I need help

[K9Lover]

I need help

How are you today SA?

[SA]

I need help

A shit night last night and a hungover shit day but I got through credibly as usual. Drinking right now to shut it all out as usual. Can't not do it right now...

[K9Lover]

I need help

Would talking about it help?

[Byrdlady]

I need help

SA,
Your post sounds very similar to my story! My drinking had increased steadily over the years, but when Hurricane Katrina hit many years back, I just couldn't seem to get the images of those poor souls out of my head. I asked my doctor for an Anti Depressant. First he gave me Lexapro, I gained weight. Then Wellbutrin, I had heart palpitations and couldn't get a deep breath, and finally, Cymbalta. I took it for 5 years. My drinking got WORSE. I guess it numbed out the bad feelings, but it also numbed out the good ones, too. I DRANK MORE to get the buzz! If I ever write a book, I'll call it Numb and Numb-er! I was a zombie! I will tell you that quitting AL will go a LONG way in helping you in every aspect of your life! Attitude, self esteem, anxiety, problem solving, weight loss, improved memory, thicker fuller hair, the list goes on and on. I thought it was impossible too, until I did it. The FEAR of it is worse than actually doing it! Don't let AL take another day of your precious life!! Get rid of all that is left in your room and vow to not buy any more!! Surround yourself with things you love to eat, and go to bed early if you have too. Park yourself on this site and read and learn as much as you can about this affliction we have. There are 2 links in my signature line below....the Newbie's Nest is a great thread for folks in ALL stages of quitting. The Tool Box is full of tips and coping skills to help you form a plan of action to find your way out. I know you can do this! Stick with us, we can help!!! Hope to see you in the Newbie's nest!! Byrdie

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

I need help

Welcome!

Hello SA. I read your introduction and I can relate to your life. I am a married woman, working in a male dominated industry, in my 40s. I travel a lot too, some internationally.

While this is YOUR way out, you need to decide if you want alcohol to dominate your life. I've been in your shoes. I have chosen my hotel accommodations based on whether the hotel offers a "free happy hour", or if they have a bar on site.... I've justified buying a big bottle of cheap merlot from the grocery store and drinking it alone, because I'm not interested in sitting and chatting with strangers at the bar- quite frankly, I just wanted the wine, not the company. (Room service is always a great option, right?!)

Yet there are other experiences I've had that you may relate to?
1. Do you every wake up and try to remember WHERE you are... once you realize what hotel, do you try to remember what TV show you were watching when you fell asleep (I did "NOT" pass out)?

2. Do you wake up and do a status check on how much wine you have left, for if it's less than X, you'll need to stop by the store and get more for tonight? Alternatively, if it was the last night in the hotel, you DID finish the bottle, right?

3. Once you are at your workplace, do you ever wonder if others can smell the alcohol on your breath? Do you think you are fooling them by drinking coffee, chewing gum?

4. On those days after you really hit the bottle... do you work in a fog, silently cursing yourself for being foggy (I am "NOT" hung over).... wondering if you are fooling those around you- perhaps blaming the food from the night before, the late flight, the hotel noise, etc?

5. Do you ever wonder if you accidentally drunk dialed home? Or worse yet, if someone from home called you, and you see that you talked for 5 minutes last night.... have you ever wondered what you talked about? And since you can't remember... what should your tone be when you call back? What if it was an emergency? What if one of your kids had a mini-meltdown, and you promised to call back? Yikes!


SA, I'm not saying these 5 things have happened to you, but they've happened to me.

The reality is you aren't kidding your husband. He knows. Your friends know, even if you've later made excuses that you think they've bought. But think of the consequences they have to face if they give you an ultimatum. What if they ask you to choose between alcohol and them? Will you meekly choose them, and then sneak alcohol? Or will you find holes in your relationships that make you turn away, and ultimately choose the bottle?

You are special to them, so they are willing to accept 1/2 of you, versus you walking out.

You deserve better. Your family and friends deserve better.... your employer doesn't want your half-baked efforts in the afternoon, but they want your true talents to shine. They didn't invest thousands of dollars to fly you around the world so that you could dive into the local flavor of merlot.

If you want to find a path out, I'm willing to listen. I'm new on this journey, too- about 1.5 months. It won't be easy. Perhaps you can "moderate" your drinking, but the first step is to go 30 days without alcohol. It will be the longest 30 days of your life, but once you take that step, then you can decide your life path.

I wish you peace. :h