Hi - newbie here.
I've been a drinker for 25 years, sometimes more heavily than others, but alcohol has always been a constant in my coping day-to-day.
Over the past year I've strung together some free days and even managed 14 days in succession which was huge for me. Now I'm ready to commit to taking sobriety seriously and not allow myself to get out of control. Call it maturing out of it, or simply realising the costs are greater than the gains, I've had enough and need some help to move forward.
Have been doing a whole lot of reading over the past year, 12-step orientated and various other methods for achieving and maintaining sobriety, and I've developed my own opinions on what I believe my drinking is and what it isn't.
I attended an AA meeting last night, even after reading a lot about the organisation and not feeling particularly at ease with much that I've read. I don't believe in God, but I would consider myself spiritual to a degree, so I was really hoping the group focus wouldn't be pushing the religious or Higher Power aspect. I was hoping the reports of rhetoric and one-liners e.g. "In sobriety your alcoholism is doing pushups" was a joke also. It wasn't.
The meeting I attended had really friendly people, all about 20+ years older than myself though, which made me feel slightly nervous and out of place. I know there are meetings out there with more varied age groups, I just happened to land in this one as it was close to home and not in a church.
There was a whole lot of God focussed talk initially, the room was strung with banners proclaiming steps, traditions and promises (which was a bit cultish at a glance) and then they jumped into sharing.
Each person's story was basically a romantic ode to their days of drinking (down to reminiscing how beautiful the gold beer cans or their fave glasses to imbibe from were!) followed by tales of how they hit a bottom and ended up in AA and were saved. The more they talked about drinking - the more it made me WANT to drink. It was painful in the extreme for so many reasons.
Some of these people had been attending AA for more than 40 years. I wonder, in all sincerity, who could possibly devote their life to consistently reliving traumas past and obsessing over alcohol to that degree? Perhaps it is cathartic to them? Perhaps it makes them feel less insecure and lifts weight from their shoulders? Whatever it is, I found it incredibly sad and disheartening and I do not want to be a part of that. Unfortunately AA is not for me.
I can't at all understand calling oneself an alcoholic even though nobody in the room (with the exception of myself) had picked up a drink or drug in so many years! How strange. I thought, if they say this is a disease like cancer, then why do cancer patients in remission not get up and state "I'm Jane and I've got cancer" in group? If you haven't had a drink in years, you are no longer an alcoholic. Is my reasoning on this unsound?
I found it very confusing, overwhelming in the most baffling way and ultimately depressing as hell.
So, I guess what I've gathered from my reading, my own views and the experience with this group last night is:
I in no way want to offend anyone here with my feelings and interpretations of what AA is about. I am simply stating my experience, limited as it may be. Whatever works for people is what works for them and I respect that 100%. I'm truly open to anyone in AA who is able to drop some knowledge on me that I may be misunderstanding to please respond.
I guess the main crux of my posting is to ask if anyone has any advice on alternatives to AA? I think being in touch with like-minded people who are or have struggled with what I am going through is certainly an important part of my achieving lasting sobriety. I don't many friends as I have effectively lost touch with so many people over the years, and of the few I do have, they don't have drinking problems.
Are there other groups or communities that have been helpful to anyone here? What has worked for you?
Thanks for reading
Jera
I've been a drinker for 25 years, sometimes more heavily than others, but alcohol has always been a constant in my coping day-to-day.
Over the past year I've strung together some free days and even managed 14 days in succession which was huge for me. Now I'm ready to commit to taking sobriety seriously and not allow myself to get out of control. Call it maturing out of it, or simply realising the costs are greater than the gains, I've had enough and need some help to move forward.
Have been doing a whole lot of reading over the past year, 12-step orientated and various other methods for achieving and maintaining sobriety, and I've developed my own opinions on what I believe my drinking is and what it isn't.
I attended an AA meeting last night, even after reading a lot about the organisation and not feeling particularly at ease with much that I've read. I don't believe in God, but I would consider myself spiritual to a degree, so I was really hoping the group focus wouldn't be pushing the religious or Higher Power aspect. I was hoping the reports of rhetoric and one-liners e.g. "In sobriety your alcoholism is doing pushups" was a joke also. It wasn't.
The meeting I attended had really friendly people, all about 20+ years older than myself though, which made me feel slightly nervous and out of place. I know there are meetings out there with more varied age groups, I just happened to land in this one as it was close to home and not in a church.
There was a whole lot of God focussed talk initially, the room was strung with banners proclaiming steps, traditions and promises (which was a bit cultish at a glance) and then they jumped into sharing.
Each person's story was basically a romantic ode to their days of drinking (down to reminiscing how beautiful the gold beer cans or their fave glasses to imbibe from were!) followed by tales of how they hit a bottom and ended up in AA and were saved. The more they talked about drinking - the more it made me WANT to drink. It was painful in the extreme for so many reasons.
Some of these people had been attending AA for more than 40 years. I wonder, in all sincerity, who could possibly devote their life to consistently reliving traumas past and obsessing over alcohol to that degree? Perhaps it is cathartic to them? Perhaps it makes them feel less insecure and lifts weight from their shoulders? Whatever it is, I found it incredibly sad and disheartening and I do not want to be a part of that. Unfortunately AA is not for me.
I can't at all understand calling oneself an alcoholic even though nobody in the room (with the exception of myself) had picked up a drink or drug in so many years! How strange. I thought, if they say this is a disease like cancer, then why do cancer patients in remission not get up and state "I'm Jane and I've got cancer" in group? If you haven't had a drink in years, you are no longer an alcoholic. Is my reasoning on this unsound?
I found it very confusing, overwhelming in the most baffling way and ultimately depressing as hell.
So, I guess what I've gathered from my reading, my own views and the experience with this group last night is:
- I don't believe substance abuse is a disease, part of our DNA or genetic makeup.
- I don't believe I am powerless when it comes to my substance abuse and I take full responsibility for it.I don't believe AA is the only thing that can assist me to overcome substance abuse.
I in no way want to offend anyone here with my feelings and interpretations of what AA is about. I am simply stating my experience, limited as it may be. Whatever works for people is what works for them and I respect that 100%. I'm truly open to anyone in AA who is able to drop some knowledge on me that I may be misunderstanding to please respond.
I guess the main crux of my posting is to ask if anyone has any advice on alternatives to AA? I think being in touch with like-minded people who are or have struggled with what I am going through is certainly an important part of my achieving lasting sobriety. I don't many friends as I have effectively lost touch with so many people over the years, and of the few I do have, they don't have drinking problems.
Are there other groups or communities that have been helpful to anyone here? What has worked for you?
Thanks for reading
Jera
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