Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Just Another Personal Thread

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    #16
    Just Another Personal Thread

    The theme of the Psycho-Cybernetics book is mainly that every person has a self concept and our actions align themselves with that self concept. Therefore when trying to change a behavior in our life, will power alone won't work if the action we are trying to take is out of sync with the self concept we have of ourselves. Eventually the subconscious will realign behavior with self concept. It's almost like an honesty thing.

    In light of this, I have been imagining myself to myself as a person who takes care of my body. I am not using will power to avoid certain foods or al (at least I haven't needed to yet.) but as I go through my day I just kind of "rejoice" in the idea that I love my body, am thankful for my body and I want to take care of it. I am imagining myself as a healthy, glowing person, eating good things and being thankful for good, healthy food. All week I have been eating all meals and eating the best I can at each one. This is really good for me because in the past I was a "drink coffee till the gut rot kills you and then chips and salsa over the sink" sort of person. I would try to clean up my eating habits, but after a few days I would just fall back into the old ways because something would come up, distract my attention and (I believe) when I wasn't exercising will power I would fall back to what was consistent with my self concept. So it's a small nuance, maybe, but now instead of thinking "no more sugar, no more chips" etc. I'm just reminding myself of the person I am. I am a person who is grateful for my body and I don't put garbage into it.

    I think I saw a small victory in this the other day. I was going to walk up to the store to get a few things for dinner. I like to walk and I usually would get a little something to sip on on the way home. Sometimes alcoholic, but also sometimes pop, if I was going to a bigger store with a good natural food section, I might get a mineral water too, it just depends on the day. But walking slowly with a little something to sip on is a quiet ritual I have with myself. My house is noisy and busy and it's a time to just have some quiet space to myself, looking at people's yards, the birds, enjoying the wind, etc.

    So, this time I was going to a smaller store nearer my house and they only have pop. But I am not a person who puts garbage into my body, so what to do? I started bargaining with myself. I'll get a diet coke, but only this time. It'll be OK, just this once. It's not that I was craving Coke, it's just that I wanted my little ritual and I couldn't figure out what to do. I got a little agitated and nervous, much like the beginnings of an al thought. Then I recited to myself, "I am a person who doesn't put garbage in my body." and a calm came over me. I still didn't know what to do but I felt at peace, I think, because I was realigning myself with my new self concept. So I went to the store and I ended up being able to find some cranberry juice with out sugar and it was all fine.

    It's a mundane little story, but it was encouraging to me as I feel like the nervousness I was getting over the Coke was a sign that indeed, I AM changing my self concept and it is working. (Before I would have just grabbed the Coke without a lot of thought.) It feels like a thin wall from the new me to the old me and if I really wanted to, I could step through, but the new me IS THERE and is being formed and I'm noticing other little behavior changes that are aligning (Like chewing more slowly, drinking more water) that I didn't set out to do, but they are still coming together without effort.

    I know this doesn't seem like a huge relation to alcohol, but I think it is. For one thing, I cannot count the times I have gotten sloshed, not because I was thinking that's what I wanted, but because I felt crummy with a headache and tension simply because I ate trash all day. I think a good breakfast is my first line of defense.

    Also, for me, if I've been eating well and investing in myself all week, hopefully when al cravings do appear, I will feel more like I don't want to lose all the progress I've made. For me it's less of a leap from pop to beer than it is from feeling healthy and making progress to beer.

    Also, I see a need to insert new little rituals and habits rather than waiting for a situation to come up and then try to flounder, trying to think what to do.

    Today begins day 7. No real cravings thus far, and I think the chatter is less than the last time.

    So we carry on.

    Comment


      #17
      Just Another Personal Thread

      Hi, Gracie (and all):

      You said some things that really resonated with me. First, that change in talking to yourself. I have found that being nicer to myself is key. When you mentioned earlier that you were feeling down and regretting some things in the past, I think you can continue that behavior - not putting garbage into your body includes not putting garbage thoughts. You can't change the past, you can only work on today and the future. Stewing about what you can't change is just putting garbage into your mind when it could be working on other things. As I am sober longer (only at 79 days), I find the emotions are easier to deal with. Have I done some things I am not proud of? Of course - we're all human. But if I think of myself as a person worthy of love (as, for example, I think of my children), then I understand that I have to forgive myself and move on. Of course, for some there are some larger transgressions that might have to be dealt with in a more direct way, but that, too, can come later.) The switch in your thinking can also include things you are grateful for in being sober, giving yourself positive reinforcement.

