My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

[DipGal]

I think this is my 4th "newbie" post in the 4 yrs I've been registered here. I have a big weight problem (pun intended - I am morbidly obese), a drinking problem and a gambling problem. Actually, the gambling is not a problem.. the only part of it that is really a problem is the amount I drink when we do a casino getaway. That's what prompted me to come back here to MWO. In the course of 3 days I probably had the equivalent of 60 drinks.. I'd say I could label that a Binge Drinker, wouldn't you?

I just looked up all my prior posts (14) over the almost 4 years I joined up here... Nothing has changed other than I am fatter and most likely more on the brink of a major health disaster. Same with DH.. we are walking time bombs. Health is my reason for abstaining or moderating.

Although I once got kicked out of a casino for being inebriated, and I sometimes drive drunk which is a HORRIBLE thing to do, I have no other problems with drinking.. I am afraid of my liver (I sometimes get twinges of pain under my right rib cage which is where the liver is) and general health. Although I have restless sleep and beat myself up with my loathing self-talk during the night, and am dehydrated, I don't get too hungover. My tolerance is so high due to my weight and many, many years of drinking.

In a nutshell... I am a 57 yr. old party girl who lives to have fun. I have no kids or family to speak of other than DH who has depression, anxiety and more of a drinking problem than I do. I am retired so don't worry about missing work (I used to 25-30 yrs ago). Almost everything I enjoy, whether here at home feeling lonely and bored, or out socializing or vacationing with my friends includes AL. I can't imagine my life without it. What would I "do"?

I am reading two books that I purchased several years ago about moderating.. LOL - I referred to them in a prior post. I NOW am planning to use them. Both books talk about a dry out period.. one says 30 days and the other 2 weeks. I plan to do at least 2 weeks beginning on 1/2/14 and hopefully extend it to the full 30. Then I will make myself a contract (from one of the books) about what I will do if I try to moderate. I can easily have just a glass or two of wine most days. It's the lonely/boring weekends and the casino getaways or vacations that really throw me over the edge.

I look very forward to sticking around this time and giving/getting support!

[paulywogg]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

Hi Dipgal,i got thrown out of a casino once for being wasted and grabbing a lead singers crotch,talk about embarrasing! maybe hang around mwo a bit more this time around?you sound like you want to make some changes,it helps to read and post here for me anyways,all the best to you

[Unwasted]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

DG,

Welcome! :welcome:

Just wanted you to know that there is a group here for moderation support. Here's a link.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f3...uad-87558.html

Best to you,
UN

[Jazi's Mum]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

:welcome: Hi DipGal and welcome. I'm also a 3 time loser, having tried AA, naltrexone and topamax. I'm going to try baclofen this time around. But whatever you chose don't feel shy that this is not "your first rodeo" as getting back on the horse is the KEY :H

Hope to get to know you. JMum

[YouKayBee]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

Welcome Dipgirl and thank you for being so honest. I see there are 3 things you participate in which could be addictive, and removing excessive drinking from the equation could make it easier to deal with the others, and you might find the gambling doesn't hold the same attraction if you aren't drinking?. Binge drinking is difficult in that you have gaps between the destructive behaviour and during that gap you don't know if you are fixed or not, until your next one happens (or not). Two weeks sounds doable and hopefully you'll see some health improvements in that time to spur you on further. Do you eat when you drink and gamble, or is it a drinking only binge?

[DipGal]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

Thanks everyone!

Thank you all for the support! Oh Paulywogg, how funny! Sorry, but I sure got a giggle out of that one! I see you are in Vegas ? my favorite place on earth! For me, I wasn?t unruly or excessively loud or walking wobbly.. the security cameras must have been watching me and DH ordering doubles again and again.. Of course when security asked me some questions, I thought I answered them without slurring.. haha, probably not.. It was my 56th birthday, too!

Unwasted, thanks for the tip about the Mod boards. Yes, I?ll be joining in the conversation there. I wanted to get my basic story out there first ? both for myself and so everyone else knows who this nutty old ?dipgal? is. LOL

JMum, I know I am not alone in trying again and again and I thank you for the reminder. It gets to the point, both with this and weight loss, that failing is just ?what I do? in my screwed up brain. I?ve gotten to the point where I don?t BELIEVE I can do either. I must work on my ?Head Trash? to make myself really BELIEVE that I can on a conscious AND subconscious level. That is the key.

UkBlonde ? I totally can?t imagine gambling without AL. When we had our 3 day getaway last week I looked around at all the other people. Maybe 25% had alcoholic beverages.. The rest had Styrofoam cups with coffee and soda.. or bottled water, or nothing. Yet, they were smiling and having a good time ? especially if they were winning LOL. I have to disassociate the two because I do really enjoy poker, card playing and slots.. and the money part is not a problem.. Maybe a few times (out of hundreds over the years) I have gone to the cash machine in a drunken stupor and took out money and lost more than I allotted myself.

:thanks:

[Softy]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

I have been in and out of this place so much you would think I am the world Hokey Cokey champion!

Day 114 today and if I hadn't come back (yet) again I wouldn't be able to say that

The only failure is giving up trying

Where there is will there is hope

[treetops]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

Oh Pauly -you are going to have to write your memoirs!
I know there are a ton of books/movies about Vegas but not so many from an insider's view - especially a woman - and especially a lovely woman like you!

