WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

[Cocoflo]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

NH great post!! I read it yesterday, my day 1. Your story could be mine! Thank you so much.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

available;1648588 wrote: Its not easy but it wasn't easy drinking every damn day either.

Well said, Ava! The positive change in my children over the last 2 months has been worth ever sober thought!
:heartbeat: Patty

:welcome: to all of you.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

As this Sunday winds down~ if you are new here, please take your time to read through our true confessions, our successes and failures, our fears and our joys. There is normally someone on line that will respond to your posts.


Patty

[Judestir]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

Great post! I saw myself through your whole weekend. So as one of the many lurkers here, I thought I would just say Hello. Hellooooo! Day one for me (again) and feeling good. :thanks: for your post, Jude

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Well, this Sunday is much happier than "that Sunday" when I first found My Way Out.

I would like to tell you about my Uncle and his journey. My Uncle was a young drummer with a wife and family and on the weekends, he played in a band behind big country stars. One Sunday morning, he found himself in jail, without any true recollection of what happened. His wife went into the jail and told him, before she would pay the bond money: "This is it. Alcohol or us." He threw the bottle down and changed his life around.

Because of his battles with drugs and alcohol, when he retired from his "real job", he went back to school for drug and alcohol counseling. For the last 25 years, he coached people as they struggled with addiction. My uncle could truly relate to what we are going through- the hidden treasure chest that we all own, filled with broken promises and half truths. And while he is wise about this disease, he also has said that his snap decision to stop drinking and to choose his family- that is, indeed, rare.

My Uncle told me that most of us take 5 - 7 years from the moment the thought creeps into our minds, "Hey! I might have a problem!"... until we try to moderate our drinking... and if/when that fails, THEN we think: "Maybe I should stop drinking?" The internal struggle does take years, and in the meantime, we make many poor choices.

Our "AHA" moments are all different, but if I compare the Sunday morning that I eluded to on my first post, to the Sunday morning I'm experiencing right now:

Last night, I watched a movie and ate popcorn- no booze. I woke up this morning at 7:30 am, sober and in full control of my bodily functions. In the last two hours, I've started homemade baked beans (they will be ready for dinner), I've started cooking chicken for my homemade dog food (I'm willing to share the recipe!! ), I've cleaned the kitchen, made a second pot of coffee, and now, I'm popping on here to check in with my MWO friends. My husband is also sober and is outside helping our son work on his pickup truck.

My husband is grudgingly participating in this alcohol free lifestyle, but the important thing is that he is sober too. I am hoping that as we have more time together being sober that he will see that this is the best choice for our family. Yes, I have hope. :dancin:

No matter where you are in your journey- please know, there is hope. :heartbeat:
Patty

[SoberSoul]

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Your original post left me reeling with remembrance, grief and hope. That surge of satisfaction and quiet glee one feels when our hubby makes the decision for us to drink; uncorks the bottle and pours two glasses or opens the two beers is so sad and pathetic. It's just us wanting to be innocent victims of our disease and not the hero of our own life story. You are now the hero of your story.

So am I.

xoxo

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

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Over 2000 people found this page tonight... another quiet Sunday. I'm blessed that I'm still sober, and all of my children are home, visiting. It is a peaceful feeling to know that I'm off the crazy train, and I've no temptation to hop back on.

Welcome, to those of you that are here, looking for a way off the crazy train. You will know when it's time. Anyone can give you advice, or give you ultimatums that "enough is enough!". You can see a doctor for a prescription that may slow down your racing thoughts. But you must look deep inside for YOUR way out. :l

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

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Protecting My Quit.

There were 5 times in my life when I was Alcohol Free for this long: when I was pregnant with my 4 children, and when I served in Southeast Asia.

I understand the internal strife that some of you are experiencing right now. Horrific nights that started so innocently with a beer but ends in.... memory lapses, infidelities, hangovers. It sucks.

The conflict: Deep down, you KNOW you have to make a change, but then, if you make a change, it's admitting to yourself that you were behaving horribly? For me, the internal struggle to do what I knew I had to versus what I wanted to do... that internal conflict that no one but me even knew existed... Well, THAT was the hardest, first step. Admitting it to me.