      I guess that was a little ramble.

      Anyway - stay strong! Keep up the great work.

      Comment


        #18
        Just Another Personal Thread

        Today's Daily Motivator touched on what you're talking about here:

        Tuesday, February 18, 2014

        Face forward

        Yes, it?s interesting and somewhat instructive to know how things got the way they are. What?s far more important, though, is what you choose to do going forward.

        Pay attention to what has happened but don?t waste your precious and powerful energy becoming obsessed by it. Put that energy into moving in a positive direction.

        It?s what you can do now that really matters. As big as they might have been, the expired opportunities of yesterday are now negligible compared to the possibilities of today.

        What you can do now is connect with your most treasured dreams. What you can do now is act with passion and the highest expectations to bring those dreams to life.

        Instead of living with wistfulness, regret, or anger about the past, you can live with positive purpose toward a great and shining future. The direction you face makes all the difference in the world, so make the choice to face forward.

        This is a new moment, and with it comes the chance for a new start. Take that chance, grab that opportunity, and live your life forward in a beautiful and fulfilling way.

        ? Ralph Marston


        Read more at The Daily Motivator - Face forward

        Comment


          #19
          Just Another Personal Thread

          Day 1 ... and trying

          :new:Well, here's another attempt to find fellowship and start over another time. I welcome all of the counsel and support you can share. 64, living alone and am like everyone else. Just trying to keep going forward on the journey. Tried retiring 60 days ago, but there are only so many movies, naps, books and walks one can take before old habits creep back in slowly. Decided to go back to work, give up my favorite recreational beverage, and focus on a better life. I humbly realize that there are no quick remedies in life and no promises. But the will is there ... thoughts?

          Comment


            #20
            Just Another Personal Thread

            I'm subscribing... Your thoughts are interesting to me.

            I too am 45. I too had a very hard time getting past the 21 days... Always caved.
            I recently made 46 days then caved sadly.

            I like your idea of sticking to your plan instead of counting AF days. It kind of gives a freedom from failure. My first goal was 31 days and I made that plus a few more but I still felt guilty about drinking.
            My new goal is AF until July 1.

            I am excited to read your stuff that you have going on.

            I read here somewhere that if you just keep trying... One of these trys is going to work..
            I keep living by that.

            Comment


              #21
              Just Another Personal Thread

              Argh! Got up late today! No time to do my hypno session. I need to get some earphones so I can do it away from the computer. Even if I have to be up and doing something during, it seems better to listen to it than nothing.

              Pavati, I hear what your saying and I do agree. I am working on my thoughts as I am kind of like an abusive mother with myself. Like if I lose something my mind will automatically go "Loser! You're always losing stuff! I wonder how much time you spend looking for the stuff you lose. Blahblahblah" on and on as I'm walking around trying to find what ever I lost. THAT I'm really trying to change! If someone talked to one of my kids like that I would punch them in the face! But that's how I have (in the past) talked to myself all day long!

              But I do wonder if it's OK, sometimes, just to mourn the losses that we have because of alcohol. It's a fine line, I know, but sometimes I just feel sad! But I have a lot to be thankful for too. In spite of all my shortcomings, my kids are happy, healthy people (for the most part anyway.) living normal lives, and I still have my health.. and mind.... But there a lot of things I wish I had done differently-and not all of them about drinking. I guess that's part of reaching the 40's maybe.

              Anyway, better late than never! And I do try to talk to them about things I wish I had done differently, so I guess they get to look at both sides of the fence.

              Anyway, if anyone wants to read the Psycho-Cybernetics book with me I picked this one up as a trade paper back at Powell's for 1.95.

