How do you deal with anger/rage?

[briseus]

Something reeeeeally pissed me off. To the point where my hands were shaking and no one understood why I was angry but I was?I REALLY WAS.
I didn't know how to deal with the situation?except bitch bitch bitch?and while bitching and complaining I realized I don't know how to deal with my anger/rage?it's not like I get violent or anything?but I went and drank to forget about the people that pissed me off or the situation that pissed me off.

I am feeling a little better now?but that voice is saying "Well, if you had a drink you could forget all about it and feel a heck of a lot better".
Of course I would forget?but I would just get mad all over again tomorrow - I know this?but right now I am just seeing red!
Now as bad as before?but I can still feel it sitting in my chest.

So how did you deal with your anger/rage in the first few days of sobriety?? Because it's only (technically) day 3 for me here!

Oh and Happy Valentine's Day. Lol.

[available]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Bris i can totally relate to that at the moment. But it is not worth drinking AT anyone and we all know AL doesnt get rid of the anger or the situation except for a brief time, then we feel anger, guilt, shame, remorse.

I am having problems with my sons and i ask them to do something and they are "tired", not that they work or anything or pay any bills. All i asked was to put petrol in my car as i have to go to the vets and dont have time but no. I just yelled at him and told him to go away. I will deal with talking to him later when i settle down and if i feel i need to apologise i will, if not i will explain why when i am calm why he should have done as i asked, even though he will not get it. Even at day 76 it is hard to express feelings.

Try and talk to the person after you have settled down, i do this after i have my "rage" but the rage i project is no where like what is bubbling inside of me.

My first few days i hid from the world and whoever was in it or just thought "i will not drink, i will not drink, i will not drink". You will be okay eventually.

Happy valentines day back but its over for us in Aus now.

God i needed that as much as you so thank you x

[briseus]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Thank you Available.
How do you deal with all these feelings now that you are 76 days sober? Do you just walk away? Meditate? I don't know, it's just so hard…
The problem is my partner and his family - they can be controlling - and think they can tell me what to do and it's so frustrating! And I feel like I can't say anything back because my partner just says that IIII am the crazy one! So that doesn't help! He tells me I am overexaggerating but I don't feel like I should do something I don't want to do but they guilt me into it!
My therapist has told me in the past that I need to take some time away from them for my own healths sake but how do you tell your significant other that?? UGH!!!
So it's a situation where I wish I could say something but at the same time, I can't!

I will not drink. I will not drink. I will not drink.
I'll just keep thinking about that pain in my side…liver? Gallbladder? I need to stay away or I will never be able to deal with any of my emotions healthily.

Thank you again.

[available]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

I think because we were always pissed that people thought they could walk all over us and we would just let them, as long as we had that glass we did not care. I now say what i have too which isnt probably logical and then i walk away and when calmed down i talk. I normally come on here and read through MWO or do something around the house. Cleaning is great when i am pissed off.

We all need our time but it is hard when we have people living with us but i go for a walk or talk to my dogs who i am sure i get more sense out of. Read a book, listen to some music and clean. I turn the music up full on and then they come and turn it down so i give them the "evils" and turn it up and clean some more.

You could write it down and show him if that helps. I dont have another half, so that is lucky haha, sometimes it is anyways.

God i so dont miss the side affects of drinking 24/7 and your emotions will settle down. Its hard living life sober when we did it so well pissed NOT.

better get ready to take my pup to the vets for her checkup after her stay in hospital. Be safe bris, you sound determined.

Go and read "you know your an alcoholic when" that will cheer you up no end.

[briseus]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Thank you Available. You are right…being hungover…feeling guilty…ashamed…depressed…anxious the next morning isn't worth it. Especially since it isn't going to magically make my problem/issue disappear.
Thank you for some ideas as to what I could do while seeing red.
This happened to me at work so I am grateful for that. Who knows what I would have done if I were at home already…

I have written things down for him…and things are okay for a little while and then go back to the same old. But I completely agree with you when you say that people probably thought they could walk all over us because we were drunk - and you're right. I didn't care! Because I just turned to the bottle! And I think my boyfriend saw that…because in the past when I tried quitting and went back to drinking he says "I knew you wouldn't stay sober"…who says that?? Sometimes it just doesn't seem like he is 110% behind me and that discourages me. But I need to realize that I am doing this for myself. Not him.
I just wish that things change…that I change. I think that I will.
But yes…having another half can be difficult! Especially when they don't listen!

Hope your puppy feels better. I have two of my own. One of the reasons I quit too was when I looked at them I realized that I haven't really been sober for either of them…and I am more fun (I think!) when I am sober.

I will check that thread out. I am sure I have some to add to it.
Thank you.

