Determined

[Kailey]

Determined

Argh! I've just had a drink after arriving home from work. Thought I was breezing easily through Day 4 but completely lost my focus when I saw my husband with a drink in his hand. I won't pour a second and will join you all tomorrow. I'll spend the rest of the evening trying to figure out how to not get derailed when he drinks. I am out of town a lot next week so that will help, but I need to get to next week AF.

Looking forward to a great bunch to get through these early days with...DD, SS, FF, Gardener, Gloria..anyone else?

[lead366]

Determined

Those early days......GHEEZE......whatta bummer guys...... it takes a few tries until it clicks...and then it really does get traction......the key is to just keep hopping on..EXACTLY like your first bike. Dont fret...dont beat yourself up...does no good and you dont deserve it. Glad your back here

[Gardener]

Determined

That's the hardest part for me too Kailey, my husband can drink one or two beers and he's done. Keep trying!

DD, hope you are doing well today.

[Kailey]

Determined

Thanks, Gardener. Unfortunately, my husband needs to stop as much as I do. I asked him to not drink tonight and he isn't. That was enough to have me sailing happy through (another!) day 1!

[free at last]

Determined

Hi DD, so glad to see you back here. I was reading through my "on being joyfully AF' thread and saw a post by you. Your heart is searching for a better life -- sending you thoughts of strength.

Glad to see Gardner, SS, and others making this journey together.

[glorialagos]

Determined

Hope you all are doing well! I am enjoying these AF days - very, very much. I certainly hope this is the beginning of the beginning! (if it's the beginning of the end - the end would be drinking).

Has anyone tried self hypnosis or meditating? I am interested in both.

[paulywogg]

Determined

How are you DD?

[Darkest Diamond]

Determined

Well the last week has been really horrible, especially right now, it's four in the morning and I feel so low it is hard to put it into words . I went on a real bender at the weekend and I have work tomorrow (in a few hours) I never want to forget how I feel right now as I feel so low, so alcohol dependent, so guilty for wasting my life, so useless. I know that I can get over this ..... it is going to be really hard but I never want to feel like this again .

[scottish lass]

Determined

DD - stopped on here by accident - I am sorry you feel so bad, but maybe it is enough to get you to where you want to be?
Is there anything we can do for you just now??
Maybe time to stop the beat up, and get a solid plan for the next one or two days? You say you can do this, the only person you need to prove this to is yourself - so do it! OK???
Just work out that you never need to feel as bad as you are just now, never again....its all in your hands...:l

[Pavati]

Determined

DD - Come back, post, read, post, read, read, read. Get some fluids into you, rest, eat well. You can do this. Remember this feeling - write it down, exactly how you feel, what happened, etc.. When you want to drink come here, read that post again and again. You can do this!

[Darkest Diamond]

Determined

Disgusted with myself the last two years have been horrendous except for a few weeks here and there.

[Darkest Diamond]

Determined

Feel physically sick and sick to my soul

[scottish lass]

Determined

I think there are so many people who feel similar - stop looking back, look forward - decide to change and love yourself. It has taken me four years once I knew I had to change to do it, and I am only now realising that I maybe on the right track....it is not easy, but you know what you want - go get it DD!!!

[Darkest Diamond]

Determined

I wish I had never touched alcohol ever.
I am glad that I am going to work today as although I feel ill it will take my mind off all of this darkness I think I might go and stay with my family for a while as I feel full of fear

[Darkest Diamond]

Determined

sl thank you for what you said.