Regards,
I am new here but definitely not new to the alcohol game. Instead of being my usual stubborn self I decided that I need support and that is why I am here. AA was not an option as several friends tried that a failed miserably. Today is the start of me never touching that garbage again.
I have never told myself that I would never drink again but instead insisted that I would be able to drink like a normal person. I would be able to just drink on the weekends and that would last for a month tops before I went back to drinking every night and have been doing so, albeit the infrequent detours, for thirteen years now.
The longest that I have lasted in those thirteen years without booze was eleven days and I felt fricking fantastic but the addiction is a living, breathing entity that talks to you and tries to coerce you at every turn and soon I was right back to my old ways. I hate it, I hate it with an absolute passion and it is time to stop. I am tired of the hangovers, the shakes that make me feel uncomfortable in social situations, the fights, the looks from my wife, the "props" that my friends give me when I can drink them under the table and still be up drinking well after their bodies told them they have had too much, being too tired to do things with my wonderful children.
I cant believe the person that I have turned into and given my history with booze I am surprised I ever touched it in the first place. My step father was a total alcoholic that used to beat the hell out of my mother, my grandfather was an alcoholic piece of shit, my aunt and uncle are alcoholics, my father in law drank himself to death just two years ago and my mother drank herself to death in 2005. How the hell did I become like that after everything? Well, its time. I will never touch it again, Im done and I'm going to silence that addiction entity that I spoke of.
I hope that I can come here when those urges come about or just to vent as I go through this process. Thank any of you that took the time to read this, I could have written an entire novel on what I have been through.
I am new here but definitely not new to the alcohol game. Instead of being my usual stubborn self I decided that I need support and that is why I am here. AA was not an option as several friends tried that a failed miserably. Today is the start of me never touching that garbage again.
I have never told myself that I would never drink again but instead insisted that I would be able to drink like a normal person. I would be able to just drink on the weekends and that would last for a month tops before I went back to drinking every night and have been doing so, albeit the infrequent detours, for thirteen years now.
The longest that I have lasted in those thirteen years without booze was eleven days and I felt fricking fantastic but the addiction is a living, breathing entity that talks to you and tries to coerce you at every turn and soon I was right back to my old ways. I hate it, I hate it with an absolute passion and it is time to stop. I am tired of the hangovers, the shakes that make me feel uncomfortable in social situations, the fights, the looks from my wife, the "props" that my friends give me when I can drink them under the table and still be up drinking well after their bodies told them they have had too much, being too tired to do things with my wonderful children.
I cant believe the person that I have turned into and given my history with booze I am surprised I ever touched it in the first place. My step father was a total alcoholic that used to beat the hell out of my mother, my grandfather was an alcoholic piece of shit, my aunt and uncle are alcoholics, my father in law drank himself to death just two years ago and my mother drank herself to death in 2005. How the hell did I become like that after everything? Well, its time. I will never touch it again, Im done and I'm going to silence that addiction entity that I spoke of.
I hope that I can come here when those urges come about or just to vent as I go through this process. Thank any of you that took the time to read this, I could have written an entire novel on what I have been through.
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