Why can't I just do it????

[juliej15]

I think it was about a year ago that I found this site. I was so excited...a way out, other people who had the same problem as me. I didn't feel like such a freak with such a big secret. I quickly made all my purchases and started the program. I went 74 days AF!! Then one night I thought I would have just ONE glass of wine. Well guess how that went? And I haven't stopped since then.

I am back up to a bottle of wine a night (the BIG one) and maybe even a vodka shooter or two on the weekends. I know this program works, I've done it before. It was hard but it was also lonely. Feeling lonely (for me) is one of the worst feelings in the world.

My kids want me to quit (what a horrible example I am for them!) I am blacking out more and more. Last Friday nite I (apparently) had my credit card company call b/c I was late with the payment and I did a pay by phone thing and had absolutely no recollection of it until the notice came in the mail and the money came out of my checkbook. How on earth could I have let that happen?

My wine is my best friend....always there, always sympathetic. Drinking gives me an excuse to social. I seriously don't think I could have as much fun hanging out at Starbucks having a coffee or two as I can hanging out at my favorite bar having a glass of wine or two.

It makes so much sense logically for me to quit but why can't I get over this emotional hurdle to make the committment again?

[hereatlast]

Why can't I just do it????

julie i dont know the answer but if you did so well before why not hold your nose and jump in. you did so much better than i am doing i am 28 days af but i think i am going to have to stay abs as i am sure i could not moderate. i am terrified of going back to the blackouts and the phone calls that we dont remember.
i too have kids although most of the time i was able to hide my drinking, i am doing this for my own self respect, and i feel so well can you remember how well you felt when you were af would that help, i dont know what to advise you i am only new to this so would not presume to teach my grandma to suck eggs but come on julie you know you can do this

[hart]

Why can't I just do it????

((((JulieJ))))

Hon I could have written what you posted (if you substitute beer for wine). I had been talking about quitting for a long time. I had blackouts, I even went to sleep with a bottle in my hand, had conversations I don't remember, missed work, the whole nine yards.

I kept waiting for something...."rock bottom" as they say, or and there was the excuse my hubby was right there w/me. As if that was an excuse for MY behavior.

It's different for everyone. I am taking Camparol?(sic) something like that and I really do believe it is helping. But I had to get to a place I made the committment. It's different for everyone, don't be hard on yourself, you are HERE. So a part of you knows you need to stop or cut down.....I have no magic words, but I sure as hell feel better than I have in about a year.........:wow: And I'm only AF day 2......Take care hon.

[lushy]

Why can't I just do it????

Julie, you CAN do this. You have already proven that to yourself when you were AF for so long. If you know the program worked for you then get back to doing it. Try and remember what you loved about being AF and keep that as your focal point for going for it again......wishing you the best!!!

[toughintexas]

Why can't I just do it????

Hey girl, I can tell you that your kids will hold this againist you, throw it up to you, etc., and you'll hate that a bunch....my kids have confronted me about things I didn't think they knew, or thought I hid from them, when they were small....they KNOW....my daughter and son are 21 and 24, and my daughter is my best pal, but she will walk-out, drive off, catch a plane, you name it if I have more than 2 glasses of wine in front of her, and she's my best friend...it'd kill me for her to know that I've hidden "episodes" from her in the past 18mos., (she thinks I've quit overindulging, and never knew it was a "real problem")....its soooo tough I know! But also as a cancer survivor, so far anyway, we HAVE to quit/cutback because high incidence of breast cancer with us gals that drink wayyyyy toooo much! We have to set a good example....my kids have looked me staight in the eye, and said..."don't ever even think about saying a word about my friends or me ever having too much too drink".....so you loose control right there....thank goodness mine don't, because they are afraid they'll ACT LIKE I DO WHEN I DRINK TOO MUCH....what a lovely thought and vision!!! You will hit rock bottom, you will have a wreck coming home from the bar, hurt someone else, land in jail, no license, you name it, it will happen, one day, I'm lucky it didn't happen to me, but I mostly drank at home, still do....its dangerous.....gotta be there for the kids, gotta get a grip, you did better than I Ever Have to go that long....you are an idol for me to think this program will give me 74 days, etc.....Get up on that horse again, and let us all do this together, take it from me, you don't want your kids to hate the you, that being drunk turns you into...its not you, its the alchohol.....Come on girl, we gotta all get a new HOBBY.....lol.......