There's a thread on here about "The secret to quitting", and it contains no-nonsense advice. To some, it may seem heartless, kind of like telling someone who is severely overweight to quit eating the junk food! You may read it and laugh, or think people are heartless and refill your glass as you lurk and read other posts. It's not as simple as we pretend it is when we say "don't farking drink!". :h

But there will come a time, when you look in the mirror and see yourself. You see the tired red puffy eyes. You see the broken blood vessels on your face. You notice the beer gut and come to the realization that you aren't fooling anyone.

I saw a casual friend that hasn't seen me since January and since I was a closet drinker, I'm now a closet recoverer, ha ha. (People that are truly close to me know I've stopped drinking.) After a couple of minutes he said, "something seems different about you".... I played the guessing game with him (my hair style? lost weight?)... he said, "No, I can't put my finger on it, but you seem a lot happier than the last time I saw you. You've changed, and it looks good on you!".

So, in retrospect, I wasn't fooling any one. People knew, but didn't want to confront me that I was a hungover co-worker... that I was living in a fog. People knew.

Hugs if you are new here. One step at a time, for now.
When you get farther down the path, then you can Protect Your Quit. That thought today may be overwhelming, but know that it can happen for you too.

Patty

[daisy45]

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Hey Patty, just read through this whole thread - love it! What a reassuring 'voice' you have for anyone new who happens to come across this thread......can a thread go in the toolbox? I don't know....
But well done you.....hope to hear more.....you got skills lady!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

It's a week later... 2300 people stumbled onto this website today- I like to see the statistics because it reaffirms to me that, in fact, I'm not as unique as I thought I was.

In life, it is funny how unique we feel our personal problems are... "NO ONE" can understand, and yet, when we've learned the life lesson and our brains have grown smarter, we realize that, in retrospect, our problems weren't as uniquely unique as we thought.

Today I was looking at some camping photos on FB. I'm part of a larger family and it's been a family tradition to go camping on US Holidays. Last summer, I heard a sad story about my 28 year old niece getting ripped roaring drunk... chugging from the bottle, being obnoxious about religion, arguing for the sake of arguing... throwing her shoes at people... not remembering- and sigh, that could have been me 15 years ago.

Same lesson, different person, different year. Not so uniquely unique.

Lather, rinse repeat.

I'm still Alcohol Free. For the last 5 months, I've broken the cycle. I take the time to read others posts here, and to reach out when I can, because there are some wise words here... IF you want to absorb them.

Hugs to you newcomers. Please join... you'll find a community of tough lovers here... but the focus is on love. This is truly a community where we want you to get better. :l

You are not alone. :groupluv:

[momofthree]

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This is a truly wonderful thread, thank you for posting this.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

When I started back at MWO a couple of years ago, I was (admittedly) not sure where my alcohol commitment was going to land: Alcohol Free, Moderating, or ??? Well, since I was open to drinking or not drinking, I chose to "moderate". In retrospect, I realize that I was not really committed to being alcohol free- the thought terrified me of NEVER drinking again.

This February, I was emotionally ready to quit drinking. If you read my history, you'll see that I wrote about my young niece and her struggle with alcohol (checked into a hospital with a BAC of .32%). I sat with my dying father and I listened to my older brother say that "if" his daughter needed him to quit drinking, then he would.

Not to criticize my brother, because we share the same DNA, and I totally understand his half-hearted commitment to sobriety but "IF".... such a small world that holds so much power over our heart strings:

"IF" I only drink beer, I'm fine.

"IF" I only drink on Friday nights, I can keep control my drinking.

"IF" I stop drinking after 2 beers, then I will remember tomorrow.

"IF"..... fill in your blank.

Today I was baking banana bread, and it called for vanilla- well, my vanilla was made with vanilla beans and vodka by my college age daughter, and it was almost empty. I decided to refill it with ordinary vodka, and I got to thinking that in my not-so-distant past, this would have been a great opportunity for me to quietly "fix a Sunday cocktail". I was alone in the kitchen on a Sunday afternoon- why not? :banana:

I admitted to myself in February that my "off switch" is broken.

I can tell you today that my "temptation switch" is under control.
It is with great relief that I can tell you that I did not partake in a little vodka/diet coke mixture.
I simply made more vanilla.

