Just Another Personal Thread

[gracieb]

Just Another Personal Thread

Orimus, It's not that I want to live a life unexamained, it's just that sometimes I feel like I examine every freaking little thing I do and then examine it again, feel guilt, pain, correction, on and on and then other friends I have will say the most off handed, ridiculous things ever, feel no guilt, and STILL have more friends and a more balanced life than I have... Sometimes it just gets to me.

I have a very, very introverted personality, which is part of it. I can't help but examine everything. I'm INTP on the Keirsey test, which I read is like 1/100 people in the world which explains why I've always felt like a duck out of water, plus being an artist.

Like I think we tend to associate all our addictive tendencies to this trauma or that childhood abuse. Maybe it isn't all that. Maybe it's just there's a weird wiring gone wrong that we need help with! I actually had a pretty happy childhood. I am sure I would be a confirmed alcoholic by the time I was 17. My boyfriend would always brag about how I could drink any guy under the table. He was a bit older than me and we didn't hang with light weights.

I know. this is just rambling.

[gracieb]

Just Another Personal Thread

And, to answer your question about the Kudzu, I've been taking it for a few months, but not as regularly as I should. It does help, along with the L-Glutamine, it cuts my drinking by about half. Soo... instead of a shortcase in a night, a six-pack... or maybe a little more. Helpful. But not my target.

I don't know about the other methods you are talking about but the Sinclair method is using a drug, naltrexone, to block the opiate receptors in the brain. It's about a subconscious message to the brain that alcohol will no longer give the kick it once did, and eventually it reprograms the brain to find other sources of pleasure. If that makes sense. Anyway, if your interested in a more knowledgeable, concise description, there's always Google.

[Orimus]

Just Another Personal Thread

I always loved being different but I do get how being over analytical about everything takes the joy out of everything. And then there are the people who don't seem to think twice about what they do. Did have to look up the Kiersey test. Been a while since I worked with any of those. Since school actually.

Not sure what happens but I don't have any significant traumas either. Decent childhood except that my grandfather was an alcoholic. On my father's side. Then one day it just became habit and then habit got wired in somehow as need. I really think that might be all there is to it but who knows. There really is nothing in the research, as with most psychiatric diagnoses, to say this is how it happens.

I did gloss over the wiki before responding. (google and I are very close friends.) Chantix is a medication for smoking that tries to extinguish the neuronal pathways of pleasure from nicotine. So, same idea.

The kudzu I've been taking for years and it does exactly what the research said it would. Reduce the urge to drink and works better when in conjunction with St John's Wort. Went from a 750 ml of whiskey or vodka to 2 or 3 drinks which for me actually came to about the equivalent of a six pack. Threw in meditation and exercise and I was down to increasing numbers of days where one was all I needed.

Until I missed a couple of weeks anyway. Between that an issues that arose at work . . . . Also feel like it was AL's final silo. Huh, day three technically started

[Orimus]

Just Another Personal Thread

I always loved being different but I do get how being over analytical about everything takes the joy out of everything. And then there are the people who don't seem to think twice about what they do. Did have to look up the Kiersey test. Been a while since I worked with any of those. Since school actually.

Not sure what happens but I don't have any significant traumas either. Decent childhood except that my grandfather was an alcoholic. On my father's side. Then one day it just became habit and then habit got wired in somehow as need. I really think that might be all there is to it but who knows. There really is nothing in the research, as with most psychiatric diagnoses, to say this is how it happens.

I did gloss over the wiki before responding. (google and I are very close friends.) Chantix is a medication for smoking that tries to extinguish the neuronal pathways of pleasure from nicotine. So, same idea.

The kudzu I've been taking for years and it does exactly what the research said it would. Reduce the urge to drink and works better when in conjunction with St John's Wort. Went from a 750 ml of whiskey or vodka to 2 or 3 drinks which for me actually came to about the equivalent of a six pack. Threw in meditation and exercise and I was down to increasing numbers of days where one was all I needed.

