falling out with mom

[tf3030]

Not really alcohol related, but my mother called me this morning and a rather nonchalant conversation turned into a discussion about how much of a failure I am, which seems to happen almost every time. I'm going through a lot right now and she has no understanding or sympathy. I ended up telling her never to talk to me again. Painful, shameful yet perhaps for the best. I've spent so much time abusing myself, I don't need someone else to do it.

[hart]

falling out with mom

I'm sorry. Some people just know how to push our buttons and we find ourselves falling into the same old responses when they start again. It's hard to break patterns but not impossible. When she calls again if this happens take a deep breath then interrupt her. Tell her if she doesn't stop talking like this you are going to hang up on her. Then if she doesn't stop, do so. Noone deserves to be abused and what your mother is doing is verbal abuse. You do not have to take this and it does not help you stop drinking. Especially in the early stages of getting sober you are vulnerable to reaching for a bottle to cope with these painful things. Don't do it. Instead, take control and as I say warn your mother then DO IT!

[Samstone]

falling out with mom

Thought about this a little bit... it is always terrible to have a run in with family. The thing is, perhaps you are trying to get a handle on this AL thing and really don't need anybody's bullshit. Time for you to come first, first in your quit and first to take very good care of yourself doing it. Screen the calls if you can and don't answer who you don't want to talk to. Get some sober time behind you and begin to set your priorities. Time to be selfish in your quit! F..k em and the white horse they rode in on.

[Marylou123]

falling out with mom

TF - I'm sorry about your fight with mom too. Please, post here. You are surrounded here by understanding, sympathetic friends who love you. You are a success!

[available]

falling out with mom

Oh Tf, i have a mother like yours, i am sure she does not think before she speaks and then doesnt care about the consequences until after and then becomes the victim as she is old. I had a huge fight with my mother after putting me down she then proceeded to put my children down, played the victim and went home. I then gave up al just after and have not had a drink since. I also have had very little communication with her phone wise although we email everyday. She has now asked me to go to thailand with her for 2 weeks, i have said yes i will go but i will not tolerate her behaviour if she starts. I have not even told her i have given up drinking as she would say something like "oh wonder how long this will last, like you giving up smoking". I am not going to drink AT her and i think of her as a toddler whom i have to be patient with and would love to smack if i got half the chance.

Good luck TF but start thinking of yourself and your quit and bitch away i will be right behind you with my mother.

TF my mother actually told my 22 year old daughter that she would never amount to anything, that did very well to my beautiful daughters self esteem and she hates her grandmother.

[tf3030]

falling out with mom

Thank you everyone for your support. It's sad that when you talk about your problems and people give you honest, non-judgemental advice that it shocks you and makes you wonder where this was all your life. My mom is not the only person in my life who has been abusive. Luckily I've kicked them all to the curb and for the most part have moved on. One exception being My cat who can be a jerk sometimes, but I love him anyway lol.

[lead366]

falling out with mom

Gheeze---Effen parents huh?...maybe thats why the slang term is becoming "Rents" lol

Ive seen this so much before and had some glib comments from my dad and grandpa.....For no reason other than to mask their own issues,,,Yes---they drank.

Stick with the cat!...animals are soooooo important......your mom will one day turn around.....but stick with your own feelings and stand with your true friends.

Sorry about the issue...but its quite a global phenomena. lol

[SKendall]

falling out with mom

If I may add to this. My mother was controlling and abusive and I took a "break" from her and it felt wonderful. She was critical of everything I did. After that "break" she held no more power over me - it was over a year.

Gain control my dear, and it will help in your path to sobriety.

[kuya]

falling out with mom

I have a mother, now 83 and with alzheimers. She is a narcissist and gave birth to and then abandoned us three children.

I feel sorry for her, she had a damaged childhood herself BUT would never address the problems and wallows in self pity and denial.

In my eyes old people are simply young people grown older. They deserve no more or less sympathy than any other age group. They certainly should GAIN empathy and parenting skills through the years, not be excused because they are 'old'. Age should bring wisdom and MORE tolerance, not less.

I know I am becoming a better mother as the years go on.......because my children tell me so.

Long story short.....if they are not up to the job......fire them! :H

[tf3030]

falling out with mom

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I'll share one little "gem" she imparted to me: I had told her of my plight, being on day 5 of my detox, that I had the day off work and was lying in bed still going through the withdrawals and her response was "I wish I could trade places with you and lay in bed all day". To which I replied "please do. You'll change your mind in about 10 minutes"

[Marylou123]

falling out with mom

Perfect reply TF! Good for you.