Constant Vigilance

[Darkest Diamond]

Just had a row with a family member. Isn't it strange how sometimes we can feel as if we hate those we love and they know how to push all our buttons. I had been feeling so calm and in control before this having sorted out boiler,roof,chimney and computer issues and made plans to have blood tests etc to check to see if I am ok. I really felt positive and like some sort of upbeat trouble shooter. As this row developed I felt anger rise, I drove home feeling" F*** it I'm going to drink" then I thought NO that will make everything 10 times worse and I could cause permanent liver damage and I would be raging for hours and probably not sleep.

Also thought

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Years ago I learnt this in AA, could see that Anger was the one that was getting to me.
Glad to say by the time I got home the anger had dissipated, also I know now to avoid certain types of conversation with this family member!!

I also typed a lot on the forums on MWO and that helped. ......... but I can see to stay sober I am going to have to be constantly vigilant. Now to do some housework to get rid of the residual anger debris.

Thanks all for listening to me
DD x

[Jazi's Mum]

Constant Vigilance

Wow! you certainly know yourself, your buttons, and your solutions - good for you. I never thought anger would be a trigger, but the way you describe it I can see it in my own life.

You will be constantly vigilant and have a sparkly clean house to boot :H
JMum

[available]

Constant Vigilance

Good on you DD, i thought i would open this post and it would have been a day 1 for you. Big hugs and all i can say is thank god you did not reach for that bottle. Rant away as much as you want. Its funny how that switch clicks and we really dont want to drink but the only way we knew how to cope before was with a bottle. I am going for blood tests tomorrow, have not been for over 8 years. I didnt need a dr to tell me i drank too much but i am going with my daughter who is a wealth of support on this journey. Take care DD, deep breaths and I'm thinking of you. Never will we let AL rule our lives.

[Pavati]

Constant Vigilance

Way to go, DD! That is so important for us - to recognize triggers and work on ways to get through them without AL. Congratulations. People around here talk about HALT all the time - good on you for understanding what was going on and using your rational brain rather than your "monkey" brain. Happy New Year.

[little beagle]

Constant Vigilance

Good job Dd. The anger thing is really hard for me too. I have been walking it off, myself.

[Byrdlady]

Constant Vigilance

DD, I ate AT people and drank AT them for years and all I became was a FAT drunk! 'I 'll show them!' really backfired on ME. I have learned to sort thru my feelings now and I deal with things in totally different ways. Drinking AT people won't get back at them, it was killing ME! I am so glad you worked thru it. Be sure to tell us all about it in the ;$&@-/?!&$! Thread! You can let it all hang out there! I will bump it up for you! Family will drive you nuts !!!! Well done! Aren't you glad you didn't cave!!! Then THEY win!! Byrdie