6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

[rednose]

I hate how alcohol is so powerful in my life.

Now I am back at day one and feeling shame, embarrassed and guilty.

rednose

:upset:

[Alky]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

Red, have you considered a doctor and trying medication? Without meds, I never could have beaten this thing. It certainly isn't a sign of any kind of moral failing to give it a try.

[K9Lover]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

Red :l Did anything specific trigger it? For me it was always lonliness or boredom...or just that fact that I could "get away with it". We want to help you get to a place where you are happy NOT drinking. Being sober but still longing for it won't work, I believe that's what they call a "dry drunk". So...anything specific about last night and what brought it on?

[Pavati]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

Hi, Rednose:

Have you tried the idea of making a plan? I never wrote one down, but I had one in my head. Really I just had to plan what I would do each day instead of drinking, especially if I got the urge. Right now try writing down all you feel and try to go back to it if you have the urge. There is plenty of support here if you use it. I also like Alky's suggestion of seeing a doctor. Getting help doesn't make you a bad person. I see a counselor here and that has been so helpful!

Hope you stay close.

[K9Lover]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

I agree with Alky and Pav....I used Antabuse for a long time, and I do not view it as a crutch, but as a TOOL. We should use whatever works right? It does get much easier if you have a doctor working with you...

[rednose]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

K9Lover;1650185 wrote: Red :l Did anything specific trigger it? For me it was always lonliness or boredom...or just that fact that I could "get away with it". We want to help you get to a place where you are happy NOT drinking. Being sober but still longing for it won't work, I believe that's what they call a "dry drunk". So...anything specific about last night and what brought it on?

K9Lover

Stress and my Alcoholic brain....

rednose

[K9Lover]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

I understand completely Red. We are so conditioned to turn to alcohol in good, bad, boring, stressful, happy, and ANY OTHER times, or for whatever emotions we are (or aren't) feeling.

Do you have a plan for tonight?

[bkyogagurl]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

:imho2: (in my humble opinion)

You didn't blow it. You made 6 days. That is progress. You may have taken a step back but if you want to keep trying you can do that.

After drinking daily for a long time... 6 days was a miracle for me. And just like you I was extremely upset that I blew it..
But....

I didn't... I was making progress slowly but surely. You may ebb and flow with stopping and starting... And once you want to stop I think your brain & soul will work toward that.
Keep the visualization that you want to quit... And if you keeping trying... One of these trys will work. I believe that... That is why I won't give up trying.

I found that each time I try and have different realizations about my drinking and I understand a little bit more about myself. I know it doesn't feel good and you feel like beating yourself up. Try not to do that. I am not always good at following my own advice.
This last time I drank I tried to feel the feelings and let them pass with out the self loathing part.

Hang in there... Someone once told me that it took me 40 years to get here.. You can't expect to walk away in a day...
People do... But I am just not one of them. So I am embracing who I am and trying.

[Luckyflower]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

Red, don?t beat yourself up. We all blew it. Keep on trying and trying till it sticks. I know that you really want to quit so never give up trying. I agree with Yogagurl, 6 days are a progress. I hope that you get some rest and write yourself a plan to not drink. Quitting is hard especially the first few days but I promise you it does get easier and so worth the reward ? AF LIFE.
You can do this, I know you can. Sending hugs your way.:l:l:l

[Guitarista]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

Gidday Red,

6 days plus (bordering on 7) is a huge achievement. Congratulations on doing that. Look at me, and the amount of day 6's 7's 11's etc that i've got under my belt recently. Frustrating, but progress nonetheless, and like you today, i am here again forging forward to take back my precious life.

Yep, our Alcohol brain will be absolutely screaming out for booze in the first days and weeks, but especially in the first week as it fights against the detox and removal of booze as the fuel it is used to running on. Do what you can to get through the detox, then you will need a simple but strong plan you can handle to keep your thinking positive and your eye on the prize.

Good to see you friend. Just get yourself through today safely, then tomorrow, then another day. You can do it, you are worth it, and you owe it to yourself.

G bloke.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

Red Nose,

The people on this forum speak about their experiences and like parents, we don't want to stand by as someone we care about does something that can lead to pain:

"Don't touch the stove, it will burn you!"
"Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella, you'll get wet"
"Don't pet the strange dog, it might bite you!"

And as children what did we do? We tested the waters. And eventually, maybe the second or third time around, before we touched the stove, or before we went outside without an umbrella, or before we reached for the dog, we heard our parents' words and we took caution. Depending on our personality, of course: some of us only had to be told one time, some of us listened to the warnings spoken to our siblings and took them to heart, and some of us had to be told over, and over, and OVER again.

If you come back here, I'd kindly ask you to look at the several strings that you started here. Yes, re-read what you wrote- but also, LOOK at the number of people that viewed your story.There are many quiet brothers and sisters at your side, quietly reading your journey, and sharing your angst. A LOT of people come here to read.... and when you started posting about a week ago, you captivated our hearts. :groupluv:

Many of us can tell you that the stove is hot, and if the dial was turned this way or that... that it's still hot and must be avoided... but that doesn't mean you aren't going to try to touch the stove anyway. So you got burned. Now what? Do you throw out the stove? Do you smash the element? Or do you take a deep breath and forgive yourself... recognize the dangers of the stove and treat it with the respect it deserves.

Mr. Red Nose, with your nose so bright, don't give up on yourself. The great thing about having a Day 1 is that there can be a Day 2. :groupluv:

Big hugs, my friend. :hug: Patty

[available]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

Red, sorry to hear that al snuck back in but be very proud of those 6 days and you are back here to start again. Me, well when i farked up, i ran away from here and drank and drank some more and some more.

I am sure the majority of us on here did not stay sober the first try and the 2nd etc but when the switch switches and there is complete acceptance that you cant drink ever then it is so much easier.

Weekends are hard as for some reason we feel we need a drink to celebrate the end of the week but at the end of the day i was celebrating every day of the week, each day was the same.

You have done well Red, keep going.

[paulywogg]

6 days 18 hours and 30 minutes and I blew it.

That was an awesome post Nothappy hour,so Red,i'm eager to hear from you,what are you gonna do?i hope you'll keep trying,you've done it before don't be derailed this time,look at me,look at Mr.G,we may have slipped and slided all over but we are still here TRYING,it may take a few tweaking of plans but it can be done and it will,do you know how embarrased i've been posting day 1 over and over?very,but i always stick to it,dont give up,please check in