From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

[lead366]

I knew about 5 years ago something was not right...but I denied it...and drank.

4 years ago I made a discreet phone call to a "Paid for expert" about my issue .....He told me I had a serious alcohol problem. I was insulted...did not listen to him...and drank....more.

1.5 years ago I got into trouble......and drank myself through it.

1 year ago I started lurking with AA, community services and the web....and drank more.

9 months ago I went to rehab...and denied their advice...and drank more.

7 months ago I lurked at this and other sites.....and drank

6 months ago I gave rehab a good try

4 months ago I relapsed...and drank a little less

3 months ago I relapsed again...and drank even less

2 months ago I relapsed again...and drank even less again

1 month ago I relapsed again...and drank the least ever.

Two quotes finally sunk into my head which lead me to 32 days stone cold sober....

Quote #1...." If you find yourself in a hole?....stop digging"

Quote #2...." You cant solve your problem with the same thinking that got you into it"

So?.....I stopped digging....and started to feel better.

I started thinking differently...and now I am feeling wayyyyyyyy better.

For all you lurkers and people who are on the fence......I understand completely....I fence sat for years...and only wound up digging a deeper hole. Then I changed my mindset. Take your time....lurk for as long as you feel right.....ask questions and read lots. The decision is yours.

[briseus]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Thanks for the post Lead. I always have quite the difficult time during the weekends and needed to read this today.
I especially liked the first quote.
So often I found myself in a hole and I didn't do anything. I just stood there for a moment or two and kept right on digging, kept drinking and drinking.
But now I know I can't keep digging, or I'll dig myself into an early grave.
So I begin the climb.
And it feels a heck of a lot better going up than it does going down.

Bri*

[Mr Vervill]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Wonderful words Lead. Thanks!

[Guitarista]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Great stuff friend.

Congratulations on 32 days AF!

G bloke.

[ToMyHealth]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Congrats on your 32 days AF!

Lead, can you go into detail about how much better you feel? I know there is the obvious (no hangovers), but what about more subtle changes.

Thanks,

TMH

[crockettaa]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Thank you Lead, I really needed to read something like that. I keep stutter-stepping, and your words make me feel like if I just stick with it I will eventually get there, even if it's not a perfect path.

That is my big problem, every time I fail I feel like it's never going to happen, why bother? But knowing that some of you have had to try several times gives me hope and a bit of courage.

[Pavati]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Lovely post, Lead, and great work on your 32 days. Great to have you here!

[lead366]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Thank you Pavati....means alot coming from you

OK--To myhealth...here is some clarification to your question;...The subtle changes ( BUT REAL ONES)...are that I sleep better and fall asleep immediately, My stomach feels settled and normal with no gas, my eyes are clear, my BP and HR are normal, my brow is smooth, I have no angst, no jitters or shakes. I eat well balanced meals, and think through things like "what to eat"...with a true caring heart. In other words....I dont reach for crap nor would I EVER EVER...eat fast food. My skin is clearer and I don't send stupid texts or make stupid phone calls which are lashed with denial type sarcasm and negativity. I feel better about ME...and I am wayyyyyy more kind, gentle, and understanding with neighbors and storekeepers ...Even If I think they are dipshits. lol. There is a sence of freedom and relief knowing I can drive anytime and I never fear a cop anymore...in other words....my inner autonomic nervous system has calmed down and I feel a subtle inner peace. I also have a large increase in optimism that was not there at 15-20 days sober...just started appearing last week. I look forward to how I will feel at around 6 months and am OK with feeling so-so until then. On the other hand....Im also confident that if I "just put a little effort in today".......I may have an AHHA moment perhaps a little sooner. Feeling wayyyyyy better about not drinking again now that I have read a gazzilion stories...where the advice is...DONT DO IT!

Im gonna listen and give sobriety a GOOD CHANCE

[j-vo]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Thank you Lead! And congratulations on 32. It took me a very long time as well, going through every method I could get my hands on. One after the other failed. Finally, I stopped digging and my thought processes are different. Yep. I agree. Now, let's keep it fresh!

[lucky 2.0]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Thank you. I enjoy your post and celebrate your success.

[ToMyHealth]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Thanks for response, Lead. Esp like fact you sleep well. I go for two week periods AF but never have gotten to point where I can sleep. One more thing, have you lost weight?

I need to pick a date and just quit.

TMH

[Honeysoup]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

I really liked you post - Thank you for sharing...I remember when I was 37 days in and felt so great....now...I'm back to feeling crappy. I hate this feeling, I just want it to end.

[lead366]

From lurker to abstainer--Heres what I did

Well Honeysoup?......The good news is you have relapsed and your INNER self hates it...thats the good thing. A slip is all it is and we all have them. So?....step #1 is to stop beating yourself up and try and get in contact with your inner self...the one who does not want this. Take a day or two to really analyze what happened and the sooner you jump back on the quicker the shame goes away. The one lesson I took away from my many relapses was--"Its no use--I give up....sobriety is truly what I want and I will go through the stages" Not drinking is simply that...and its a personal choice...perhaps it would help if you read alot of stories and try to build confidence that sobriety truly is the best decision for you and your family. Whats important to you? Also Honey...a compulsive nature is something all of us here at MWO share.....thats why in early sobriety we tend to let "the beast" talk to our brain and give in. Just as we unknowingly allow this poison to slowly develop tolerance......so must we allow time to break down tolerance...day by day....then month by month...and then year by year. Now that I have 35 solid days...Im invested in Month to month...and I am protecting my investment. Do you think my investment will show profit by August? The battle is a battle with your brain....... Just keep trying...its exactly like falling off a bike when you start...You can do this...just keep trying...thats the trick..to keep trying...and one day it sticks.

So?....... Perk up my dear---and whisk away those useless feelings of shame......and analyze why you slipped...its only a slip...if you choose that