I am doing a 30 Day AF, on day 17, after a particularly horrendous binge when out celebrating my birthday. Normally I'm careful how much I drink in public but I guess because it was my birthday I thought I could cut loose. I had already realized my drinking was a problem a few weeks before and was trying to cut back on my wine by myself.
I ended up blacking out for hours, fighting w/ my boyfriend to the point of getting physical with him in front of both of our friends and basically humiliating myself. None of which I remember. To make matters worse my six year old daughter came home in the middle of it. She told me the next day I was acting "dizzy". I have never been so ashamed as at that moment.
My boyfriend and I just bought a house in January and the next day he basically said things needed to change or we were done. Which I agreed with. That was not the first time I'd drank too much and started huge fights. For some reason, too much alcohol makes me angry. And he is the nicest drunk ever, he gets sweeter and funnier when he drinks to excess. I have no idea why I act that way when I drink and I'm so jealous of all these happy drunks everywhere, when everytime I drink I have to worry if I'm going to go psycho.
Anyways, after lurking around for a few weeks I ordered the CD's, the Kudzu and the Amino Supplement, went and bought the Vit B and the L-Glutamine and still need to find the All One. (GNC didn't have it?) I've participated in a few other online msg board groups but I really liked the feel of this one and I really liked Roberta Jewell's Story. She sounded so much like me. It's hard to think anythings wrong w/ your drinking, when everything else is going so well, you own a house, have a good job, long term relationship, health etc...but inside I knew it was only a matter of time before my drinking slapped me in the face.
The cravings were really bad at first but are getting better now that I've passed the half way mark. I'm hoping the CD's will help me practice moderation (I used to 3-4 glasses of wine every night by myself) and not to think so much about drinking.
Well I just wanted to say Hi and share my story. Hope to get to know a lot of you better over time.
Gita
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