[Marylou123]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Hi Bri,

I was so angry my first week - at just about everything. It helped to divert my own attention by reading and posting, sometimes I'd just do 15-minutes of step in front of the tv and the endorphins would help. (And I've never been a fitness buff), clean and organize just about every drawer and closet in the house, put my spices in alphabetical order, etc. :H

I'm angry right now. But not about drinking or not drinking (day 24 for me) but at my partner. Like Ava said, I will not drink AT him. Before I began to cherish being AF, this would have been the ideal situation for me to pop open a chilled chard. Tonight, I'll do 30-minutes on the step, put some time in on a jigsaw puzzle I started his week (I forgot how much jigsaw puzzles can take your mind off anything! Just try finding that one piece with a smidgen of red. Ha!). And I'll probably read for a little. (Another benefit of being AF for me is that I can read more than one book at a time. Right now I'm finishing Rational Recovery, half-way through The Heart of Addiction, and for fun, just started The Invention of Wings. BTW - I was not a big reader during my drinking days - never could remember what I'd already read!)

I hope this helps - you are doing remarkably fantastic. It's okay to be angry, it's okay to say no, and it's okay to graciously decline any controlling, manipulative tactic others may want you to follow.

Have a wonderful, AF Friday - I'll be thinking about you, and Ava, and Byrdie, Lav, Pav, Poppy, and all the incredible friends I've found here.

[SKendall]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Yes, Bri. It is hard and thst is why hard won sobriety is enjoyable.

When we have a cold, cough, aches and pains we reach for relievers so we don't have to "deal with it".

When problem drinkers crave a drink we reach for relief so we avoid dealing with the issue. I believe it's a really good idea to do things that get one "out of their own head". As someone mentioned the other day, giving back and service to others is so very rewarding and selfless.

I wish you well through these difficult early days. As you continue to pile up sober days, it becomes easier and more gratifying.

Hang in there.

[Change]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

I have suffered anger issues all my life. More on how to handle it later, at work!

[spicoli0420]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Bri,

I am only on Day two and it is already very difficult and I told my girlfriend that I could be cranky, angry, or get upset very easily. I also told her that I doing this for me, my health, our future, and for a better life in general. I am shaky today, but Khudzu and Creatine have seemed to help a bit. I heard days 3 and 4 are worse. So hopefully we can be in touch since we are both in the early stages. We both have a tough fight, but I think we both know that alcohol is a poison to our lives in almost every way. I kind of realized that nothing ever good came from drinking and realized all the bad things I did on alcohol and a lot of those I don't even remember doing. So I want a clearer life and a much more rewarding life. I hope the anger gets better and your boyfriend understands how hard it is. If you are not trying supplements I would try Khudzu and the L-Glutamine. I made sure and invested in these before I started knowing I would need some help in the beginning. Hang in there and message me back about your progress because we are in the early stages. Peace Jeff

[spicoli0420]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

I am right there with you

Bri,

I am only on Day two and it is already very difficult and I told my girlfriend that I could be cranky, angry, or get upset very easily. I also told her that I doing this for me, my health, our future, and for a better life in general. I am shaky today, but Khudzu and Creatine have seemed to help a bit. I heard days 3 and 4 are worse. So hopefully we can be in touch since we are both in the early stages. We both have a tough fight, but I think we both know that alcohol is a poison to our lives in almost every way. I kind of realized that nothing ever good came from drinking and realized all the bad things I did on alcohol and a lot of those I don't even remember doing. So I want a clearer life and a much more rewarding life. I hope the anger gets better and your boyfriend understands how hard it is. If you are not trying supplements I would try Khudzu and the L-Glutamine. I made sure and invested in these before I started knowing I would need some help in the beginning. Hang in there and message me back about your progress because we are in the early stages. Peace Jeff

[Change]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Okay, im back.

Well, anger management is about having skills. The skills to cope, the skills to walk away until you can calm down, and the skills to verbalise how you're feeling in the situation, eg, "you really need to walk away right now / im feeling angry, so i need to walk away", or "you are making me feel xxx, and i need some space (we can talk about this when im feeling better as i really respect you" etc.

There is nothing wrong with asserting yourself this wy. Ifthey don't get it, then they're insensitive, disrespectful, or just plain ignorant.

Quite often, we're not taught these skills as youngsters, epecially if you come from a family with poor coping skills.

So, it really is about skills nd the ability to verbalise how you're feeling at that moment, so that no further damage is done.

If it's alc related anger, all you can do is wait for it to get out of your system and regain your 'balance'. They say that anger is related to the liver, so clean liver, more temperate outlook! But, in the meantime, even if it is al related anger, practise the skills above so that you can get a grip of yourself!

Edit: i forget to say, it sounds like you're in an emotionally or psychologically abusive relationship with the blaming and family stuff (aka bullying?). I'd take a serious look at that. I hope im not stepping outnof line, but hen you're not feeling the best about yourself, you tend to attract people who do the same. Hopefully you'll soon realise you want more as this can't be feeling good?

M

[briseus]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

I would like to get back to everyone individually so this may be a bit long?but I will *try* to keep it short?try being the operative word.

