Following in My Father's Foot Steps

[Icanwithoutacan]

Following in My Father's Foot Steps

I want to have a reunion NS and free!!!! Lol

Hi tatahi!
I can relate to your story as I didn't have a bottom and hid everything so well no one ever suspected a problem... I found the first month hard .... And I am honestly struggling a little right now but I'm at 108 days which is my longest and I don't want to go back.... I was like you counting the seconds until first drink in evening and waking up in a sweat, panicked guilty and anxious at 3 only to do it all again... Good luck we will be here.

[Pinecone]

Following in My Father's Foot Steps

NoSugar;1643428 wrote: Hey, Free and Pinecone - this feels like a mini - reunion! :l:l

Haha that was my thought too!

Tatahi, how are you doing today?

[free at last]

Following in My Father's Foot Steps

Hi Tatahi, you can tell that we become friends on this site and are really there for one another.

We are here to support you in this journey to lead a better life. One your heart is telling you to pursue.

And yes, Pinecone, NS, and ICan -- it was wonderful to end up on this same thread. Guess we'll be Tatahi fans so we can stay in touch as well.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Following in My Father's Foot Steps

Welcome Taya!

I first found this web site a couple of years ago, stayed for about 4 months- found myself "addicted" so to speak of being on here versus living in the "now" with my family.... drifted away, told myself I could "moderate", and like you, I pretended to have a normal relationship with alcohol.

Well, I'm back, this time, with a strong conviction that I must change- and I'm proud to say that I haven't drank since early February. When I was growing up, my dad never had a relationship with alcohol, but my mom did.... I remember being 17 years old and getting suddenly woken up by my dad at 3 in the morning with a question: "How much did your mother drink last night?" You see, my dad would go to bed at 10 pm and my mom was a "night owl"- would stay up and drink her hidden cocktails and watch the Tonight Show, Night Line, and then maybe "Baretta".

On that night, after my mom went to bed, she woke up to use the bathroom and rather than taking a left to return to her bedroom, she took a right and fell down the flight of 8 steps.

Onto the marble floor.

My dad heard her fall, and found my mom with two broken wrists, a broken nose, a broken jaw, a screwed up knee cap.... we called 9-1-1. When my mom got to the hospital, they tested her BAC and she was at a .23- so while she was in severe pain, they could not give her any drugs until she dried out. Horrific to see my mom like that- remember, I was only 17.

With two broken wrists, she was literally crippled, and could not drink. As an impressionable young lady, I vowed "I would never be like her"...

Guess what, Taya, I grew up to be just like her. The difference is that I didn't literally fall down the proverbial stairs, but in some ways, I was worse. You see, I thought my kids didn't notice my drinking, and they did. Read my other posts to see my life journey.

The first day to go alcohol free is physically hard to do- the physical withdrawals can be intense- you may be short tempered, your mind may race with a million reasons why you are "over reacting".... and this little temptress called Pinot Noir may quietly tap you on the shoulder and tell you to "just have a little glass to take the edge off".

Knowledge is power. If you know this is normal, you can combat it- prepare for it... buy a special drink, like a new tea, or sparkling water and cranberry juice with a twist of lime- so that when you get this feeling, you fill your drinking hand with a healthy alternative.

You come on here. You journal, you read, you cry. You post. You decide.

I found a website for women about sobriety and they advocate doing a journal. Whether you are religious or not, journaling your reasons why YOU want to change YOU can help you decide what your next day will hold.

Taya, tell yourself that you CAN drink tomorrow- just not today. Bargain with yourself that you need 30 days to decide whether you will quit drinking all together, or if you will decide to try to moderate. But for today, you will stop.

The money is in the morning! When you wake up, and that hazy feeling you mention.... where you are half-assing it through the morning... when you wake up and THAT feeling isn't there --> WOW! :h

It's not all sunny days and roses. Remember, even roses are grown in manure, and there is weeding to be done and thorns to avoid. But the beauty is when you KNOW that YOU are truly there for your children.... when YOUR children don't have to think, like I did, "I will never be like her."

:hug: Patty

[Icanwithoutacan]

Following in My Father's Foot Steps

What a phenomenal post NHHHL!

[Margaret345]

Following in My Father's Foot Steps

Tatahi5;1643440 wrote: ....I am just so scared that the reality of my last 20 years will be my reality for the next. #needahug

This is the thought that hit me like a ton of bricks today. I am right there with you girl.

[Pavati]

Following in My Father's Foot Steps

Wow, NHHL! What I concur - a lovely post.

How are you doing, Tahati? Margaret? You have come to a great place to get sober. The part about knowing you will have to endure some hardship to make it through is true. NHHL hit the nail on the head. Hope you are both ok.

Pav

[free at last]

Following in My Father's Foot Steps

Tatahi, how are you doing today? Would love an update and hope you will join those of us pursuing a better way of living, in the moment. Sending thoughts of strength.