desperate

[chenmn1]

:new: Good morning all,
This is my first time using this site so I'm still learning. The reason I use this site because I actually can read all the real information from members that actually take alcohol and able to recovered from it. I wanted to applause everyone and I envy everyone. Here is my real life situation: I'm not an alcohol drinker, never been and not at all. IT IS my spouse whom is an alcohol drinker for many years. I've been married to him for 15 yrs and I'm so exhausted with the battling and arguing every day. I've been through hell 3 times with his DUI, and car accident, jail time and many others. I've prayed every day for the last 10 years to find a cure for my spouse and for me and the kids. I've tried everything, but I fell because I'm a LOSER. The reason I called myself a LOSER because to this day I still can't help resolve this problem and I am still marry to him but my time is running low. I'm desperate and I needed to hear and see the truth from all other drinkers and hear their confession and their will to try to be sober. I thought if I do this I can try to help my spouse and talk to him in a different aspect instead of getting angry and upset. I'm in so much pain mentally and feeling so desperate to save my family, but I don't know if I can do it anymore. The thing that I couldn't understand is why does GOD arrange a trail for me for this long. I have never been a drinker, not even occasional drinking. I don't have a problem with people that have a few drinks. Please help me, and give me advice and help me understand why??? :upset:

[bon vivant]

desperate

Hi chenmn1,

I am so sorry, I was in your place once for many years. My 1st husband was an alcoholic for the 1st ten years and then replaced alcohol with narcotics. You will find that the best thing you can do is become aware of your own co-dependency and to seek help for yourself. You and your kids are suffering and it is hell living in such a dysfunctional state.

For many years, I tried to be the fixer and fix our mess of a home. It changed me very much. I then faced a time when I began to drink to numb my own pain. That was horrible, because my depression overwhelmed me and I drank alone and in secret. I was hiding from all of the pain in life.

My two teens, saw the problem and becamed focused on getting me to face up to the fact that I was not able to change someone who could not help himself. Today, he is finally AF and functioning much better without me. I know that he still abuses pain meds, but it is not for me to stress over and worry the rest of my life. We still have love for each other, but know we are not able to be together. We grew up together and faced many things, but it was better for us both to live separate lives.

You have to make the decision that you are not responsible for his drinking problem. For people with codependency, individual counseling can teach assertiveness, listening, and communication. Counseling can help you become more aware of non-helpful actions/behaviors, and work with you on developing new, healthier coping skills.

Be good to yourself and then you will become strong for your children.

bon vivant

[bon vivant]

desperate

chenmn1,

If you think that he would be willing to read this website and give the supplements and hypnotherapy CD's a try. Or possibly ask his doctor for topomax or other meds that help with alcohol craving? You never know, he has nothing to lose by trying it.

Many of MWO's readers have had pretty heavy alcohol problems solved by meds. I would be very interested in the Topomax, if my drinking was abusive.

bon vivant

[chenmn1]

desperate

chenmn1

bon vivant, thank you for your suggestion. Before I registered to this website, I did ordered the "Kudzu Rescue" medication online through MWO. I will take the next step to help myself and my children. I like to thank you for your advice about getting help for myself and the kids. I'm so glad that I'm not alone fighting this battle. I'm sure there are millions/billions of other love ones are going through the same thing that I'm going through right now. I welcome any suggestions, hope, and I envy all members for expressing their feelings and posted for all of us to learn how to cope with difficult time. Sincerely.

[Accountable for Me]

desperate

chenmn, have you been to an Al-anon meeting? They can help you wrap your head around co-dependency and your husband's drinking. It has to be so hard for family and friends of an alcoholic. It not only destructs an alcoholic's life but it affects everyone around them. Has your husband seen his doctor? There is some good information about Topomax and Campral on this website. This helps someone come off of the alcohol. Maybe you could print the information off and ask your husband to take it to his doctor. I guess the last question I have is this: does your husband want to quit drinking? He has to really want to before anything will get better.

[chenmn1]

desperate

Dear Accountable for Me and members, I don't think my husband ever thinking about quiting (his drinking habit). I never been to an Al-anon meeting. I heard of it.
But I will be honest with everyone, my schedule is so crazy between working, going to school to get my Bacholor degree, raising a 2 kids (teen and preteen). I'm lucky if I have an hour for myself. I have dedicated most of my time with my kids in the evening and after they both go to bed, I start my studying. I think all the drinking still continue is part of my fault. I don't know how to be strong to stand up to him or talk to him in a way that he would understand how much we care for his safety and many other innocent people safety. I will take your advice about the medications and see if I can talk to my husband to see his doctor. Thank you for your caring support and advise. :l

[Accountable for Me]

desperate

chenmn1, it must be completely exhausting/frustrating for you. I am really sorry. Al-Anon may have on-line meetings? I know AA does. I really wish I had an answer for you. I put my family through he** and my immediate family, well both my husband and I like to drink. (Although our days of getting drunk are over now - hopefully).

No matter what you do, if he doesn't express the desire to stop he may never stop. One really has to want it in order to get well.

You have a lot on your plate at the moment. There are other's on this board you might be able to speak to about it as well. Determinatrix/Mrs. Macks are two I can think of who are spouses of alcoholics. Why don't you send them a PM (personal message). They know where you are coming from and may be able to offer you some insight?? It would be worth a shot!!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you. This is a great group of people. Keep posting and reading. You may find some peace here.