Until I missed a couple of weeks anyway. Between that an issues that arose at work . . . huh, day three technically started. Also feel like it was AL's final silo.

[gracieb]

Just Another Personal Thread

Today I am just going to pretend that I am the person I want to be.

The hard thing about the nal is that in order to achieve the cure you have to take the drug and drink. But it doesn't make me averted to alcohol (not yet) that once I start I can quit. But I really want to achieve this cure. I want to be able to not be white knuckling and afraid that I'm going to fail and get caught in the whirlwind again. But in order to achieve that I have to go into the whirlwind... Ugh!


The other side of that is that when you are not taking the nal you should do the habits you want to encourage in yourself because you want those things to take hold in your receptors in your brain as being more pleasurable-so those become the subconscious habit and the alcohol is eventually edged out.

So today I'm going to take a walk, maybe do a bit of yoga and eat healthy. And give this poor body of mine a breather.

*What you are seeking is seeking you- Rumi- I find that quote encouraging. I can't wait to get my batik T!

[gracieb]

Just Another Personal Thread

I've been on the nal for 13 days now. I still feel like it's a lot like being pregnant. I don't think I will ever be able to drink red wine again. I haven't even drank any all this time, but the thought of it makes me feel eeww. I think fish sandwiches are ruined too. Oh well, I can live with that.

I tried drinking some beer yesterday and couldn't drink it fast enough to keep a buzz going. It felt more like a chore than anything. Like well, I bought this stuff and I don't want it here tomorrow so I better drink it now... I have heard some people hit a switch really fast and others can take even over a year. I kept looking at the beer and thinking "Is this what the switch looks like?" I am afraid of getting my hopes up. I keep telling myself not to even worry about it for three months.

My spring allergies have been awful this year and taking the nal makes me feel icky too. Maybe this is the summer to just let myself feel icky and then.... freedom!

I felt so good that last month I quit, when starting this thread. Like joyful bliss! It was the best quit ever as far as how nice it felt. I felt really healthy and hopeful I want to get back to that but I feel so tired and awful right now it's hard to hope for it anytime soon. I have to remind myself that it wasn't right away that I felt that great. It took a couple weeks!

Oh, I feel like I could go forward and do anything if I have this monkey off my back. I hope I am hitting my switch. What freedom that would be, to be able to start something and not feel like it's just going to be sabotaged in a few weeks with a binge. I'm excited. But quietly excited for now. :P

[bkyogagurl]

Just Another Personal Thread

I'm excited for you.. I hope this is it for you.

Just wanted to stop in and say hi.

[gracieb]

Just Another Personal Thread

Hi BK, thanks for stopping by.

[gracyb]

Well, it's been about 6 months since I started the nal. I am not as far along as I hoped I would be by this point, but I've definitely cut my drinking by about 2/3. I'm thinking about going into a quit period and see how it goes. I don't know if my remaining drinking is more out of habit, craving, or just a mental perception of myself I can't let go of. My cravings are definitely better. Anyway, I'm going back to my original plan, but with the nal time as an underpinning. I had to re-register. Couldn't get back into my old account. So I just spelled my name a little different. But here I am, ready for another go. Day one.

[Pearls]

I couldn't figure out my old log info but it's me again.

The nal has definitely worked. I hardly ever even think about alcohol anymore. For a little while I struggled with just wanting to be able to clear out of life for a little while, even though alcohol isn't all that enjoyable anymore. At that point I started using Robert Smith's faster EFT (lots on Youtube) to clear negative memories, and it worked as well. These two things have been the key for me. I am so, so grateful. It feels like a whole other lifetime ago. There's a bottle of wine sitting on the counter downstairs and whiskey in the cupboard. I honestly have no desire at all for either. It took from last May until about a month ago, but I really feel like it's over.

[guapo]

Sweet, isn't it !