[sami]

Why can't I just do it????

Julie.....I logged on tonight with thoughts of writing a similar post. Sigh. It is so hard. So very hard. But you, my friend, have gone 71 days longer than I ever have! Thanks for sharing your story. Our story. Our Way Out?

[Andy1111]

Why can't I just do it????

Julie. Try this approach. Take whatever time it is right now and tell yourself you will quit drinking for exactly one hour, take it hour by hour. Just a little bit of time. Don't think of it in years...this applies to anything in life. For Donald Trump to get rich, sure he had to dream about the future, but still keep his mind on the specific tasks and deals that he had going on at the very moment. He couldn't afford to think about the future. So my message is this: think about this moment. The moment you are in right now and nothing else. The rest will fall into place. Good luck!

[Determinator]

Why can't I just do it????

Julie, first off I feel your frustrations, and like the others here I feel close to them myself. the happy association we have with wine drinking (or whatever it is) is something we learned over a great deal of time. It didn't become this super close friend over night, or even over a few months...it took years to slowly creep up on us. Reversing this will take a lot of time and effort. We CAN learn to have just as much fun with other activities too, they will simply take time too until they become close and "real" to us.
my two cents for what it's worth.
Be strong, you know what you want.

[jane rees]

Why can't I just do it????

you don't have to be lonely, just strong.

Hi Julie I too am very new and so wouldn't presume to have wise words. But, you can still hang out with your friends at the bar, you just have to choose coke ( not the sniffing kind, HA!) and you can have an occasional glass of wine, but pour it over huge ice bocks. Leave the wine out of the fridge, it's not so tempting when it's warm. Must admit, I have been trying to find some kind of soft drink that tastes a little like sav. blanc., to no avail.
Another cuppa anyone...?
Jane

[betty boop]

Why can't I just do it????

Julie love,

Take a deep breath ......... Well done on your 74 days!!!

I know how you feel, it's gradually crept up on me again too, my hubby drinks as well, and every night when we open a bottle we say 'tomorrow we won't drink', and then we say, 'can you remember how good we felt when we weren't drinking?' Yes, we both say, it will be good to feel like that again .......... tomorrow ............ but tomorrow hasn't happened yet.

I seem to tell myself that because I know that I CAN do some AF days (last year i didn't think that I could) that its not so bad, but it is .....

Dig deep and go for it JUlie, you know that you will feel better!!!

Love & Hugs :h :l :h

[Debh]

Why can't I just do it????

Hi Julie

Well Done 74 Days.

I have woken up and had the shakes, wont to be sick. Coming here has made me stronger I have a drink on special oc. and it is hard to stop at that. one step forward three steps back. but you and I will get there.

Debh

[Camelia]

Why can't I just do it????

Giant Ice Cube trays at IKEA

Hi

good idea about the huge ice cubes - made me think of the laughter my sister and I shared over the EBNORMOUS ice cubes we can make from IKEA's ice cube trays - 4 per tray. We bought them in anticipaton of our vodka drinking friends imminent visit last year - she's always berating us for not having ice cubes (we both being wino's!).

Also, Ive read RJs book and to make up the order I ordered 'The Drink Less Mind' by Georgia Foster. It's great too......helps you see where we are 'stuck' in a behavioural pattern that WE CAN CHANGE. It comes with a hypno CD which I am using as I wait for the ones from this site. It's really nice and soothing. This is powerful stuff - anyone out there wondering if its worth adding hypno - I'd say DEFINITELY. Hard research has been carried out on athletes asked to imagine rather than enact physical training sessions, The imagined training made measurable physical differences to their muscles and fitness levels. We harness the same process with hypno giving ourselves choices that we erroneously believe we no longer have.

You CAN do it!

[itsallaboutme]

Why can't I just do it????

Julie
I don't even know you and I'm proud of you. I went close to 30 days and blew it. Having a hard time getting there again too. Glad I found yoou all though. I feel better all ready!