Want to get out

[Take4in1977]

I have been drinking alcohol for almost six years it used to be that it would keep me active, hard working and numbed lifes pains until I got my doctorate degree. I used to only drink at night but eventually I started to have a drink here and there during the day because I felt guilty for the things I had said, done but mostly because I feel guilty about drinking. Unfortunately there is so much pressure on me that Its like a cycle of pain where I numb it with drinking only to feel horrible the next day. I work out regularly, watch what I eat but I feel like I am killing my body and losing the respect of those close to me. Just last night I said some real mean things to family and friends and now I feel real guilty and just want to drink to numb the pain. I dont have anything to talk to about it because I have been trying to keep it a secret but its getting worse. Please let me know what I should do. I stop once in a while but then I consistently torture myself mentally about things I have done or problems in my life.

[ducky]

Want to get out

Take4, have you read the book? You can download it. Maybe the supplements or topa will help. Try reading posts and you will see you are not alone. I am sure folks here will give you some great tips. I have found that after reading the book, starting the supps and logging on here each day I am doing better. We all know about the guilt you are feeling. You are not alone. Hang in there and come back every day!:welcome:

[Beaches]

Want to get out

Welcome Take and know that you are not alone. I think one of the worst parts of this battle is what we do to ourselves emotionally. People can say things to us but the emotional torture we put ourselves through is horrendous.
Keep posting, talking and I suggest you read the book. Good luck and we will be here for you. Good luck

[lushy]

Want to get out

Hi Take,

I would suggest reading the book and learning about this program and see what would work for you. Also keep coming around here for support. It can really make a difference. Welcome!!!

[Flip]

Want to get out

Welcome new friend. I can't advise you on what you should do, but you could try any or all of the following You've already taken the first and second step - you've recognised that you can't do this alone AND you've asked for help - keep going.

See your doctor
Go to a drug and alcohol program
read books - there's lots in the "recovery" section
read and participate this web site
Go to AA, Al Anon or CODA as often as you need
talk to your family - get thier support
talk to your friends - someone you know may also be in a similar position
Avoid ALL of the places you buy grog or drink
Keep a journal
Write down your short term and long term goals
Take the first step to achieving the first short term goal (pick up the phone and book that course, enrol in a class, buy what ever you need etc etc..
NEVER lose sight of where you want to be in a years time.

[Kitty]

Want to get out

Hi Take :welcome: ,

It is hard isn't it, like you said it's a vicious cycle. I have only recently tried to modify my drinking and things are much easier to cope with without the alcohol even though it might not seem that way at first.

There are no problems that drink will not make worse, so my advise is for you is to read lots of posts here, try the supplements etc. that are recomended here, and tell us your experiences when you feel ready. Try and get some alcohol free days if you can then you will be more equiped to deal with things.

Take one day at a time and try not to dwell on you past mistakes. Try and look towards the future.

This is a great place to come for for support so stick around.

I wish you well for the future,

Kitty

[Lorelei]

Want to get out

:welcome:

This website is a perfect place to talk about your problems in general. People here are very supportive and have tried varied and sundry different methods to get their drinking under control. Between all of us you should be able to find some tips that work for you. Remember to focus on cutting back first and then worry about quitting totally. My personal plan is to moderate but I feel that I need some distance between my drunk and my moderate so I'm doing stretches of AF in between attempts to moderate.

You can do this!

-Lorelei

[goingsobermum]

Want to get out

Hi T4,
Welcome to MWO, the others have given some sound advice, you now know you are not alone and I hope you keep coming back and start getting sorted.

[Rocky]

Want to get out

Welcome...

Since you want out you have taken a great step. and find yourself here. "My Way Out" Read...Post... Make a list why you want out... day by day...
You can turn the page...

[Otie]

Want to get out

...yeah, it's not the physical symptoms when you quit the drink, it's the head gives you the toughest time when there is no drink... that's why I drank,too, to numb the memories and pain... ..and to get energy to do research after long working day.

T4, you have some fab advice above. From my personal experience: journaling and talking to some helps alot. Get a good councellor/therapist. I've also found going to AA that I am not alone. I love this website, but sometimes I need face to face contact and I go to AA.

And in the worst moment, post here and you'll get replies.

Otie

:ranger

[nancy]

Want to get out

feeling bad

I think a lot of us can relate to your posts, unfortunately!

One thing you can do is be a good friend to yourself during this period. You have a problem and obviously you are facing it because you are on this website. There are a number of different roads to recovery and theories about addiction. keep trying them until one works. NEver give up and take small steps if you need to and feel good about them.

It's very hard to accept that one can do such bad things, against all personal ethics, while drunk. But that doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up for it or you are a bad person at the core.

The best thing to do is not dwell too much in the past unless you do it to learn something new and positive for the future. Having a lot of self-shame isn't going to help with moving on.

Here is an excerpt from a book called The Addictive Personality (Craig Nakken) that might help:

Addiction is part about shame. Addicts feel shame because of their addiction and becuase of how they act out.

During recovery, we realize that as pleasure centered people we felt shame and depression about our addiction, and to cover the pain, we went on drinking...

Recovery is not about shame. Shame is a judgement we place on our own being, rather than actions. recovery is about allowing us to feel guilt. In recovery, we need to learn the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt means we have committed an action that was wrong or not helpful to others or to ourseves. We can then think about and correct the offending action, regaining self respect. we can correct the mistake and be forgiven.

[retteacher]

Want to get out

Take 4: I have been where you have been. Nobody knows the extent of my drinking except this forum. This has been my biggest help. I've been here since April. I cannot drink at all, because once I start, I can't stop until I've drunk a whole bottle of white wine (my poison of choice). I use Drinktracker to keep track of my drinking or non-drinking days. I'm a visual learner & need to see the amounts in print. My goal is to be AF.

I too use alcohol to numb out only to find the feelings, problems, & issues are still there after I've sobered up. I have to relearn how to deal w/life's ups & downs. There will always be the struggles of life. Yesterday, I was completely sober after 2 full days AF. I was able to have a sane, serious conversation w/my husband about some issues that were bothering me. I could never have done that under the influence or even the day after a drinking session.

I've been concentrating on the positives of being sober & the negatives of being drunk &/or hungover.

Hope this helps.