Kudos to all for making this such a comfortable space.
A short bit about me . . .
Own my company, have a lovely wife and 4 great, talented kids. Nice house, nice neighborhood and all that shiza. Have never had a DUI, have never hit anyone, have never lost a job or anything like that. Don't drink all day and for the most part not alone. In short the consequences of my drinking have been relatively minor as--especially--compared to others. BUT, I often awake with a raging headache, I often am startled awake at 3:00 AM, I often can not remember all the details of a conversation I had with my wife (BTW, this annoys her to no end). Since I own my own business I often knock off early to stop at the bar and "fix" the aforementioned headache . . . in short, there is no doubt in my mind that I have a problem with alcohol. It is like a once awesome relationship has turned into this awful, toxic thing.
I have 2 main fears: The first is that I am on the long road to perdition and and losing everything eventually--even if that process might take 10-20 years, or more; and the second is that somehow I could do and be so much more--a better husband, a better parent, a better freaking human being if I was not drinking as much.
I also have long suspected that there was just something wrong/off in my brain chemistry that was at fault, because I have absolutely no other reason to drink. No childhood trauma, no lack of personal or business success (in fact, a great day at the office is a great day to knock off early and get sideways!) really no reason other than I love what alcohol does to my little head.
I have been to a few AA meetings--and while I am cognizant of all the great work that AA does--I simply just could not relate. Those people are a mess. And while I am fearful that if I keep on (see above) I might one day get myself in such a state, I am not there yet and the whole experience just made me feel less able to face my issue and not more. And, it just seemed that while I most certainly and surely have a problem relationship with alcohol, it was of a different type and/or stage than many I saw there.
Which is why I am blown away to have found this program. Here is a way to effectively and realistically address my issue that 1) tackles the actual underlying brain chemistry issues and 2) offers a holistic approach--as believe it or not--outside of my drinking I am actually kinda of a health nut. and 3) does so in a private yet comforting environment. WOW! It's a trifecta.
So, I am sold. Downloaded the book and read the whole thing today at the office. Ordered the starter pack + CD's and can't wait till it gets here. My main questions revolve around the Topamax:
1. I really do not want to involve my Dr. in this. With that said has anyone had any good success or any recommendations for an online pharmacy? I notice there is a link on the site to "River Pharmacy"???
2. Is #1 really stupid? I am in great health--already workout regularly and should not have any problems/side effects, or they should be slim to none.
3. Or #3, given my somewhat "light case" of the alcohol bug, would the supps be sufficient to ward off the cravings?
Any help/insight would be awesome!
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