              His idea is that as you reprogram your self image you CAN'T HELP but become in action what you are imaging to yourself. (Over time.) Because the brain can't differentiate between actual experience and imagined experience (or maybe it's just the sub conscience that can't. Can't remember now.) when you continually image before the mind pictures of yourself in a positive, new light, the brain will use that as information in forming your self image and then as that self image becomes more distinct, your behavior.

              I find this more interesting that the simple "Power of Attraction". I do believe in the power of attraction, but not quite as the total power as some, like the Hicks people make it. I feel a lot more strength in changing myself and then as I change myself the attractions I make will shift almost automatically (at least that's my theory.) Relying on attraction alone seems like a band aid to me. Also, it seems like magic, like your trying to control other people and situations, which they may have the power to resist. I hate to waste time.

              Anyway:

              The first step in the process is to come up with an image of a new you. This new you must feel attainable to your own mind. Like I picture myself as thinner, but not like a movie star thin. Spend thirty minutes a day picturing this person. Be as detailed as you can. I picture myself eating healthy food, drinking mineral waters, being healthier, my skin looking better, thinner, but all in a realistic way of what I could look like. I picture myself in successful situations with my work and responding with confidence and cheer, and having better clothes. :P

              He suggests doing it like you were watching a movie. Actually think of yourself in a theater, watching this you.

              Don't judge. Don't evaluate, just accept. If the critic in your mind starts up with "Yeah, that will be the day!" don't argue or agree. I am beginning to be able to summon happy thoughts and the feeling of happy I get drowns him out. Just rejoice in that wonderful person you see. Let yourself feel excited, successful and happy. Let yourself believe that God loves you. (God is really important to me. Maybe not to others.) That it is possible. Not only possible, but it is real!

              Anyway, that's what I've been doing. I have been thinking and reading about some of this stuff for the past few years and I feel like I'm finally beginning to get it a little.

              You see, my mom was horribly abused by her mother. She set out to give me a better childhood than she had and she did. But her inner demons were more than she could handle and she succumbed to severe schizophrenia by my mid teens.

              It's made me very interested in how we think and how those thought processes affect what happens in our lives. I know of a few instances where success was practically handed to me and I sabotaged because of a lack of feeling worthy.

              I would be in a whole different place if I had learned how to think when I was in my 20's!

              bkyoga, don't focus on the days you caved! Focus on aalll those days you were a success! Focus on that the times are getting longer! Focus on that you are changing in you value of yourself and your attitude toward alcohol!
              Focus on the fact that you, as a person, are important and worth believing in.

              Anyway, there's my thoughts for the beginning of day 8 of my plan.

              Comment


                #22
                Just Another Personal Thread

                Gracie... Brought tears to my eyes I appreciate your words more than you know...

                Your book sounds very interesting... I have read about rewording your thoughts in your brain to help you believe in yourself. I do the same thing like calling myself a loser or even worse piece of shit. I have read that if you think about feeling that way and realizing you aren't a loser just because you lost your keys... You are a busy mom who takes care of her kids with lots on her plate..and keys don't define what an awesome person you are.. Just his I am trying to change my thoughts.
                Just like you said... Believing in myself because I am worth it... I need to treat myself how I would treat someone else... Compassion & kindness.
                I am going to look your book up.

                Keep posting...

                Comment


                  #23
                  Just Another Personal Thread

                  Beginning of day 9. I feel soooo much better. It feels good to have things to do to actually invest in my quit. I have so many quits, all over the place behind me. I quit as habitually as I start! A week here, month there, and yesterday as I was walking up to the store I was noticing some flowers in a yard and realized that it was right about this time when I started drinking again after being sober for all 2012. What a weird thing. It felt so long ago.

                  But the difference of having something I can do, to invest in is a change for me. I always felt kind of helpless. Like if you know you want to lose weight or get a degree, you have certain things you know you have to do. And I've always heard that if you have a shortcoming don't just try to quit being that way, replace it with the positive alternative. Like if you realize you are a selfish person, practice generosity, don't just try to quit being selfish.

                  But what to replace quitting al with? Sobriety is the opposite, but it's not like you have to do something to get that, except quit messing it up.

