I feel like such a failure...

[frances]

I feel like such a failure...

Good for you for not giving up! Most (All?) of us have been there - we want to do this, we can do this, many have done this and are doing this...and you can too!

[Buddysmom]

I feel like such a failure...

In good company

Honeysoup, I am a serial relapser. I stay sober for months then one thing can trigger a re-lapse for me. I am once again starting over today and feel all those things you feel. My kids are grown now, but I know they have seen me in pretty bad shape, and very recently had to be helped to the car after a family re-union. So you are not alone, and don't have to be alone. That is one of the mistakes I keep making, I get sober but I don't keep up my support systems. Tonight I am going to an AA meeting. This site is helpful too, if you can't find a meeting or feel too uncomfortable to go.

[Honeysoup]

I feel like such a failure...

I hate alcohol...did it again last night. I so badly want to quit but can't seem to follow through...I want to quit then I want to drink...vicious cycle over and over every freaking morning. I am so stupid

[Marylou123]

I feel like such a failure...

Hi Honey,

How are you doing today? I hope you keep trying -- do you have some alternate beverages around? I stocked up on 'nice' bottled water (San Pellegrino for weekends LOL), good decaf and some chamomile tea (I especially like Celestial Seasonings Honey vanilla). Also, I found it helpful to have sweets nearby like hard candies (Werthers), licorice, kisses, etc.

And reading -- In addition to my MWO lifeline, I read 2-3 books a week on alcoholism, addiction, and recovery the first 30 days. That really helped to keep me focused on not drinking.

Please know above all else that myself and all the wonderful folks on MWO are here rooting for you, and here to help and support you 24/7. (If you have checked out the Nest today, please take a look at today's postings. There is a great example of a friend, Jane, reaching out to the group to help her with a tough decision. And the immediate feedback and postings to/from the group helped her -- and lots of us too.

Hang in there my friend -- it will work. It will get better. Just take it one day at a time.

[frances]

I feel like such a failure...

Keep trying Honeysoup. This happens to many. Take all of the good advice from Mary Lou and keep posting and reading on here!

[Honeysoup]

I feel like such a failure...

Hello everyone...This is all great advise and I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support. I am checking in but still struggling. I have a terrible cold but still kept drinking. This is not me, it can't be...I am too good for this disease. I know I can beat this, yet I just let it keep beating me. I want to be strong and yet I just don't care. I care so much about people around me, why can't I take care of myself...ugh.

I am so proud of all of you who are beating this day after day. Amazing people you guys are my rocks and my hero's!

[red67]

I feel like such a failure...

Honeysoup, I (we all) know what you are going thru. Can I suggest (and maybe you are doing this), go to meetings like AA or Smart Recovery, counseling and/or read as much about addiction as you can. Do something everyday to plant the seeds of recovery in your brain. It took me over 4 years to quit once I figured out/admitted I had a problem. But I really believe because I kept doing something everyday to fight this monster it finally helped me stand up to it for good when I was finally ready.

My biggest piece of advice is once you get sober days under your belt, don't ever drink again no matter what. Fight for your sobriety because it is so hard to get up and down off the wagon. Do whatever it takes to stay sober. I had some really hard times in my 1st year being sober but I knew no matter what I would not drink and it felt amazing to get thru the bad times and know I didn't cave in.

Hope you are doing better today.

[Pavati]

I feel like such a failure...

Hey, Red. Is that quit date correct? Three years sober?? AMAZING!

[Byrdlady]

I feel like such a failure...

Honeysoup,
To take Red's suggestion a step further, maybe it's time for some professional help. Get it. I tell you, getting AL OUT of my life was hard, but it was the best thing I've ever done. There is no shame in asking for help out of a hell hole. This is YOUR life, you only get this one....do whatever it takes to get and STAY sober.

I've been reading over your posts...there are a few basics, as you know. GET ALL THE AL out of your space. Set yourself up for success. Keep yourself occupied and busy. Eat....I don't think you are doing these basic steps. There are just no shortcuts to this, you have to do the foundation work. If you are going to take AB then you must TAKE the pill. Hoping to get sober is NOT a plan, you must take action. YOU must put these things in place so when the witching time comes around, you have these things in place to help YOU help YOU!

It comes down to mindset...you have to want to be sober MORE than you want to drink. If that hasn't happened yet, it will....it's just a matter of how low you want to go. I'm here to tell you, it can get pretty dam low. Pull yourself together and get sober, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. You will never regret it. Byrdie

[K9Lover]

I feel like such a failure...

Honey :l
My dear friend, listen to all the wonderful advice you've received. We KNOW what we're talking about, and we are not lying when we say you will never regret quitting drinking. Like Red, it took me YEARS to get to the point where I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I felt it coming on for a long time, but I finally had to take ACTION. Believe me, if you could HOPE your way to something, I would have done it, and Lord knows I tried. If you are going to take AB, commit to it and take it every day like you would any other medication. It can save your life! Please hang in there and keep posting, no matter what. We are here for you!
Love,
K9

[K9Lover]

I feel like such a failure...

Thinking of you Honey! :h:h

[Honeysoup]

I feel like such a failure...

I had a breakdown again last Thursday and don't remember much. Good thing is I have been sober now for 4 days (including today). I drank a lot of green tea, went to the movies, cleaned my whole house, pulled weeds. Did everything but sit in my normal chair and watch Dexter! I am finally done with 8 seasons...some of which I don't remember because I was too drunk when I watched them...so sad.

Anyway, I TTFP!!! I am still feeling foggy and really tired but at least the air has lifted some and I remember going to bed and talking to my children.

Thank you all for the support...I am going to try my best to stay put with MWO. It seems like when I think I am feeling better and get to the 30-35 day mark I stray and start drinking again. Only to end up back in the same old pattern. I am going to make that commitment to get to know all of you a little better and share my journey's as well.

[K9Lover]

I feel like such a failure...

Good job Honey! Don't worry about the future, just take each day as it comes. Doesn't it feel good to wake up and know exactly what happened the night before? I had more blackouts than I can count. I still cringe at some of the stupid sh^t I did!

You are doing great...keep it up! :h