I feel like such a failure...

[Honeysoup]

I am so sad and ashamed today. I am so mad at myself for drinking again and not remembering anything. I hate the way it makes me feel when I get up. Hungover, bloated, major anxiety, worried, wanting to puke, its just awful. I want my sobriety back and I don?t know if I can do it. I sit here all day worrying about it and hating what I am doing to my body and my depression. I just want it to stop and I need help! I wish I had someone to follow me around all day warning me not to drink. I feel like such a failure. I let my family down and I let myself down and I just want to feel good again.

[summering]

I feel like such a failure...

Hi Honeysoup ...so sory your feeling so bad ..I too feel like such a failure and disappointment to my family , but I promised myself no matter how long it takes to get there I am gonna live an AF life . You came back here today so that is being proactive and not giving up ..be proud of yourself for that .

[Honeysoup]

I feel like such a failure...

Thanks, but it is so hard to think positive when I feel like a failure. Sunday night I don't remember driving home...hit my garage and put a dent in my car...fell down the stairs and then fell down the stairs again...and my 5 year old saw me. She mentioned it in the morning and I felt like such an idiot. I also missed work yesterday, but did I learn my lesson...nope...drank again last night, got up and got sick and was late for work again. What the hell??? I am so mad at myself!! Now I am work and all I am doing it obsessing about it and feeling worse and worse. I just want to cry but I am at my desk at work...ugh

[summering]

I feel like such a failure...

This last weekend I too had to decide do I keep drinking to numb and try to forget my guilt for failing my family and allowing my daughter to witness more of my drunkenness she is 13 years old or do I feel the pain and face the guilt .. deal with sickness and end this vicious cycle . I'm ending it ... my biggest regret is not doing this when my daughter was younger . You have the chance to stop exposing your little girl to this behaviour and healing yourself .

[TJAF]

I feel like such a failure...

Honeysoup;1636722 wrote: Thanks, but it is so hard to think positive when I feel like a failure. Sunday night I don't remember driving home...hit my garage and put a dent in my car...fell down the stairs and then fell down the stairs again...and my 5 year old saw me. She mentioned it in the morning and I felt like such an idiot. I also missed work yesterday, but did I learn my lesson...nope...drank again last night, got up and got sick and was late for work again. What the hell??? I am so mad at myself!! Now I am work and all I am doing it obsessing about it and feeling worse and worse. I just want to cry but I am at my desk at work...ugh

Honeysoup. If I had a nickel every time I relapsed I'd be rich. Don't let it beat you. Work on stringing together a few days and before you know it you'll be back on track. Are you seeing your GP or other health care provider for your depression? Untreated depression makes this process so much harder. There are some great medications out there for depression but you have to ask a lot of questions and don't be shy if one isn't working for you. It can be trial and error in getting the right one prescribed but getting help is the first step. Self medication, as we all know sucks!

[poppy62]

I feel like such a failure...

Honey soup I have been where you are so many time. When my kids were 5 I knew nothing about this site I sooooooooooooooo wish i did. You can be sober you can live an af life you can be a good example to yourself , your child and to yourself. I am on day 100 here I never in a month of Sundays thought I could do it, but i have . And so can you I used to have terrible depression and I drank to cheer myself up but in truth it just made me more depressed, not just the drink but all the rubbish stuff I said and did when i was drunk. And guess what ???? now I am af I am no longer depressed !!!!!. I am sending you a very special golden key which is yours to use whenever you choose to unlock the prison that al has put you , it can also be used to unlock the door to a happy depression, guilt, shame free life. When you are ready use the key and discover what is waiting out there for you !

And rememeber what is done is done but what is to come is in your own hands doing well today is making positive memories for tomorrow !! good luck !!

[lead366]

I feel like such a failure...

I agree with Poppy...Take the key Honeysoup!!!!

[red67]

I feel like such a failure...

Honeysoup, the more days you get away from this last drunk the less self loathing you will feel. Do good things for yourself (take a nice long bath, get a message, color your hair) and do things with your daughter like watch a movie together, read a book together, cook with her, do anything but drink. The self loathing will continue as long as you drink.

I was depressed too when I drank. Alcohol is a depressant, when I stopped drinking the depression disappeared with it. Try anything you can (meetings, coming here, talking to friends) to stay distracted when the witching hour comes. It won't take long to break the mental habit. But you have to stick to it. No drinking no matter what, I say it to myself all the time even after almost 3 years sober.

Just take it one day at a time. Make a plan for today. What will you do today to make sure you won't drink?

[K9Lover]

I feel like such a failure...

Oh Honey :l I feel your pain and I completely understand.
Please don't spend today beating yourself up. Instead, spend it making a PLAN for tonight. Do whatever it takes not to drink. You can't solve anything by dwelling on the past, but you should keep it in mind as a reminder of what you don't want to be. Stick close to us...and shout out when it's witching time for you. We'll be here.
Love,
K9 :h

[Rahulthesweet]

I feel like such a failure...

Honey soup just about 20 days back I was in the same boat as you ... Now I feel so better ... You are the right place stick around and make the change ...

[Honeysoup]

I feel like such a failure...

I just don't get it...why is it that I can sit here all day at my desk and feel like crap and so much anxiety yet the closer it gets to 5:00 I am wanting to drink. That is crazy...ugh!!!

[lead366]

I feel like such a failure...

Honeysoup;1636844 wrote: I just don't get it...why is it that I can sit here all day at my desk and feel like crap and so much anxiety yet the closer it gets to 5:00 I am wanting to drink. That is crazy...ugh!!!

It works that way---You've been in withdrawal all day...feeling like crap and looking for relief...and your AL brain is working right with you trying to convince you that some booze will cure you.....if you believe that?...thats when you slowly come out of withdrawal and then enter denial. I would suggest not falling for that trick...the oldest one in the book. You are correct...this cycle is totally crazy until you cut-it-off....otherwise...its the same ---old---cycle.

[lead366]

I feel like such a failure...

and one more thing...I fell for that trick between 800-1000 times before I finally got it.

[Honeysoup]

I feel like such a failure...

I am almost scared to go home...I am afraid I am going to fail. I can feel my palms are sweaty because my body wants it...yet my stomach is still very upset...vicious cycle needs to stop...damn damn damn

[summering]

I feel like such a failure...

so sorry your feeling this way...I know the feeling well ..mine comes Friday after work and will last the weekend . But we can stay strong . I'm praying for you .