Like many people, I'm starting again after a number of failed attempts to battle the booze.
In the past couple of years I have tried various things (Allan Carr's book, the MWO programme, Jason Vine's book, etc).
I had my last drink about 12 days ago (I'm trying not to count as I do agree with the theory that it can be damaging). I have to say that out of the 10+ times I have gone cold turkey, this one was the easiest - this is odd as I was drinking more this time than any of the other times where I have really struggled with sweats/disturbed sleep etc.
Things began to get tough after about a week - I got past the danger of any physical problems, but then the mental battles started. I began to feel depressed and down, as if something was missing. I was running the 'I just want to be normal' scenario through my head - not so much craving, more the fact that I couldn't cope with the concept of not drinking ever again.
I had a eureka moment yesterday when I talked things through with my wife - trying to explain to her about why I was down. She was trying to gee me up by telling me how proud she is of me etc. I was telling her that I was at that stage that the advantages of stopping drinking are fading and seeming less important. She started talking about the health implications of stopping drinking. I explained that whilst the amount I drank wasn't 'good' for me, the amount wasn't perilously bad for my health - I drank more that Drs recommend but not massively so. I explained to her that the main, biggest reason I wanted to stop was the constant nagging craving for more alcohol was more difficult to live with. I had always tried to not drink on work nights - I had abandoned this of late and the shame of going to work with a hangover was not something else that I found difficult. We both agreed that due to the level of responsibility I have in my work life makes it unacceptable to drink during the week but if ever I wanted to go back to drinking at weekends only, I am free to do so.
Whilst this must sound contradictory, i.e., giving myself the green light to drink, it in fact has been really powerful in the opposite way?.I am 100% committed to the concept of not drinking during the week- that is my non-negotiable. BUT I know that I cannot cope with the horrendous feeling when I wake up on a Sunday morning and know I can't drink again until Friday after work?..that feeling is worse than the cravings I have now (or have had in the past week or so) - on a scale of 1-10, if I currently have a craving of 6, that feeling on a Sunday morning is 8. I said to my wife that it reminded me of the Greek Myth where the person had their liver pecked out each day only for it to grow back again during the night?that is exactly how the 'not drinking during the week' routine feels to me.
Since I realised that I can drink if I want to - but have made a conscious decision not to - that I would prefer how I feel now (even if it doesn't ever et easier) to the torture of moderation/intermittent abstinence, I have felt much more at peace with myself - I have gone from being gloomy and snappy to a 'normal' functioning almost human.
I stopped smoking 14 yrs ago (ish) and I don't EVER, EVER crave a cigarette, not one tiny bit - if they were free with no health issues, I wouldn't want to start again?.I wonder if this will ever be the case with alcohol? I hope so, but if not, so be it
)
I don't post very much , but thought the concept of making a deliberate choice rather than being deprived might strike a chord with others.
Chopden
In the past couple of years I have tried various things (Allan Carr's book, the MWO programme, Jason Vine's book, etc).
I had my last drink about 12 days ago (I'm trying not to count as I do agree with the theory that it can be damaging). I have to say that out of the 10+ times I have gone cold turkey, this one was the easiest - this is odd as I was drinking more this time than any of the other times where I have really struggled with sweats/disturbed sleep etc.
Things began to get tough after about a week - I got past the danger of any physical problems, but then the mental battles started. I began to feel depressed and down, as if something was missing. I was running the 'I just want to be normal' scenario through my head - not so much craving, more the fact that I couldn't cope with the concept of not drinking ever again.
I had a eureka moment yesterday when I talked things through with my wife - trying to explain to her about why I was down. She was trying to gee me up by telling me how proud she is of me etc. I was telling her that I was at that stage that the advantages of stopping drinking are fading and seeming less important. She started talking about the health implications of stopping drinking. I explained that whilst the amount I drank wasn't 'good' for me, the amount wasn't perilously bad for my health - I drank more that Drs recommend but not massively so. I explained to her that the main, biggest reason I wanted to stop was the constant nagging craving for more alcohol was more difficult to live with. I had always tried to not drink on work nights - I had abandoned this of late and the shame of going to work with a hangover was not something else that I found difficult. We both agreed that due to the level of responsibility I have in my work life makes it unacceptable to drink during the week but if ever I wanted to go back to drinking at weekends only, I am free to do so.
Whilst this must sound contradictory, i.e., giving myself the green light to drink, it in fact has been really powerful in the opposite way?.I am 100% committed to the concept of not drinking during the week- that is my non-negotiable. BUT I know that I cannot cope with the horrendous feeling when I wake up on a Sunday morning and know I can't drink again until Friday after work?..that feeling is worse than the cravings I have now (or have had in the past week or so) - on a scale of 1-10, if I currently have a craving of 6, that feeling on a Sunday morning is 8. I said to my wife that it reminded me of the Greek Myth where the person had their liver pecked out each day only for it to grow back again during the night?that is exactly how the 'not drinking during the week' routine feels to me.
Since I realised that I can drink if I want to - but have made a conscious decision not to - that I would prefer how I feel now (even if it doesn't ever et easier) to the torture of moderation/intermittent abstinence, I have felt much more at peace with myself - I have gone from being gloomy and snappy to a 'normal' functioning almost human.
I stopped smoking 14 yrs ago (ish) and I don't EVER, EVER crave a cigarette, not one tiny bit - if they were free with no health issues, I wouldn't want to start again?.I wonder if this will ever be the case with alcohol? I hope so, but if not, so be it
)I don't post very much , but thought the concept of making a deliberate choice rather than being deprived might strike a chord with others.
Chopden
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