Moderation movement...

[MossRose]

Moderation movement...

TG - I can see that I only made things worse and I owe you an apology. I was having a bad night, and I took your post wrong. I am truly sorry. Whatever feels right for you is all that counts. I'll be behind you 100 percent.

Jazi - why would anyone be furious with you? The AA model doesn't work for me either so we are on the same page. Like you, I came to MWO with every intention of moderating. It didn't work out for me but I cheer for everyone who is successful.

TG - I suppose all I was trying to tell you is to be careful. You still have your family. I waited too long to quit. I attempted to moderate but in the end, I just kept drinking and drinking and then I lost it all...my family, my home...just about everything. It's not that I think you are doomed to failure. I just want you to be aware of the pitfalls. I want better for you. Take care and keep us posted.

[MossRose]

Moderation movement...

I know that my response to TG might have appeared harsh. I certainly didn't mean to inflame passions, and yes - everyone is welcome here and all viewpoints should be respected.

Jazi - you and I agree on more things than you know. I don't believe in the AA model either. It works for many, but not for me. I think that addiction is more biochemical in nature, which is why I spend so much time on the holistic health boards. I hope you won't let one contentious thread make you leave MWO. You are a valued member here, and eloquently state your beliefs and thoughts. I always enjoy reading your posts, even if I don't always agree. But I always learn something new, and that is a wonderful thing.

DipGal - you nailed it. "Those who have found that abstaining is the only option that works for them are passionate about saving newbies the grief they went through." Guilty as charged. When I finally showed up on MWO's doorstep, my life was in tatters. I had just lost my marriage, my home, and my sons were barely speaking to me. Before you envision me a drunk lying in a gutter, please understand, I have a very good job, lots of friends, a loving extended family, and was married for decades. I was able to pull off the "high functioning alcoholic" role for years. In the end, it caught up with me and I had a decision to make. So when new, young members join and they still have it all - family and home, job and friends, yes - I want them to see me as a cautionary tale. I've posted many times that it's much easier to avoid the problems caused by AL than try to repair the damage later.

So there it is. I stand by what I said even if I'm not proud for being so abrasive. But it was my opinion - even if it came across as "unmitigated gall." That was not my intent. But I am truly sorry if anyone feels uncomfortable to speak their mind. Moderating is certainly an option. MWO was founded on that principle. That was my goal when I got here too. Believe me - it was all I could think about. However, as Byrdie pointed out - there are other conditions - powerful pharmaceuticals are recommended in the book that not all of us are comfortable taking. I know I wasn't, so moderating was a failure for me.

I don't really want to start this debate again. I am only trying to make things right. So let's all be friends and wish TG the best of luck on his journey.

[Jazi's Mum]

Moderation movement...

MossRose, well said. And I appreciate your honesty too. You are never abrasive!! And to state my position in a clearer way: I do know that abstinence is the best bet for most of us. However, we may not get there in the same way.

What I really resent is the attitude that complete abstinence from "day one" is the only way. This flies in the face of decades of solid research.

But I guess this is a thread jack and I should just stop :H
JMum

[TheSunFlower]

Moderation movement...

I think that abstainers can come off as "hardcore", almost as if we are predicting failure. I have no idea how it will work out for people trying to moderate. Whatever your goals are and for whatever reasons....wish you the best.

I am just grateful that I finally woke up to what alcohol really is. I don't wish I could have one or ten. I simply have no desire to drink. My life is so much more full and dynamic without the illusion of alcohol.

The whole moderation thing sounds quite exhausting. Today I am grateful that I take that energy and put it towards truly rewarding things in life. A liquid in a bottle no longer holds any appeal to me. I have everything I need without it. Guess that is why I no longer desire or want it.

[Myluck]

Moderation movement...

Great post Sunflower. This is just a music to my ears. Great words.

[YouKayBee]

Moderation movement...

I've read TGs post about the background of alcoholism in his family and if that isn't good enough reason to turn a drink down, then I don't know what is but I know I wouldn't let anyone force something that was wrecking my health and life onto me.

[TJAF]

Moderation movement...

Jazi's Mum;1616197 wrote: MossRose, well said. And I appreciate your honesty too. You are never abrasive!! And to state my position in a clearer way: I do know that abstinence is the best bet for most of us. However, we may not get there in the same way.

What I really resent is the attitude that complete abstinence from "day one" is the only way. This flies in the face of decades of solid research.

But I guess this is a thread jack and I should just stop :H
JMum

Alcoholism is as individualistic as one's fingerprint. For some of us moderation can't work. We lack the cut-off switch and as we progress and our tolerance and subsequent need for more and more alcohol grows it's only a matter of time before we kill ourselves. For others moderation is simple willpower; you have a cut-off switch.

Because we are all so different We really can't judge another's approach to dealing with alcohol anymore than we can deny what makes us all different. All we can do is to relate our own experiences and hope that the message reasonates with those that share our own unique struggle. For me, I know that if I drink today I'll drink again tomorrow and the next day and so on. Sobriety for me is both present and the future, forever interconnected.

All I ask is that if you are posting here you remain honest to yourself and to the group on the whole. There are some of us that struggle every day to maintain sobriety. Grasping at straws to justify drinking is a reality for some so just be aware that when we offer advice or opinions we do so honestly and with the best intentions at heart.

[Darkest Diamond]

Moderation movement...

What an interesting thread. I don't know for other people but I know for me I can not drink at all ever...... it wrecks my life. I know this as during the last two weeks i have been in the gloom of "functional alcoholism" I have done my job very well, but been deeply unhappy and crying on the inside. It wrecks and kills the beautiful part of me, even if I have one glass (which I hardly ever do the amount of obsession over it is heart wrenching) I will stop again, this will kill me if I don't and I want joy in my life again, I want to be open again, free and happy......... even if I feel sad and sober sorrow is so much easier for me to deal with than drunken despair.

I believe that we are all different, my path must be abstinent. For me elements of AA are helpful, elements of my faith also help me, and my own spiritual reading/growth/progression/meditation and prayer are important too.

Jazi's mum please don't leave, although you and I have different ideas on abstinence/moderation I have learnt from you and appreciated your kindness on other issues, thyroid etc. DD xxx