[Unwasted]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

Pauly, that's hilarious :H -- missed it my first time here. Too too funny.

DG, Byrdie is a wise lady.

[Byrdlady]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

Hey Dip and welcome back. i know that it is every person's individual journey to take, but if i can help someone avoid the hell that I endured, well I just have to try. I never drank harder than the year I tried to moderate, It was as if I had to make up for lost time.....like I was drinking out of panic or something. It was a horrible time and nearly cost me everything I had worked for. I would read the folks who I thought were doing it and thought 'if they can do it, there is no reason I can't do it, too.' Except when you really read and follow them, they really aren't moderating at all. The guidelines are 14 units per week for a man and 7 units per week for females. You may catch someone on a good week and see they stayed with it for a week or two, but if you'd take the time to follow them, you would quickly see that they are still fighting the same old battle. You see, you only get one brain, and it knows where you've been. If you are really honest with yourself, haven't you BEEN trying to control it these last 4 years? A period of abstinence is a great way to start but I am afraid that NO amount of a break is going to change or rewire anything. Remember even on this forum, moderation is suggested by using those high powered drugs (and they carry a whole different set of side effects). You just can't moderate addiction. (Ever heard of a heroin addict "just cutting back?").
If you can get some distance between you and AL, you will find that the peace you seek regarding AL will only come when you get it out of your life. Trust me, I didn't believe the abbers either, but I HAD tried everything else, and that wasn't working. Do yourself a favor and try it. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I tried it the other way and nearly killed myself in the process. Or we can be here next year at this time wondering what happened to 2014. AL is not worth all this, you just have to get some distance from it. Byrdie

[Myluck]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

DipGal - glad you back.
Birdlady - great point about heroin addict! Right on.

[DipGal]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

ByrdLady, you are a wise lady, and I will definitely use your advice. Thank you for caring enough to post! During my 30 day abstaining period (definitely decided to go for that period of time AT LEAST) I'll be reading some of the suggested books I found here and will be journaling.. I will think long and hard about how I FEEL. If I want it too much and can't wait until my designated "can have a glass of wine day", then it's not right to try to moderate. Please know - your post will not go on deaf eyes. Thank you!

I told my girlfriends today about my plan. I asked them if we could go to coffee shop type places for our weekly get togethers instead of bar/restaurants. They were so totally supportive as I knew they'd be. One friend has had her own problems with AL in the past.. a DUI, doing things she regrets when she was drinking over the years, etc. She has abstained for periods of time, but always goes back when the crisis has passed from her memory. She is always happy and joyful and has FUN without AL. I asked her today why then she continues to drink. She could only say - "I just like it"..

We talked about learning Euchre and starting up regular games. If I don't start drinking right from the start then I won't associate the two. That is a good thing!

Thanks to everyone else for their support!

[j-vo]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

Hi DipGal,
If you see near my name, I, too, have been here to this site over the years, hoping to find MWO. I tried everything beginning with the moderation (bought a few nice "workbooks) and worked through them, baclofen (didn't have success with it, but others have in the meds section have) abstaining while "white knuckling," AA (works for many, many people but it wasn't MWO of the madness), and finally, what made all the difference in the world for me this last quit...acceptance that I could never take that first drink, not ever. Wow, that was a major change in my ability to stay quit. Well, I'm a newbie at quitting, but I've been trying forever, and this is what I attribute to the success of this last one. Reading loads, here on MWO (check out the toolbox in monthly abs section) and of course, I've made Mr./Mrs. Amazon a pretty happy with all my purchases on recovery books/memoirs. I hope you stay this time. This is such a supportive community, and you can succeed if you have a plan in place.

I know what you mean when you talk about the pain in right side. I had that, for a good while. My neighbor, in January, who is only 44 years old ended up in the hospital with cirrhosis of the liver. She almost didn't make it. It can sneak up on you. She's not the only one I know that had liver problems from drinking and it's scary. I don't wanna scare you, but I know that dull pain you talked of. One of the reasons I came back here. My health. So, again, glad you're here!!!!

[DreamThinkDo]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

DipGal;1605251 wrote: I told my girlfriends today about my plan. I asked them if we could go to coffee shop type places for our weekly get togethers instead of bar/restaurants. They were so totally supportive as I knew they'd be.

DipGal, it's wonderful that you have such supportive friends. So often our "friends" are actually no more than drinking buddies - people who fall by the wayside when we quit. Having real friends by your side and doing new things that you don't associate with a glass in hand are great weapons in this battle.

[DipGal]

My 4th coming back post, but who's counting?

J-Vo, I know I am a walking time bomb from a health standpoint. I didn't realize that one day I could just have a dull ache and then the next have full blown cirrhosis. I am going to spend a lot of today researching liver disease and create myself a "visual" with photos, etc. to help me if I get weak. I am glad your neighbor is okay - was she able to quit?

Dream, these friends are like sisters.. thankfully, AL is just a side dish for our outings and not the main course. :H Unfortunately, my DH is a whole other story. It'll actually be tougher at home than when I am out. He needs to do this more than I do. We'll see.

Thanks to you for being here!