At some point in our lives, we have to stand tall, make the hard choice, and then have the courage to stand behind our decision. Staying the course, no matter if it's our commitment to our family, our diet, our exercise program, our sobriety.... especially at the beginning of changing our behavior, we have to remember why we are staying the course.

We have to Protect Our Quit. :l

:welcome:

Patty

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

Protecting my Quit

When I first started this thread, it was to share my experience with the new comers- and in my mind, Sunday night is the night when I would reflect back upon my week and decide I was going to make "big changes on Monday morning". I would bargain with myself about what I would (or would not) drink during the next week. And since I didn't post it anywhere and it was simply a passing thought, the true level of accountability was nil.

Tonight I post so that I keep my accountability front and center, in front of my MWO friends and family.

My father passed away in March and it was during his final weeks on Earth that I started looking at me. It's been about six months, and we are now in the process of selling his worldly goods and closing out his email accounts. I asked my brother to let me go through my Dad's emails, and last Sunday, I spent most of the evening hearing his voice.

I posted about it earlier in the week, but for what it's worth.... back in 2006, my Mom's health started to suffer. She was always a drinker. I was 17 years old when she fell down the stairs in our family home and broke both of her wrists, her nose, her jaw, and hiccup'ed her knee... with a BAC of .23 when she was admitted into the hospital. They had to let her dry out before they would give her pain medicine. She recovered and quietly returned to her old drinking ways. Mom always had low blood pressure and started to have mini-strokes. "We" thought it was simply old age, but realized when she was admitted into the hospital and away from her nest, she was truly a master of being a closet drinker.

She had a big closet.

She had a collection of pickle jars that she would hide around the house, so that my dad wouldn't know how much she drank. We figured out her system while she was in the hospital: when she would come home with her 1.75 jug of vodka, she would stay in the garage and portion out her vodka stash into the pickle jars. Then, she would leave the empty bottle in her car trunk, and throw it out when she left the next time. She would hide her pickle jars around the house, like a drunk Easter Bunny doing a crazy scavenger hunt. Some of the places were easy to find, like behind the curtains in the family room, but as the years went on, her hiding spots were more crafty: in the sewing machine cabinet, underneath the sleeper couch, behind the toilet paper in the bathroom closet. Random spots.

My dad found the new spots and scolded my mom. He was fearful that her alcoholism would not be covered by their insurance, so he never told the doctors until 2011, towards the end of her life.

However, when he wrote this passage to his brother, my mom had returned home to an alcohol free home, and since she couldn't yet drive, the house stayed clean. He said:

Connie continues to get stronger each day. Others are mentioning how good she looks. The difference is remarkable. I worry now that she won't go to meetings and accept the help they offer. Wish she would have watched Oprah with me the other day.

They made it so clear that alcoholism is a BRAIN disease and almost impossible for one to defeat by themselves. It is persistent with its patience and strikes back when a person thinks they have defeated it and are feeling so well and good about themselves.

I'm very grateful that I spied into my Dad's private thoughts, because you see, I'm at a point where I think I can moderate again. Yet there is my Dad, on the sideline, quietly rooting for his wife to stay away from alcohol. And as I hear his voice saying that alcohol is persistent with its patience... he is right. My mind has been playing tricks with me, telling me that "just Fridays", or "Labor Day Weekend".... as if it's a reward to be drunk again.

Sigh.

The other reality that my Dad's thoughts brought front and center is that my children, my husband, my sister... they are on the sidelines and IF I chose to drink again, it WILL undermine my relationships with them.

I must Protect my Quit. :h

[Matt M.]

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I am so glad I stumbled ( divine intervention) on to the mwo site today and fortunately right to this thread. At 43 I have tried every "IF" scenario as you so accurately put them, AA, self help etc,etc,etc. Over the last 10 years I have managed af living of 6 months, an 8 month stint, and even a 10 month, with of course many smaller periods in between. I always seem to go back to the" only on Sunday, only after 5, never more than 3,4,7 etc. Only to fail miserably. I am 6 days af this time, I found this site this morning, landed on your thread, joined and have reading newbie nest and tool box stuff all day.
Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and your family stories it really hit close to home with me

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

WELCOME to the Window Shoppers!

Welcome to MWO, Matt. Feel free to post in the newbie nest, or to create your own thread like I did. I am more accountable by sharing my story on here, versus posting it on a long string where sometimes your story can get lost.

:l Patty