Everyone has their own reason to start drinking first time. And today around 10 days of AF free I look back and see myself , my state of mind before and after I first drank.
As. Child I have been around few elders who were supposed to be "cool" in the family.they were young successful, had lots of friends, were lively full of life. And I used to think hey I want to be like them when I grow up...
I remember I felt so cool and proud when I had my first experience with Al. I was 18 then. I completely lost control of myself . This shy me ... Suddenly lost all inhibitions and became centre of party with dancing !!
College and university I was so proud to have capacity to drink. So proud to drink everyday and enjoy with friends. It was the way to have fun.
I guess my perception about Al started changing only after marriage ... When my wife used to see Al in a completely different way then me. She is a tea to-taller and and was not exposed to the "coolness" the way I was since childhood. Last 10 years of marriage i used to hate that she disliked me drinking. Infant she used to hate it more than anything else. None the less I am a strong willed person. I don't follow anything just because someone tells me. In fact I am the kind of person who will do just the opposite just to prove the point that "I am right" !! No wonder I don't follow any religious customs, no church, temple, mosque etc. I believe there is a Logical explanation to the God's ways, the "logical explanation" is so complex that it is beyond the intelligence or comprehension of us human beings. Just like it is impossible for dog to understand how car run or how plane flies. Considering myself right or correct also meant I am saying that my wave is wrong ... At least when it comes to drinking.
Early years of marriage We had lot of problems and always due to drinking, even though I used to drink only occasionally, I meant like once in a week or so. And slowly I realised I cannot drink "normally" in front of my family. Meaning I have to drink outside somewhere. I had enough time for this with so much travelling all over the world, and so much time when my was doing stuff with new Borns which in next few years to keep my wife busy and myself free for drinking out.
As I engrossed myself in work the only cool or the fun thing to do was drink in evening. First it started with few friends but then they had their own set of priorities ... Fuck it who needs friends I have AL.
Today as I introspect, I don't see any coolness in AL. What has it given me ... I fact it feels like I was offering myself to AL and not other way round. Every evening priority and thoughts , where will I be drinking etc. I NEED have drink every night. So many hotels I have checkin with dozen of pints of beers. Eat drink, watch movies. Work during day ... Come back and do the same. Then I started to enjoy travelling much more than being at home, thanks to AL.
I never made friends in last 10 years of drinking, lost or gained a huge distance from the ones which I had. My marriage is obviously not good. I have become from physical athletic person to this fat and ugly person. What happened to the coolness ?
I feel deceived by the people whom I saw who made that perception as a child. I feel cheated by the society who also things that you need AL to enjoy.
I feel so lucky to have family and wife who thank God does not drink. I don't know much contribution she has in making me realise. But now When I realise I am so glad to have a partner who does not drink. But someone who has such strong views about alcohol also make me difficult to open up and share.
"Why do you drink ?" And not until long ago I used to literally ignore her thinking "what do you know ... You don't know what u are missing !" ... Such a fool I have been.
Just feel like venting this out with you all.
AL is not good. And I hope who so ever has this misconception hope this helps.
As. Child I have been around few elders who were supposed to be "cool" in the family.they were young successful, had lots of friends, were lively full of life. And I used to think hey I want to be like them when I grow up...
I remember I felt so cool and proud when I had my first experience with Al. I was 18 then. I completely lost control of myself . This shy me ... Suddenly lost all inhibitions and became centre of party with dancing !!
College and university I was so proud to have capacity to drink. So proud to drink everyday and enjoy with friends. It was the way to have fun.
I guess my perception about Al started changing only after marriage ... When my wife used to see Al in a completely different way then me. She is a tea to-taller and and was not exposed to the "coolness" the way I was since childhood. Last 10 years of marriage i used to hate that she disliked me drinking. Infant she used to hate it more than anything else. None the less I am a strong willed person. I don't follow anything just because someone tells me. In fact I am the kind of person who will do just the opposite just to prove the point that "I am right" !! No wonder I don't follow any religious customs, no church, temple, mosque etc. I believe there is a Logical explanation to the God's ways, the "logical explanation" is so complex that it is beyond the intelligence or comprehension of us human beings. Just like it is impossible for dog to understand how car run or how plane flies. Considering myself right or correct also meant I am saying that my wave is wrong ... At least when it comes to drinking.
Early years of marriage We had lot of problems and always due to drinking, even though I used to drink only occasionally, I meant like once in a week or so. And slowly I realised I cannot drink "normally" in front of my family. Meaning I have to drink outside somewhere. I had enough time for this with so much travelling all over the world, and so much time when my was doing stuff with new Borns which in next few years to keep my wife busy and myself free for drinking out.
As I engrossed myself in work the only cool or the fun thing to do was drink in evening. First it started with few friends but then they had their own set of priorities ... Fuck it who needs friends I have AL.
Today as I introspect, I don't see any coolness in AL. What has it given me ... I fact it feels like I was offering myself to AL and not other way round. Every evening priority and thoughts , where will I be drinking etc. I NEED have drink every night. So many hotels I have checkin with dozen of pints of beers. Eat drink, watch movies. Work during day ... Come back and do the same. Then I started to enjoy travelling much more than being at home, thanks to AL.
I never made friends in last 10 years of drinking, lost or gained a huge distance from the ones which I had. My marriage is obviously not good. I have become from physical athletic person to this fat and ugly person. What happened to the coolness ?
I feel deceived by the people whom I saw who made that perception as a child. I feel cheated by the society who also things that you need AL to enjoy.
I feel so lucky to have family and wife who thank God does not drink. I don't know much contribution she has in making me realise. But now When I realise I am so glad to have a partner who does not drink. But someone who has such strong views about alcohol also make me difficult to open up and share.
"Why do you drink ?" And not until long ago I used to literally ignore her thinking "what do you know ... You don't know what u are missing !" ... Such a fool I have been.
Just feel like venting this out with you all.
AL is not good. And I hope who so ever has this misconception hope this helps.
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