Doesn't get easier...

[briseus]

Doesn't get easier...

Thank you so much Daisy45. Today wasn't too bad?yesterday I was definitely a mess?emotional and everything?I just need to get through the irritableness and all. I am hoping night 2 will be better and that day 3 will be okay. But you are right, we can keep trying, again and again and again until it sticks. I really hope it does this time!

MossRose ~ thank you so much for your kind words. Isn't anxiety terrible?? :/ I really do hate it. But you are right?it definitely will lessen if I don't have alcohol in my life. It's happened before?I guess when I do slip then it's because there are just those days where I feel like I can't cope but instead I should be coming on here and venting - which I plan on doing in the future.

I seem to be doing okay after I get past day 1?I am just a little afraid of the weekend. Long weekend coming up here in Canada too. I hope I can do this. I know I can.

[paulywogg]

Doesn't get easier...

Bri,you are doing great! just keep going i know it gets HARD,i stupidly let the hardness get to me on saturday,and i tell you even though i didnt drink much it feels like i just got off a week long bender,if only i would have held out i would have been going forward in healing instead of the same old backward,it wont get better til we stick with it and let our bodies heal,stick out the shit days and the next is usually bliss

[briseus]

Doesn't get easier...

Thanks Paulywogg!
You're right…I remember in the past too that even if I slipped and had a few drinks (and not nearly as much as I usually did) then I really did feel guilty for drinking and going backwards as well! I really need a few days under my belt. I need to get out of feeling this way all the time, just coasting through my life just to drink.
Anyways - I will definitely do my best to stick out the shit days!! And best of luck to you!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Doesn't get easier...

Hi Bri- I've been AF for 8 days, but I've been distracted by "life events" that's truly interfered with my date with Mr. Merlot, lol. Day 3 may be hard for you tomorrow, so get ready.

You can either sabotage your journey, or decide to attack it with activities and planned alternative beverages. My favorite AF drink is soda water with a dash of pure cranberry (or pomegranate) juice, and a twist of lime. Be sure to take your vitamins, especially Vitamin(s) B to help your body bounce back. I drink a sugar free vitamin supplement (like EmergenC Vitamin Plus, or EcoDrink Daily)~

Stay close if you need to vent~ :hug:

[MossRose]

Doesn't get easier...

Bri - Anxiety is awful. I have spent my whole life trying to run away from it, to kill it, to just plain annihilate it. I hate anxiety. It makes me miserable.

Unfortunately, my way was not a good plan. I drank. I was looking for peace of mind. But i lost not only that, but so much more. And I had it backwards. I thought drinking would alleviate the anxiety. It only made things worse.

So I'm glad you reached out here first. I'm always just a PM away if you need to talk. xxooxx

[briseus]

Doesn't get easier...

NotHappyHourHappyLife ~ thank you for your encouraging words - you are right...if I don't plan then I am going to be stuck and go right back to square one. Day 3 is a little difficult...I have been thinking about the booze...but I don't plan on drinking - or going out to buy it for that matter. And thanks for the alternative drink suggestion - that sounds yummy!

MossRose ~ you are right...drinking does only make the anxiety worse. I mean...when you drank it definitely went away but then it was there, again - the next day...so now...I really have to find alternative ways of destressing and dealing with my anxiety...so far it's OK...but it's only day 3.
Thank you for your kinds words, it's nice to know that someone is out there that understands.

Technically, I shouldn't be saying I am on day 3...I will say 2...because on day 1, I drink earlier in the day (*shudder*before noon*shudder*) and it was a glass or two...but my biggest obstacles are my evenings...and I did persevere Tuesday night...but I think I would feel wrong saying day 3...so I will say that today I am on day 2. Full day.
I am feeling irritable...very freakin' tired...I could fall asleep at my desk right now and it's only 6pm...I am hungry...I want to eat everything in site...but then I would feel guilty and want to drink even more so...I don't know.
I had an OK sleep last night - but crazy night sweats again...woke up shivering every time.

Overall when I wake up I am proud that I made it...and that I feel more *alive* then when I had been drinking...but that voice does creep up...and tells you that drinking is fun, it's a carefree way of spending the night, blablablablabla - all bs...because after the 2nd or 3rd things get a little blurry...I think it's that initial high more than anything...
Anyways...going to drag my butt home...and read more of the toolbox...and just be productive.

Thanks for listening everyone and for the kinds words and advice.
I definitely feel brain foggy right now.

-Bri

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Doesn't get easier...

Bri~
do you have any ice cream in the house? Just a thought, since sometimes it's the sugar low that also can drive us to have "just one"... grab the spoon and make a diet coke float!

You can do this! You'll be so proud of your achievement tomorrow. Don't let the bewitching Alcohol Genie out of the bottle... keep him trapped!

:l Patty

[briseus]

Doesn't get easier...

Hey Patty ~ You know who?come to think of it, since I began drinking I stopped eating sweets all together - I do not like them?even ice cream ~ I was always into the salty - comfort food type things?like fries, chips, pasta, potatoes. YumYum.
So unfortunately I didn't have any ice cream in the house?just PASTA - which is the devil?lol. So I made up a big bowl and then after dinner, because I was bored and needed to distract myself, I cleaned my pantry out and threw all my pasta out. :/
I do have a desire to be healthy too while quitting - and losing the last 35lbs that I gained while I started drinking.
Alcohol has made me gain 50lbs total!! I lost some back in September/Oct when I cut way back on drinking (only drank on Saturdays) but need to lose the last bit?and really want to have a bit of time under my belt?or rather, forever time.
So?yes?I didn't go out and buy any AL tonight.