                  I feel like I have finally found a piece to that puzzle that I'm trying to put together. Visualization, meditation, nutrition, I'm INVESTING in my quit and therefor it feels more precious to me. Something to be guarded, nurtured and protected.

                  They say the best defense is a good offense. That's what I'm finally, FINALLY starting to pull together. Gah! I'm a slow learner!

                  bkyogagurl, I'm glad if I can encourage you. Of course this thread is a little self centered, but I really hope that by posting it we can figure out what will work for all of us. We spend so much time berating ourselves. If people knew what an absolute HELL it is to be trapped by al they would have a lot more compassion. There may be many that are happy as they are, but I think more would happily be free if they could only find the hope.

                  I hope you will start to notice and change that voice in your head. You are valuable. You have things to offer the world that no one else can. That is true, not just feel good piety.

                  When I first, first started out on this project in changing my thinking there was something I knew I was good at and enjoyed, but every time I would sit down to work on it the critical voice in my head would just start SCREAMING at me. "Oh, that's stupid. This is just stupid. What are you doing! Oh, that looks horrible! You should just quit. Why don't you go wash the dishes-that AT LEAST is helpful this is just DUMB!" Ugh! It was horrible! Rather than endure all that I WOULD go wash the dishes.

                  Finally, I got s frustrated I drew a picture of that voice, hung it on my wall and named him my "Inner Curmudgeon". When ever he started yelling at me I would tell him to shut up you curmudgeon!

                  That particular voice is almost completely gone now. Maybe if you have a certain mean voice in your head it might help to pull it forward, isolate it and see it for what it is.

                  The devil hates the light.

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Just Another Personal Thread

                    Hey Gracie:

                    I totally agree with your posts here. Right on! Yes..Invest in your quit....something...anything...every day.

                    I like the visualization thing--it has worked for me before. What the mind can conceive and believe?...the mind can achieve.

                    Ive gone through all that mind crap you talk about I too am getting it a bit more each day. Change?...your thinking and mindset and AF is yours to keep---TO CHERISH!

                    Im looking at all facets in my life now and am garnering up the courage to CHANGE THEM ALL. Why not?..Apple changed the phone biz...Microsoft changed computing...Amazon is changing retail...Facebook is changing social networking. Yup...change is doable and wayyyyyyyyy easier than the average "substance induced " brain can handle.

                    I think your on the right track

                    Have a great day

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Just Another Personal Thread

                      Lead, I heard once that the way you do something is the way you do anything. I think there's a lot of truth to that. I feel like I'm learning how to do something :P Once I have alcohol sufficiently behind me, I think I will be taking this to a whole plethora of goals and dreams.

                      Here are three steps, summarized (from Psycho-Cybernetics) :

                      1. Have a specific goal or target. It has to be something that you can believe is already in existence either actually or possibly.

                      I heard Jim Carey say once that he used to drive somewhere where he could see a city line, I think it was LA or maybe Hollywood. Can't remember now. But he said he felt his acting career was actually out there, even though he was broke at the moment. He felt he just had to FIND it.

                      I know there is a version of me that is a possibility, clear headed, possibly taking college courses, healthy, in control of life.

                      I have a little trouble with this one though. Obviously, my big goal is to be free from all entanglement with alcohol. That is the big thing on my plate. But I want my goal to be positive rather than negative. But, right now, I don't really want to take on something like a weight loss goal or exercise goal. I don't want to "tie" those things to my quit because if I don't see instant success with that, or get discouraged, I don't want it to feel like I also failed at my quit. If they happen I will be very happy, but I don't want to put measurable goals there.

                      So, instead I'm just holding an image of myself almost continually before myself. As I walk through the grocery store, as I make dinner, I'm holding that image. I read somewhere that the sub conscience works in images anyway. Hopefully that will be adequate, or a possible answer will appear for me to incorporate into my plan.

                      2. Do not be discouraged if the means to your goal do not appear right away. Think in terms of end results and the means will appear.

                      This, I feel has been true, though I have been floundering for so many years, now I am seeing the means come together. Maybe I wasn't ready before. I don't know.

