2 weeks today

[suziQ2014]

Hello, everyone.
It is with some relief that I write to you.
I found this site by accident just now when I googled, "Help, I really want a drink." Because today I really did. So I went to an AA meeting at noon, but found that didn't really help. I've "dabbled" in and out of AA through the years and never really connected with the 12-step process. Just me.
But today I really wanted a drink and by my train ride home I was seething with self-pity, disappointment and frustration. This is the first time I've gotten sober for me, and it was going so well. The first week especially, when I felt such exhilaration, freedom, and success! This was really going to work this time. Then the novelty wore off, the new normal settled in, and I began to obsess about a lifetime of not drinking - thoughts exacerbated, I'm sure, by my pending (hard partying) company for the Marathon (I live in Boston); the anxiety of attending the Marathon itself (my niece is running and I have to support her); and the fact that I spent last night celebrating my daughter's 21st birthday with family and friends as the only sober person at the table.
So the desire to drink really snuck up on me today as Thursday night was my husband and my night for a relaxing end-of-week dinner and nice bottle of wine. Instead I had a grilled cheese and tomato soup and went to bed at 8 o'clock. And here I am writing to you at 2:20 in the morning with the hopes of ... what? I really don't know. But the caring and seemingly rationale support on these pages really touched me, and gave me hope. And so here I am. Thanks for listening.

[Pinecone]

2 weeks today

Hi Suzi and welcome! 2 weeks AF is fantastic. You came to the right place! I found that this site offers two critical elements that are missing from trying to quit on one's own: TOOLS and SUPPORT. I found them to be the elements that pushed my attempts to quit into an actual quit. Tools come in the form of techniques and strategies to stay successful. They come from the posters here and are found in the Toolbox thread. Support comes from making connections and reaching out. The Newbies Nest is a great place for that because it is very busy and welcoming.

I found that there were ups and downs in my mood for a while before my mood leveled off. This is a pretty common experience.

Also, just briefly, I want to tell you that AF life is the relief I was always looking for in the bottle. I am not deprived one bit by not drinking. I deprived myself of the joy of AF life all those years I drank. I have never, ever, ever regretted quitting and I've never read of anyone who has. Looking forward to having you here! :welcome:

[little beagle]

2 weeks today

Suzi congratulations. 2 weeks is wonderful. I'm glad you found us. Yes as Pinecone said the support here is wonderful. I have been here for a year and have never once regretted not drinking. I never would have done it alone.
I am looking forward to getting to know you.:welcome:

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

2 weeks today

Welcome SuziQ,

I stumbled across this site a couple of years ago when I was trying to convince myself that I could "moderate" my drinking.... and truthfully, when I first stopped drinking, I think I was in mourning. I missed my relaxing friend and that moment when I took that first sip of red wine... When I found this forum, I realized that there are many women struggling with addiction- probably more than researchers know about?

Please feel free to browse the shelves, or to post for yourself. The neat thing about this forum is that it is a global family, and there is normally someone here to listen. :groupluv:

Patty

[suziQ2014]

2 weeks today

thank you, thank you, thank you...

...Pinecone, little beagle, and not happy hour (I think I should've chosen a more creative name) and anyone else who reaches out. I can't tell you what it meant to wake up and read these supportive posts. It's new for me, and so very helpful. I definitely will be back.
I think today's going to be a good day. Thanks again.

[NoSugar]

2 weeks today

Hi SuziQ

There are links to the Toolbox and Newbies Nest below. Those are good threads to read to help you make your plan and to interact with people who understand exactly how you feel.

All the best! NS

[paulywogg]

2 weeks today

Hi SuziQ,(i think its a cute name btw)good job on 2 weeks! and welcome to mwothose drinking thoughts will come and go,usually toughing it out and getting to the next day you'll be soooo glad you didnt drink and wonder why you were even thinking of it anyways,good for you getting through yesterday,hope to see you around

[briseus]

2 weeks today

Congrats SuziQ for 2 weeks sober - that really is fantastic. Everyone here knows how hard it is…I think my first two to three weeks were the very hardest for me. Especially the weekends - I believe that this is only normal. It's normal to sit there and dwell on the drink - that annoying addictive voice inside your head trying to get you to just have 'one glass'…
Like Pinecone said, you won't regret getting sober. I didn't. It took me a long time to get to where I am - to realize that I really did want this…it sounds like you are there.
I know all to well the feeling of "is this it? is this what sobriety feels like?" but honestly, it's 1000 times better then when drunk - you can do so many more things! When we have a glass of alcohol, it only leads to more and than black-outs and than…nothing. Just a waste of a perfectly fabulous evening being sober.

You can do this - you will be so much happier not drinking - for me, I found the first two weeks or so to being particularly difficult.
Best of luck. You can do this - we are all here rooting for you.

Bri

[j-vo]

2 weeks today

Suzi,
I didn't connect with AA either, but do here. It's a wonderful way to recover, posting your thoughts, learning from others, giving and getting encouragement. Pav just posted on grieving alcohol and fear and i"ll repost it here. It's normal to have these feelings. Focusing on today is the most important thing - don't look into the future as it creates anxiety. ODAT. And having a plan for today is important. I'll go and copy and paste the article.

[j-vo]

2 weeks today

A great article posted by Pavati from One Crafty Mother:


Heartbreak. Grief. And fear.

I grieved and was heartbroken over the loss of alcohol. I grieved the loss of who I was when drinking actually did work. I grieved the fact that I now identified with a group of people that at one time I judged—at one time I swore I wasn’t one of them. I grieved that I would have to work hard at recovery—because just abstaining from alcohol wasn’t going to be enough for me. I grieved the loss of a part of me.

I feared facing my life without a means to numb and hide from the hard times. I feared that alcoholism really was something that was out of my control. I feared that for me, there would be no turning back once I knew for sure and admitted that I was a true alcoholic.

All of this isn’t to say that there isn’t so much to be gained from sobriety. I have a beautiful, sober life now. But, I write this post for anyone who might think that their feelings of grief and sadness are wrong. You need to feel what you feel. And if you feel grief about getting sober that’s okay. I’ve been one to over-think almost everything and this is one of them. I’ve made up that it has to mean something if I feel sad about it all. Am I headed for relapse? Shouldn’t I always feel happy now that I’m sober? Fear and grief are real feelings that we all feel. In my experience, having a spiritual connection has greatly reduced these feelings and I still turn to that connection every time I feel fear and grief come up. But, I remember in early sobriety, they were quite common feelings.