Trying to Get Better- First time posting

[Blue Trinity]

This is my first time posting. I discovered this site last night as I was searching online for comfort for a situation that I put myself in. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Two nights ago I got so wasted that I left the bar with another person. To make matters worse, this other guy is also one of my closest high school friend's exes. I vaguely remember making out with the other person, but I don't know if I did anything more. I can't remember. A huge part of me thinks there was more done because of how my body feels...but I know I slept at home (he dropped me off). I told my boyfriend yesterday and he wants me to let it go; he forgives me and is supporting me as I make the decision to get sober. He actually told me he wants to marry me. However, he can see how much pain I am in and he wishes I could forgive myself. There is no way I feel that I can even come close to forgiving myself. I cannot understand why I did that and I do not know who the person was that made that decision.

Questions I keep asking myself: do I tell my friend? Do I try and found out if we did more than kiss? Will I be able to live with myself?

Alcoholism in the binge-drinking sense, is something that runs prevalent in my family. My parents met in AA-they have both been sober for over 30 years. My mother and father both had problems in their twenties with "blacking out" such as I have struggled with for the past 6-7 years as I have with drinking. Looking back on the past few years, any problem, any situation, and argument I have had is almost always traced back to booze. What happened on Friday is the straw that broke the camel's back.

I am 25 years old, I have been a teacher for 3 years, and I am a great listener and reliable friend. The person that made those decisions the other night is by far not who I am. The only thing I want to do is to make things better but all I feel is lost and helpless.

[NoSugar]

Trying to Get Better- First time posting

Welcome, Blue Trinity

You've come to a great place for the support you'll need. Links to the Toolbox and Newbies Nest are given below. Those are great places to start.

:welcome::welcome::welcome:

[Pavati]

Trying to Get Better- First time posting

Welcome - this is a great place to get sober.

There are a lot of us teachers here. I recognize the binge drinking as well. I can't really offer advice on the hook up, but I can say that getting sober has allowed me to see all of my relationships more clearly.

Check out the links NoSugar posted - my advice (at 105 days sober) is to read, read, read the wisdom of this site, ask questions, and follow advice of the long-timers. They really know what they're talking about.

[Marylou123]

Trying to Get Better- First time posting

Hi Blue - Welcome! You have come to the right place for support, advice, acknowledgment, and action.

Not so long ago, just a little over a month, I was in a similar situation. My drinking was affecting everything - my relationship with my husband was horrible, I felt like crap every day, suffered guilt, shame, remorse (GSR), drank at least a bottle of wine everyday, did things I couldn't remember, made and ate meals I couldn't remember, woke up with bruises I couldn't remember getting - and the list goes on.

You are in a great place to quit - if that's what you truly want to do. You have your BFs support, you've identified the issue while you're young and obviously have the smarts to look for help. Please check out the Newbies Nest as that is a great place to read and post. Also, read the posts in the Toolbox under the Monthly Abstinence thread.

IMHO I would not tell your friend, I would not try to find out if you did more than kiss with the possible exception of test for STDs/HIV if you think there's a possibility things went that far. The past is the past - not to be forgotten, but okay to forgive yourself.

I wish you great luck in your journey and I hope you stick around here. Have a wonderful day!

[FlyAway]

Trying to Get Better- First time posting

Welcome to MWO Blue Trinity. I hope you'll come back and post some more.

Alcohol is the problem, not drinking is the solution. All of the other stuff is superfluous. Would you expect a heroin addict or a crack addict to act responsibly? The only difference between alcohol and crack and heroin is that alcohol is legal and the other two are not. But because of our society, we believe that alcohol is different from "serious" drugs. Society says drinking is adult and cool and a way to relax. It's still a drug and you now have first hand experience as to how this drug can affect you.

I wouldn't bother discussing this with your friend. You know the problem, the details won't make you feel any better and might make you feel worse.

You are not lost or helpless. I would say right now, in this moment of clarity you are the opposite of lost. The truth is right in front of you. You make the choice.