NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

[bluesky]

Good Morning Everyone,

For those of us who had an alcohol free evening or moderation evening - isn't it just wonderful to go to bed sober and to waken up in the morning feeling proud of our achievement and at the same time feeling fantastic and guilt free. For others who slipped up, today is another day, and please remember that we are all here for you when you feel strong enough to start out again.

I say this every day and I'm sure it is getting boring - but what a wonderful place this is to come to with such wonderful caring people. I am humbled to be part of it and gratified that I feel us as one big family looking out to help each other.

Start of AF day 10 for me and thank goodness it's going well (still being 100% unsociable). I like quite a few of us am trying to lose all the weight that the alcohol has piled on and am disappointed to have lost ony 1.6 kgs in 9 days - I thought it would come rolling off. I am exercising and dieting, but it will come. Has anyone out there tried the apple vinigar - 1 t/s diluted in water before each meal and it's meant to speed up the metabolism, I'm going to start today. Still waiting on my package from the States.

Welcome to all our newcomers and good luck, we all have our ups and downs and it wont be easy but we are all there for each other 24/24 on this wonderful MWO site. Have a great day.

Bluesky XX

[Janice]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Morning Bluesky and everyone following our daily thread, just a quick post before taking off for work. I've got to agree with everything Bluesky says - it is like being a part of a big family - a family that understands you. Anyway, will be back on later. Bluesky are you in Uk, its just Im waiting my cds too and wondered how long they would take - ordered them 2 weeks tomorrow. Have a good day everyone. Janice

[bird]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

mornig all'
Did not do well yesterday. Was so tired after work. I know this is a strong trigger for me and don't know why I always fall for it. I'm beat this morning. I t was so hard to get out of bed. I think I'm getting a bit depressed about the school year coming to an end also. I don't really like it when the kids are out for the summer. I miss all the goings on at school. I'm on the school council and I do alot of volunteer work and I miss that during the summer. Time to get the kids up. Later bird

[retteacher]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Hi Everyone: I too don't know what I'd do wo/MWO. I tried to go it alone & was just plain isolated. I haven't been this honest in a long, long time. I put a zero in my drink tracker for yesterday. Feel great about that & feel strong right now. I've got to remember that feeling good is sometimes a trigger for me. Time for a "reward." So I'm on my guard, because I really want sobriety. As I've said many times mod is just not in the cards for me. It's all or nothing.

I'm trying to remember when I went from drinking (sometimes heavy) to alcoholic drinking (hiding, drinking alone etc.). Maybe about 5 or 6 years ago. It just kind of crept up on me. Anyhow, now that I've admitted my alcoholism to myself & you, I feel I can do something about it. Have a great day everyone.

[Janice]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Bluesky - just got back from work and my cds are here so took almost 2 weeks to the UK. Janice

[Janice]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Retteacher - I know, thats what's great about this site - we can all just open up and be honest. The lengths I would go to, to hide my afternoon drink in case anyone came in!! I would strategically position my half-full glass (half-full so I could pour it down the sink if anyone came to the door!) behind the kettle, cereal boxes, at the back of shelves etc. etc. I would make sure I bought the same wine/same bottle/box as what was there when my husband had his last drink, so he wouldn't know that I had "downed" that wine many days ago! The things we do or should I say did!!! Janice

[aquamarine]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Hi Everyone, Feeling pretty good today. I'm on my third day of keeping a journal. I think it really helps to organize my head a bit. Each morning I am going to try to anticipate what might come up in the next 24 hours that could trigger a craving so maybe I can be stronger at resisting. Don't see too much of a problem today. The kids baseball season is in full swimg so it takes up most nights, which is good.Bluesky- congratulations on day 10 for you. That is wonderful. It's a great feeling isn't it. I am trying to lose weight too. It's taking a lot more effort than I thought it would but I am determined. Janice - good luck with the cds.I haven't really used them regularly but I do find them to be incredibly relaxing.Hope you have a good day. Reteacher- Yes this problem can be so isolating. It's like a scary big dark secret. I think that is why this helps so much is to have people to talk to so honestly about your alcohol problem I think we all need that desperately to get better. I was a master hider of what I drank. What an unbelievable stressful thing to be doing all the time. Hope you stay strong today. Remember you are not alone.Bird- Sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday and not feeling too well today. Remember we are here for you. Put your head up and go forward, today is a new day. I can relate to school coming to an end. I also do alot of work in the school and am kind of not looking forward to the end of the year. Hope you have a better day today. Aquamarine