I know this might sound silly but it feels like I can "feel" my liver?when I sit - a bit hunched over?or my gallbladder, which I hear can be affected?it was very tender on Monday?and hurting less and less as the days go by?I guess I really overdid it on the weekend.

Anyways?onward and upward.

-Bri

Ps. I think I might pick up some Haagan Daaz tomorrow.

[paulywogg]

Doesn't get easier...

Bri,screw the weight loss for now itll come later,just focus on whatever it takes not to drink(i sound like a hypocrite)ive also had that pain youre talking about,i think its just an irritated,inflamed liver,mine goes away after a few days,keep going

[briseus]

Doesn't get easier...

You're right Paulywogg?I shouldn't be too concerned with what I eat at the moment?it seems like I am always replacing one addiction for another?
I had eating disorders where I was obsessive with food?then I took some prescription drugs (that was short lived and in high school), then smoking (which I quit four years ago) and now alcohol. Ugh. Always something! The food thing is always there, in the back of my mind?

I hope this inflamed liver thing goes away?it's uncomfortable to say the least.

But ya know what?? Especially for this weekend, I will throw all caution to the wind. I will definitely go get my own Haagan Daaz (boyfriend can't touch it!! And maybe eat all the potatoes I want!! BUAHAHA!

-Bri

[K9Lover]

Doesn't get easier...

Eat, eat and then eat some more! Whatever it takes to feel satisfied and not drink. I didn't start trying to lose weight until I had over a year sober...now that I am at 2 years I am STILL trying to quit smoking. At one point I tried to diet, exercise, quit smoking and quit drinking...guess how many I succeeded at? NONE. Just focus on not drinking for now. Everything else will fall into place.

And for when you stumble, imagine you are walking up a flight of stairs, if you fell, would you go back to the bottom step and start over? Nope. You'd pick up where you fell and keep going. This journey is the same...you don't "start over" when you mess up, and that's because you've learned a lot along the way and that doesn't just go away!

Hang in there friend! :l

[briseus]

Doesn't get easier...

Thanks so much K9 (ps is that you in the pic?). I like the way you described the walking up the stairs thing. I wouldn't go all the way to the bottom so I would pick myself up where I tripped up.
So far my weekend is going okay. I haven't been craving wine that much. Just a little sad when I think I will never drink again. So I tell myself I am only doing this for a while but all I can do is take it one day at a time. Think about today and not tomorrow. I gotta stop living both in the past and future but live for me RIGHT NOW.

My boyfriend and I went for a belated Valentines dinner and it was a lot cheaper then usual because no booze was bought! Of course I thought about AL a couple times but day 5 has been going well. Can't believe I've been sober for most of the weekend. I really can't remember the last time I was sober for a weekend. Maybe summer of 2012. Wow.

I still have my ice cream in the freezer but am still full from dinner.
I journaled (a good 4 pages or so), am doing bed sheet laundry and will change my sheets and will make tea and maybe watch a movie.
I need to treat myself though. Maybe I will do my nails? Or perhaps buy myself a nice pair of pajamas.
When perpetually drunk I went to bed in my clothes or the same nightgown every night. That I ripped the last time I was drunk.
So a nice PJ set might be just up my alley.

Thank you for listening.
Onto day 7.

[daisy45]

Doesn't get easier...

Hey Bri, you are doing great - getting past a weekend builds muscles!! I am like you and rarely touch sweet stuff but over this past couple of weeks find myself having a chocolate bar or biscuit in the evening - we must have fulfilled our sugar fix with wine before so not too bothered...
Treat yourself when you feel a personal milestone - after all, look at the money wasted beforehand. I am trying to build up a change of wardrobe to help feel good about myself as I progress - really liking it and I was never really into shopping - finding out new things about myself.....

[angel77]

Doesn't get easier...

Hi Bri, I have just recently stopped drinking again also. I jumped in on this thread a little late, although just wanted to say hope you are doing ok. I also have anxiety/depression which I think what leads to me to drink a lot of the time. I think my mindset is changing slowly though. Good Luck.

[briseus]

Doesn't get easier...

Hey Daisy - I agree with you, alcohol is high in sugar…so now that we aren't drinking our glucose levels drop? Maybe our bodies are so used to all that sugar we have been giving it time and time again, every single night…I seem to be crashing all the time around 6pm. I haven't touched anything sweet yet though. :/ But I do have my pint of Haagan Daaz in the freezer, just in case.
And you are right..I decided that the nights that I bought wine I will take that money out of the ATM or at the end of the week and put it into a savings account. Or treat myself. A new wardrobe sounds fabulous! Would love to do that, but still need to lose some weight…one day at a time!

Hey Angel - it's never too late to jump in on a thread. What day are you on now? I am on day 6 - although there was a typo in my last post saying it was day 7.
That is why I drank too, to deal with my anxiety, OCD…and now come to think of it, probably depression.
What steps - or what are you doing to change your mindset? I am open to all suggestions!

So now it is day 6…almost the end of the long weekend…wow. Can't go out and buy booze today anyways because all the liquor stores are closed - not that I would want to.
So I am going to keep busy with cleaning today and studying…make a healthy meal tonight and then turn in early after a bubble bath and probably some haagan daaz.

Happy Sober Day everyone...