Hey everyone?I haven't posted too often, but I am on here pretty much every day?reading everyones posts and check in on the Newbies Nest Rollcall.
I am on day 53..and I am an explosive ball of emotions. These past few weeks have been particularly difficult. My counsellor is wondering if I am depressed?I was never depressed really before drinking?and I thought I was depressed during drinking - so why would I still feel depressed? Wait?it's not like I can't get out of bed or anything, I do look forward to every day. But there are just some days where I find it particularly difficult to cope with the way that I am feeling. I have my anxiety - but I am doing okay with that?it's just irritability still?and anger that I am dealing with.
I don't know why I get so easily angered with people?to be quite honest, I think I am projecting. I am still mad at myself for some reason. Well?not some reason?there are several reasons. I just don't know how to tackle these emotions and deal with them. I am keeping busy and doing everything I can to get better and stick with sobriety - there are days where I want to drink to numb these feelings.
I do, in a way, understand how people can get overwhelmed after quitting drinking.
I thought that things were going to be so much better - I mean, they are?but not without it's difficulties?which is life?I have to remember that. This is life?meant to be experienced this way. I guess I was just too numb for too long.
I also lost a few friends since I got sober?this hurts?I found out a friend never told me she was pregnant, and she was my best friend! She had moved away?and had a baby - and never told me. :/
This is just a few things among other things?I am also aware of the ugly in this world more so?and it's sad?I know that we should look at the beauty, but sometimes it's hard.
I am just sick of the hatred among people, the indifference, the abuse?
I am just being a bit sensitive I know?
But I just really needed to vent here. Because right now I am feeling alone. People think I'm not an alcoholic, but I know I am and this other way of thinking is dangerous.
This post isn't meant to come across as sobriety being "worse", because my God, it's better than being drunk every day. I am just in the early stages of it. I couldn't be more grateful that I have been given this chance. Seriously a chance at a second, more fulfilled, happier life. I am happy - I am just having difficulties with my feelings.
And I just wanted to come here and rant?I am just feeling lonely.
Maybe I shouldn't have posted this in "just starting out" but newbies need to know, that sobriety really is a great thing, and it comes with good and bad. That's life.
And it's better than not having a life, while actively drunk.
Bri.
PS. I previewed my post before posting this?wow. 53 days?I remember reading posts in the past when people were this far along?I alway sat there and wondered, "why can't that be me?"
Well, it happened. It can be me. And it can be you too.
I am on day 53..and I am an explosive ball of emotions. These past few weeks have been particularly difficult. My counsellor is wondering if I am depressed?I was never depressed really before drinking?and I thought I was depressed during drinking - so why would I still feel depressed? Wait?it's not like I can't get out of bed or anything, I do look forward to every day. But there are just some days where I find it particularly difficult to cope with the way that I am feeling. I have my anxiety - but I am doing okay with that?it's just irritability still?and anger that I am dealing with.
I don't know why I get so easily angered with people?to be quite honest, I think I am projecting. I am still mad at myself for some reason. Well?not some reason?there are several reasons. I just don't know how to tackle these emotions and deal with them. I am keeping busy and doing everything I can to get better and stick with sobriety - there are days where I want to drink to numb these feelings.
I do, in a way, understand how people can get overwhelmed after quitting drinking.
I thought that things were going to be so much better - I mean, they are?but not without it's difficulties?which is life?I have to remember that. This is life?meant to be experienced this way. I guess I was just too numb for too long.
I also lost a few friends since I got sober?this hurts?I found out a friend never told me she was pregnant, and she was my best friend! She had moved away?and had a baby - and never told me. :/
This is just a few things among other things?I am also aware of the ugly in this world more so?and it's sad?I know that we should look at the beauty, but sometimes it's hard.
I am just sick of the hatred among people, the indifference, the abuse?
I am just being a bit sensitive I know?
But I just really needed to vent here. Because right now I am feeling alone. People think I'm not an alcoholic, but I know I am and this other way of thinking is dangerous.
This post isn't meant to come across as sobriety being "worse", because my God, it's better than being drunk every day. I am just in the early stages of it. I couldn't be more grateful that I have been given this chance. Seriously a chance at a second, more fulfilled, happier life. I am happy - I am just having difficulties with my feelings.
And I just wanted to come here and rant?I am just feeling lonely.
Maybe I shouldn't have posted this in "just starting out" but newbies need to know, that sobriety really is a great thing, and it comes with good and bad. That's life.
And it's better than not having a life, while actively drunk.
Bri.
PS. I previewed my post before posting this?wow. 53 days?I remember reading posts in the past when people were this far along?I alway sat there and wondered, "why can't that be me?"
Well, it happened. It can be me. And it can be you too.
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