[bluesky]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Janice, Retteacher all of you,
My goodness dont or didn't we have such naughty habits, I have done them all too, exactly the same ones Janice, behind the kettle was my favourite, sometimes I had a few hidden glasses, I used to forget where they were all hidden, OK until my husband found them the next day as he went to get things from the cupboards etc! It's ironic but it's bringing a chuckle to my face.
Glad that your package has arrived Janice, I'm living in Europe so hope to be getting them any day now as I ordered them the same time as you, yay, yay, yay.

Retteacher, it's that reward isn't it? I've been invited for a drink Friday, aghhhhhh I've never been able to go to a "drink" and have water and we know the story after we start. But I'm asking myself if I do manage to have water - what would my rewardbe? Wine has always been my reward! aghhhhh it's a never ending cirle. Anyway, one day at a time.

Bird sorry to hear that you are not feeling at your best, is there nothing else you can do to busy yourself with during the summer? Our thoughts are with you and we will get through this together. Be strong and take your supps.

Gook luck all

Bluesky X

PS Janice - How's your MUM?

[nancy]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

May 16 on the wagon

Well, here we are at May 16.

For me, it was 4 days on, four days off, this is my eighth day on the wagon.

I broke down and took a sleeping pill last night. I don't like to take them because I know they are addictive. Anyway, I feel a bit better today having had some rest.

I hope to lose some weight but nothing has come off yet.

I have an unrelated illness that benefits from minimizing alcohol, so I think that and the hope of weight loss and better skin are proving to be good motivating factors. I feel like i really need some time away from the booze to compare the experiences and develop healthier coping skills for anxiety, depression and loneliness.

Bluesky, you don't have to go for that drink on friday. But if you do, try a drink that looks like a real one. It's not as bad as you think, i have done it before, though not recently. Try tonic water with lime or get one of those european non-alcoholic beers. order the name not the nonalcoholic bit. or get one of those deluxe virgin mixed drinks. all of these will look like the real thing.

also, how well do you know these friends? maybe you could tell one of them what you are trying to do? it will be sooo much easier. have some sort of excuse prepared just in case.
and if you don't know them that well, maybe consider not going. or can you ask to meet for dinner instead?

i don't know what your goals are, but when i abstain for an evening, i tell myself it's not permanent, hopefully someday i will be able to moderate, just not now. that helps me get through it.

[luckyone]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Good Morning,
Yahoo!!!!! Day 2.....I am feeling great and reading all of your posts makes me feel even better. I have been isolating myself from others. It is much easier to stay stuck. I can relate to you all so much. I to was hiding my drinking from others and to wake up with out panic and shame is the greatest feeling ever. I know that I have just begun but so far so good. I thank you all and am so happy that I have decided to open up to others and admit to myself that I can not do this alone. I feel safe here. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Feeling groovie!!!

[zincityzen]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

My many empty wine bottles had been sitting in recycling for some time, it was full to overflowing, each one consumed by little me, all alone - I resisted hiding how much I had been drinking, knowing that I'd be making a choice for the worst, though I had started sneaking wine during the day, on my days off ... the wind blew away our recycling bin week before last, so maybe that's symbolic. Now I want to proudly deposit all the cranberry juice bottles that I've been going thru. I've been AF without support a few times in my life, but this is SO different! And much, much better. Thank you all!

[Kitty]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Hi everyone,

I didn't log on at all yesterday because I was so exhausted and I really did miss you all and MWO.

