I need help

[Wannabeme]

I was referred to this group by a friend. I am an alcoholic. I had control of it up until My soon to be ex assaulted me on August 31, 2013. The prosecuting attorney is pressing charges against him. It has me stressed out bad. He keeps calling me. It is pointless, I will not go back but I find myself drinking too much to cope with the pain. I prefer beer but have been drinking vodka because I live with my parents and they can't smell it. I hate myself. This is not who I wanted to be. I am afraid to stop because of the severe withdrawls and yet I just want to die. I am not working and I need too soon as I have a carpayment. He is just great, living in our house that I have lived in one year of the three years we have been married. OH yes, "HE LOVES ME AND DOES NO WANT A DIVORCE." I have filed already. You can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. He told all of my friends that I was a drunk and he couldn't stand it just before this all happened. He drinks, drives and smokes marijuana all day. I am trying to slowing cut down because I don't have the money to go to a DR for help. I went to sleep last night instead of bringing in the new year. Please tell me I am not alone. Thank u for reading.

[j-vo]

I need help

Hi Wannabeme,
This is a very supportive site, with lots of encouragement. Read all you can. Life doesn't get better when alcohol is involved. And it's so much easier to deal with what life throws at you when you're alcohol free because there will always be "something." So, welcome!

[DipGal]

I need help

Here's a ((hug)) honey.. I know that when my life problems are totally overwhelming I feel better when I make myself a concrete plan of action. Possibly for the next week make a plan to withdraw, either by going to an outpatient facility and asking for meds, OR weening yourself off a little each day. In the meantime scour the job section of your local newspaper for something you can do once you've tapered off or are sober. Maybe you could consider enlisting the support of your folks? If you can show them you have a plan to get yourself on your feet they would be helpful and understanding?

Keep coming here - it will help you greatly!

[Byrdlady]

I need help

Wannabeme;1606283 wrote: I was referred to this group by a friend. I am an alcoholic. I had control of it up until My soon to be ex assaulted me on August 31, 2013. The prosecuting attorney is pressing charges against him. It has me stressed out bad. He keeps calling me. It is pointless, I will not go back but I find myself drinking too much to cope with the pain. I prefer beer but have been drinking vodka because I live with my parents and they can't smell it. I hate myself. This is not who I wanted to be. I am afraid to stop because of the severe withdrawls and yet I just want to die. I am not working and I need too soon as I have a carpayment. He is just great, living in our house that I have lived in one year of the three years we have been married. OH yes, "HE LOVES ME AND DOES NO WANT A DIVORCE." I have filed already. You can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. He told all of my friends that I was a drunk and he couldn't stand it just before this all happened. He drinks, drives and smokes marijuana all day. I am trying to slowing cut down because I don't have the money to go to a DR for help. I went to sleep last night instead of bringing in the new year. Please tell me I am not alone. Thank u for reading.

Hey Wannabe....Welcome aboard. You are DEFINATELY not alone.
I agree with the others, all you can do is secure your oxygen mask first before assisting others...that means fixing yourself before tackling anyone/anything else. A clear head will head will go a long way in coping with the challenges ahead.
BTW, you can smell vodka. This was a marketing ploy by the vodka people...believe me, I can now smell it a mile away. So that is myth #1 busted. I was drinking about a third of a fifth of vodka a day until I switched over to wine because I thought I didn't have any problems with that. Myth #2 busted...Alcohol is Alcohol. I was drinking about a bottle and a half (or one liter) a day there at the end. I tried to taper but was totally unsuccessful. I've not really seen any success with that here either...it is amazing the lies we tell ourselves. I had NO withdrawals other than anxiety at not getting my fix. I guess that's to be expected...I was amazed that I didn't get the shakes like on tv. I had some sweats and felt a bit flu like for a couple weeks, but you have to think that we are used to running on ethanol and it takes some time for our bodies to convert over to food! I would give cold turkey a try and I'd start it today! Tomorrow never comes in our world. Get involved here and read and post....check out the two links in my signature line...Newbie's Nest is a great place to start and the Tool Box is full of tips and tricks to help you thru the first challenging days. Please don't let the FEAR of doing this keep you from doing it. It's not nearly as bad as I had built it up in my mind!! That FEAR held me in check for years! I'm here to tell you that being sober is the best thing I've ever done for myself. My quit is now my foundation! You can do it...one step at a time, one hour at a time....one day at a time. Welcome aboard, Byrdie

[Jazi's Mum]

I need help

Welcome Wannbeme - yes, we are all in the same boat even though our personal problems may be different. Once you can get sober for a few days things will start to look better.

Don't forget this: if you continue to drink and continue to let your ex's words and thoughts influence you HE WINS AGAIN.

Stay strong for you. We're all here for you too. Please come back often. JMum

[poppy62]

I need help

Welcome Wannabeme, so glad your friend directed you here it is a very informative and supportive place where everybody understands the lure of drinking and the struggle to quit. But it is a struggle that is very achieveable and you will read lots of examples on here of members who have sucessfully won the battle, which is very inspirational it made me think ' well if they can do it so can I' . I know form personal experience that divorce is a tough time and can give you the ideal excuse to pick up a drink but believe me there are no answers at the bottom of a bottle all it brings is extra problems. Others have posted some great advice and remember the best form of revenge is sucess of stick with it and show your ex that you are so much more than he thinks you are and give your self the amazing gift of sobriety and happiness. So welcome good luck and hope to hang around .

[Yourfriend6116]

I need help

wannabeme---you are NOT alone. keep checking in--there are tons of people here that can and want to support you.

[treetops]

I need help

Welcome here Wanna. The best step to sort your life out and find a way forward is to quit AL. Your ex can't have a hold on you then.
These are very hard days now for you but try to quit and try to get as much help as possible
It's great that you were referred to MWO
Take care my dear!

[Pavati]

I need help

Welcome Wanna! You have found a great place. I second all of the advice above, as I have made it to day 31 sober doing exactly that. In particular - don't let fear stop you. It stopped me for a long time, and it really is great here from sobriety. All of the seemingly insurmountable problems do seem more manageable with some time sober. Also, do check out the tool box and the newbies nest - a lot of good ideas and support there. Jump on in.

[Wannabeme]

I need help

Stopping today, did a stupid thing.

I am so sick of being a prisoner to alcohol. I made a huge mistake last night. My soon to be ex snuck into my bedroom. Of course I had been drinking. Long story short we had sex. I would never have done that had I not been drinking. Today I am doing my best not to drink. I am so mad at myself. I can't work and I need to or I will lose everything. My ex is abusive and does not love me. I know this but he is a narracist and can be oh so convincing. I was lonely and he is still my husband but he took advantage of me. Now we are not kids, he is 58 and I am 51. I live with my folks. So anyway. My last drink was around 8 last night. I feel anxious but I am not sure if it is withdrawls or just the basic situation.

I do know that you can smell vodka. I have myself after a long period of not drinking but my parents are in their eighties. It doesn't matter now because it has to stop today. I want my life back. Anyone else in this boat? Thanks so much.

[Yourfriend6116]

I need help

I've been there! Making decisions I wouldn't have had I not been drinking. Forget that and concentrate on today! Keep posting and people here will support you. You can do it.

[Wannabeme]

I need help

Thank u. You don't know how much that helped me.