Marylou123 ~ maybe it would be best if I divert my attention by doing some exercise as well. Times like these I wish I didn't sell my boxing bag. :P Would pound the crap out of that thing!
But you and Ava are right?I shouldn't be drinking AT him..or AT anyone else for that matter?which is what I would be doing. What benefit does that do me?? I never actually looked at it like that before. Not only would these people make me angry?but I would drink thinking it was because of them for no reason?and it was my own fault?because I don't know how to cope with it any differently.
Sometimes that anger is just overwhelming?I guess it doesn't help that I am so early in my sobriety too?one day at a time, right? Oh?and I am also a book fiend lately too. Reading everything. I'm going to have to check the books out you mentioned - I do have RR. Should reread that again?

SKendall ~ thank you - I do need to begin doing things for others?I think for the first few days here until I get a week sober under my belt I am going to focus on myself. Gosh only know that I didn't pay attention to myself at all the past few years?I just did everything for everyone, did what they told me to do, and instead of dealing with it, I just drank to numb it or forget.
I applied to volunteer at the Humane Society - I will call them and see where my application is at?

Spicoli ~ Hey Jeff?I made it through day 3?I think my boyfriend is more understanding of this journey towards sobriety, compared to the past, because I brought up that maybe I should go to treatment?in the past I think we would both enable one another - or hell, I would be manipulative and have these different ways of convincing him to let me drink. He's not like me, he can put that drink down and not think a second longer about it. Not me.
I did get L-Glutamine?I have been taking that along with B-vitamins. I am studying holistic nutrition (haha! an alcoholic nutritionist) which is helping me work out my diet and vitamin approach to quitting.
It's great that your girlfriend is supporting you. Support is big. Especially when living with one another?I don't think my bf is aware how difficult it is?because he has never been through it?but at the same time I think he understand more so then he has in the past.
How did your night go and how is today going for you?? You can always PM me and we can chat since we are basically on the same page of our journey's.

Change ~ to be honest, I was never like this growing up?I never had issues with anger?or anything! Lately I have been feeling irritable, annoyed, angry?all the time?and my counsellor had said it was because of my anxiety?not being able to deal with stress and then drinking it all under the rug?so nothing is ever resolved. And since I have been doing this for so long, when I don't drink, I don't know how to properly deal with it. So I do believe it is AL-related.
What you said about the liver really made sense?but I will implement what you have suggested so that I do get a better handle on all this.
Sorry if I made it sound I am in an abusive relationship?I didn't mean for it to come across that way?again, last night I was just irritable, raging and crazy?he is quite supportive?I guess when you quit as many times as I have it sort starts sounding like the boy (girl) that cried wolf. But he really wants me to get better?and is proud for every day that I am sober. I think it's his family that is controlling/manipulative and he is having a hard time cutting ties because he feels like he owes them something?but he needs to understand that him an I are a unit now?and we don't have to do everything at their beck and call. He is very loyal?and has a hard time saying no?it was his family that upset me yesterday?and honestly when I look back I kinda freaked for 'no reason'?because at the end of the day. I am a grown woman and I can always say NO?
But still need to deal with my rage issues.
Oh and I think my way of freaking out and not being able to actually say no?stems from low-self esteem issues, which alcohol has made worse.


Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. AGAIN! You are all amazing.
I am onto day 4 now?the beginning of a long weekend?I am going to really plan this weekend out. The nights are going to be the most difficult?I think I should be fine. I will stick close. Long weekends I began drinking around noon?no wonder my weekends flew by. I was perpetually drunk?so it was a wash. So this weekend will be the first productive one in a very very long time.

Bri.

[little beagle]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Hang in there. Last time I was really angry, I had to call my daughter and talk to her for about an hour, then she had to come stay with me for the evening. But I did not drink. Also, I take my dogs for wa
ks individually when upset. They appreciate it and I cool down.
Lately, I have been trying to address issues and not let them simmer. If it goes on for too long, that's the danger zone for me.
Visiting the MWO **$###*& #* thread blows off steam occcasionally for me too.

[briseus]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Thanks Little Beagle - I am definitely going to have to check that thread out!! Very much could get rid of some steam there! Especially when I feel like I have no one to talk to.
Walking dogs is a good idea too. I have two pooches of my own. I need to figure out how to deal with it when I am in a situation such as work or not at home where I can just come on here or cuddle with the pups.
But I did okay yesterday?and I am trying not to think of what pissed me off yesterday either.

So far it is going good. It's a beautiful sunny day! Usually on weekend mornings I tried to figure out what sort of junk food to order and how much wine I was going to buy and worry about not drinking 'too too much' because I didn't want to have such a hangover that I could drink on Sunday?what a way to live.
Now I am planning my entire day, what healthy food I will make (maybe try a new recipe?). How clear headed I am going to be?maybe will make a fun mocktail?my drink of choice was wine?so something fruity and girly might be in order for tonight. Oh, and Haagan Daaz.

[little beagle]

How do you deal with anger/rage?

Sounds great. Have a good day.