Dear MOW?s,
It?s been a while. Those of you who know me, know I had a relapse.
But just to recap:
I joined MWO in October 2013 on my 3rd AF day. The feeling was good and I was reading for hours every day. I felt stronger and stronger as my AF days piled up and I discovered me again after 10 years of heavily drinking. I was happy and sure that my drinking days were over. I just could not imagine life with AL again. I was completely sure I was free.
At day 120, I walked into a liquor store and came home and drank. I posted here the day after feeling like SH*T, disappointed of myself and unable to believe that it happened with a blink of an eye. I was going through some issues at the time but nothing that made me want to drink as I knew, I was no longer drinking. It just happened. After researching about relapses, I understood. I neglected to protect my sobriety (as I saw the AL issue as done and over with. I got cocky).
So the past month had been HELL. Day 1 every other day or two and then back to drinking. Just couldn't get back on track. I had been so miserable, so unhappy and even started having ?what?s the point? kind of thoughts, which I never had. I was miserable because after 120 AF days I knew exactly what sheer happiness felt like. I loved my life (not that it was perfect but everything started to fall into place) and I loved me. A sober human being, focused and ready to take on life. True life not the one in the bottle.
I am now on day 6. You see, I was even ashamed to post and I couldn't get pass day 3. It was HELL. That just one drink, took me for a loop and I couldn't get out again. It was torture. I had to ?lock myself? in my apartment literally the whole weekend so I wouldn't drink. I made sure I had everything indoors so I will not have an excuse to go out. The cravings and the temptation were brutal.
My reason for posting is not only to share but to educate that the fall and the relapse can happen at any stage and we have to stand strong and protect our sobriety each and every day. It only takes one drink and you?re doomed.
So, today I feel good and I am starting to like myself again. I feel very vulnerable and I am very cautious about my everyday actions. Don?t want to find myself in a liquor store ever again to only wonder later? ?what happened?
Thank you for listening. I wish us all the amazing AF lives we all deserve.
With hope and love:l:h
It?s been a while. Those of you who know me, know I had a relapse.
But just to recap:
I joined MWO in October 2013 on my 3rd AF day. The feeling was good and I was reading for hours every day. I felt stronger and stronger as my AF days piled up and I discovered me again after 10 years of heavily drinking. I was happy and sure that my drinking days were over. I just could not imagine life with AL again. I was completely sure I was free.
At day 120, I walked into a liquor store and came home and drank. I posted here the day after feeling like SH*T, disappointed of myself and unable to believe that it happened with a blink of an eye. I was going through some issues at the time but nothing that made me want to drink as I knew, I was no longer drinking. It just happened. After researching about relapses, I understood. I neglected to protect my sobriety (as I saw the AL issue as done and over with. I got cocky).
So the past month had been HELL. Day 1 every other day or two and then back to drinking. Just couldn't get back on track. I had been so miserable, so unhappy and even started having ?what?s the point? kind of thoughts, which I never had. I was miserable because after 120 AF days I knew exactly what sheer happiness felt like. I loved my life (not that it was perfect but everything started to fall into place) and I loved me. A sober human being, focused and ready to take on life. True life not the one in the bottle.
I am now on day 6. You see, I was even ashamed to post and I couldn't get pass day 3. It was HELL. That just one drink, took me for a loop and I couldn't get out again. It was torture. I had to ?lock myself? in my apartment literally the whole weekend so I wouldn't drink. I made sure I had everything indoors so I will not have an excuse to go out. The cravings and the temptation were brutal.
My reason for posting is not only to share but to educate that the fall and the relapse can happen at any stage and we have to stand strong and protect our sobriety each and every day. It only takes one drink and you?re doomed.
So, today I feel good and I am starting to like myself again. I feel very vulnerable and I am very cautious about my everyday actions. Don?t want to find myself in a liquor store ever again to only wonder later? ?what happened?
Thank you for listening. I wish us all the amazing AF lives we all deserve.
With hope and love:l:h
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