                      3. "Do not be afraid of making mistakes, or of temporary failures. All servo-mechanisms acheive a goal by negative feedback, or by going forward, making mistakes, and immediately correcting course." (This I quoted directly.)

                      It's good, if there is a set back, to go back and see what was the cause, but don't LIVE in failure. Get up as quickly as possible and move on. Sitting and staring at a failure will only create more of it. You are learning. Get on with it.


                      4. Skill learning is done by trial and error, learning and trying different things. But once you have learned what you need to learn, intentionally focus on your succeses and forget your mistakes. Keep your success before your minds eye. If you focus on mistakes your mind will target them and take them on as a goal to repeat!

                      5. Trust your creative mechanism to work. Don't "jam" it with worry and being upset. Trust that you will change as time goes on. Have an attitude of peace and rest.

                      Ohhh, I know this is true! I swear trouble with alcohol is like being stuck in a mud pit. The more you worry and thrash around, the more you sink. Have peace and rest, focus on gratitude and good things, be cheerful, notice small happy things. Keep your mind on all you are going to achieve and all the times you were strong.

                      I have done my hypno session, posted here, now I need to go find breakfast. I have errands to run today but I hope to get in a epsom salt bath later, and some light exercise. I haven't had any real cravings thus far, the beginning of day 10. Head is getting clearer each day. Also, my appetite seems to be leveling out and not needing quite as much sleep. Thank goodness. Still taking lots of vitamins, but I still want to get that book. I'm going to Powell's today (book lovers mecca.) Maybe I'll be able to find a used copy and save a couple bucks.

                      Good day all!

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Just Another Personal Thread

                        I guess that was five steps. I don't know why I thought it was three. :P

                        Comment


                          #27
                          Just Another Personal Thread

                          Your an angel.... And I thoroughly love your posts.. They are like therapy to me.

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Just Another Personal Thread

                            GracieB
                            Wow!!! What a thought provoking thread, I love this idea of changing my thinking. When I try I find it hard to do, but can see that this offers hope of real growth. Quite exciting . DD
                            New life started on 1st May 2014, One day at a time I will work at continuing it forever!

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Just Another Personal Thread

                              DD, I have tried to change my thoughts many times too, but the way I was doing it was watching my thoughts and then trying to correct them as negative ones came up. This was exhausting and as soon as I was less than vigilant I would go back to my old habits. I think this is more successful for me because I'm starting out the day with planting the positive thoughts that I want in my head via the hypnosis recording and the book (though I've been less consistent with the book.) and the practice of changing my self concept though out the day has occupied my mind so I allow my mind to drift less and when negative thoughts come up it's easier to see them because there is more of a contrast there.

                              When ever thoughts come up like "You don't really believe this is going to work do you?" Or something like that, I give it the cold shoulder. I have to believe this. It's too important. I can't afford the luxury of indulging in the old way of thinking.



                              Yesterday I went downtown but I ended up taking a couple of my boys. I love my boys but the chatter, chatter, chatter, question, question, question! I am VERY introverted and that has been true from my childhood, it isn't an alcohol thing. I remember in grade school hiding in the bathroom because I just COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! So if I have to talk all day I get really tired. And having to explain why there's a crane on that building, why we are going to the grocery store before the book store, why I want to get actual books with words in paragraphs (not Pokemon comics) and why I don't want to buy that sparkly glitter "My Little Pony" for their sister is EXHAUSTING. Plus I had to go to places that were for my business, so I had to keep them still. They aren't naughty, they just have so much energy and so many questions! by the end of the day on days like this I would have been like "How about pizza" (out loud), but inwardly I would have been thinking "pizza and a beer. or two."

                              But I didn't. And not only that, it wasn't hard. I knew that was what I would have done, but it was more like a memory than an urge. We went to the food carts and got Chinese and ate in a park.

                              When we got home, though, I left them with their older sisters and took a walk. And dinner was late because I was too tired to start it right away.

                              But so what. I am still sober, and so glad. I feel excited, not dreading days of white knuckling. I really do think this is working.

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Just Another Personal Thread

                                Just checking in for day 12.

                                Hope everyone is doing good!

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X