Thanks for starting today Bluesky and congrats on 10 days.

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit low Bird hope you feel better soon.

Good luck with the CD's janice.

Hi Aqua, your journal sounds like it's a real help.

And hello Amanda, I hope you're ok, please let us know how you are getting on if you have time. Hope the B & B is coming along.

Retteacher I know what you mean about reward drinks, I'm back on day 4 and I'm already planning my Saturday reward drink if I make it through the week. I've been here 3 weeks now and all in all it's been pretty good and I've only drank 4 days out of 21 and none to excess.

Mind you all these clear heads have given me alot of time to reflect on my past actions and some not very nice memories are resurfacing.

I remembered recently how I used to sneak into my flat mates room years ago and pinch his whisky. He used to keep a bottle in his room (he thought it was safe hidden from me) and I used to drink some and then fill it up with water. I'd do this repeatedly until the contents of the bottle were to pale to pass as whisky then I'd go out and buy a cheap brand to replace it. Then I'd start over with the diluting. I don't even like whisky!!!! Sneaking and stealing, not something I'm proud of.

I never want to do things like that again so even though remembering all the bad things I've done is painful hopefully they will remind me of the madness of it all.

Anyway have a great day everyone.

Kitty

[retteacher]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Hi Again: I'm still hanging in. I come to the computer for a little strength now & then. I really like this thread. It's daily, & we get to keep w/each others' struggles & successes.

As I said in a previous thread, I've been listening to Caroline Knapp's, "Drinking: A Love Story." She says that alcoholism is a disease of denial & that's so true of me. "I'm not so bad." "I deserve this." However, the hiding & secretiveness has been very soul-destroying for me. I would like to live an authentic life. I would like to have my outsides match up w/my insides. I would like to feel my feelings (as opposed to numbing them) & do something about them. Learn to cope & bring issues to some closure. Ups & downs are a part of life...I want to stop using alcohol as a means of coping. That's not coping for me...it's creating more problems.

Bird: Keep hanging in. Once this bad spell (physical? hangover?) passes, perhaps if you remember it when you feel the cravings. I try to remember how rotten drinking makes me feel & how wonderful sobriety makes me feel. Am I always successful? No, but I think I'm getting closer to my goal. I've been concentrating on this newbie forum, but I'm sure if I read more on the long-time abstainer forum, I'd see that they all struggled (especially in the beginning. Anyhow, a big hug from me.

[Lorelei]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Day 6 for me. Today I am struggling a bit, I don't necessarily want to drink but I could stand to punch something. I have this client who is being a real PIA and keeps wanting more work without more money. This is our first time working with him and we are generally lenient with first time clients - in hopes of repeat business. I hope he finds our work a good value but in the meantime he is driving me crazy!!!!!

We were also supposed to get DSL installed here at the office today but the Telecomm dude couldn't find where our phone lines are hooked up. We had DSL before, how hard can it be?!?!?!?!?

Also my main stress reliever is not available today. As I have mentioned in other posts I am a gamer and today my game is down for an update. That was the only game on my nice laptop and now I can't blow anything up. *sniff* *sniff*

I can't wait to hit the gym this afternoon!!

-Lorelei

[ducky]

NEWBIES IN NEED - DAY 16

Wow, lots of action while I was off at the gym! Bluesky, you are so right about this site; what a nice place to know we can visit each day!

Janice, Zincityzen, Kitty -- I can so relate to all of your stories about hiding the booze and worrying about the recycles. I have often had just a little extra drink in a small glass in the sink (while cooking dinner) that can easily go down the drain. How sad. And the garbage men must think we are quite the party house...

Bird, I was feeling like you on Monday. Take care -- it will pass.

Retteacher, Nancy, Lucky -- great job on AF days.

Aquamarine, I like the trigger journal idea. Hi Lorelei!

Well I have had 2 mods nights and aiming to keep it up. I feel much better when I wake up although it is hard at the witching hour...