies and make some new friends.
Missed you guys,
UN :lilheart:
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