Day 60 : as I complete this mile stone I saw several documentaries and read a lot about brain chemistry and it's relation to addiction and to make things simple I thought of putting it this way
I request all experts on this site to correct it and add where you feel I am wrong in imagine or may add.
Let's imagine our brain is a windmill . Which moves with wind. Wind comes from all things which satisfies us or gives us pleasure like food, water, sex even drugs. Faster it moves more pleasure we feel. As it accelerates we get euphoria. As it decelerates we start feeling low. If we put sudden brakes we can get a melt down.
Several years back when we were not exposed to any drug say in beginning
Normal sober day the windmill will move with speed of 50 revolutions per minute (rpm) with wind speed of 50 meters per minute (mpm). We will (actually used to) feel neutral. Normal, balanced etc.
feeling good We eat great food after getting hungry, or drink water after being thirsty, make love/sex, listen to favourite song etc all things which make us feel good this increase speed of wind to100 meters per minute and brain responds by the increased speed of 100 rpm. And we feel great satisfied. All simple things in life used to give us pleasure, music, movies, watching kids, animals, rain, flowers etc.
First moments of alcohol as we take alcohol the wind speed goes to 1000 rpm and increases the brains windmill to 1000 rpm. We fell great .. Like never before. We drink more wind speed goes to 1500 and windmill too goes 1500 ... After couple of hours windmill gets so tried and stressed out at the ball bearings of windmill are not designed to run to fast then it gets tired and rammed then when the wind speeds return to normal 50 and brain windmill can't run at 50 rpm but runs at jammed speed of 40 rpm. It feels stressed out and hung over ... But it still goes from 50 to 1500 when ever we drink. The deceleration shocks us and we swear never to drink again due to hung over. But we don't get the high of 1500 and experiment again ...
after some years of alcohol abuse we have been drinking so much that we make speed to 5000 Mpm when we are drinking. Brain windmill is now worn out and jammed that even in such wind it cannot move more than 100 Mpm. Slowly this wind mill speed goes down to 70. And to achieve 100 when we do we drink more to seek more high ... We increase wind speed to 6000mpm to increase brains windmill to 100 Mpm. But still we don't feel great we missed the time we use used to get so high (such speed) with few drink (less wind). This is state of alcohol tolerance ...
after many years of abuse : we drink and drink and supply air of 6000 mpm or more but brains windmill is so jammed that it does not move beyond 50 to 60 mpm. And what happens we reduce drinking or when we are say sober in morning then brain speed is near 20 mpm. We feel bad , low, depressed wanting to get back to "normal state" by drinking. Even feel like a drink in morning to get to normal. We are no longer seeking euphoric high speed of but a state of normal windmill speeds of 50 Mpm. Which we get only by drinking. Food only increases wind by 50 Mpm we are exposing our brain to wind speed of 5000 or more with alcohol. So we lose interest in food and all other pleasure of like ... Family, sex, food, music etc etc ... We are now alcohol dependent. Live to satisfy ourself ...
cold turkey and tapering when we go cold turkey we get into withdrawal. And they say it's could be dangerous. It's because. We have been exposing our brains windmill to a wind speed of 5000 or more and even though with such high wind speed brain was running at rpm of 50 rpm only. When we stop drinking and hence the wind speed reduced to 50 Mpm from 5000 Mpm and our brain's windmill approaches zero rpm. A state of shock any normal human does not experience windmil speed close to zero. Which is dangerous and it may cause high anxiety, shakes, lack of sleep etc etc. We must give time to reduce the wear and tear in windmill (debate of tapering). Let it recover so that we can respond to wind and start moving again. To make it move agin is where tools come in picture : MWO, support, AA meetings, supplements, meditation and most importantly time. All these gives lubrication to the bearings of windmill so that it starts moving again.
[b] after weeks and months of abstinence our brains starts responding get speeds of wind in normal range of 50 to 100. But still moves at low speeds as compared. We start readjusting to the new normal. Start reliving our lives. We also gets mood winds starts feeling emotions as suddenly our brain experience much faster accelerations and decelerating (5 rpm then to 20 then back to 5). When we were drinking a lot and chasing high and were always keeping ourselves at worn out. Now brain is healing.
So now what are we aiming at ... The same brain what was at original state ... Moving at 50 rpm with wind of 50 Mpm. It got used to running at 50 rpm at wind speed of. 5000 Mpm (such high wind comes with drugs). But this is also fro. Another aspect ... Our brain now experiences highs and lows (changes in winds) due to natural causes and situations around us.
relapse what of we relapse ... We again expose our brain's windmill to wind speed of 5000. It has healed so it can run now to speeds of 2000 or more ... We get high but it's damaged and very soon goes back to running at 50 rpm ... And we go back to same bad state we were ...
moderation in above situation how can our brain survive if we keep on exposing our damaged brain windmill to such jerks of high wind.its bearing will get damaged .... So complete abstaining is the only way to repair ...
In the above case wind is the dopamine produced by brain in response to natural occurring pleasures like food, water, sex etc or artificial like drugs and alcohol. The windmill is the dopamine receptors on our brains which gets damaged and stops receiving the dopamine if it relieves too much of it.
I don't know how much I am right in imagining my brain that ways ... But you may also imagine your brain like a sensitive ear and alcohol loud music ... Etc.
Stay sober guys and give time to cure the brain, windmill or what ever you may imagine it to be .... :l
I request all experts on this site to correct it and add where you feel I am wrong in imagine or may add.
Let's imagine our brain is a windmill . Which moves with wind. Wind comes from all things which satisfies us or gives us pleasure like food, water, sex even drugs. Faster it moves more pleasure we feel. As it accelerates we get euphoria. As it decelerates we start feeling low. If we put sudden brakes we can get a melt down.
Several years back when we were not exposed to any drug say in beginning
Normal sober day the windmill will move with speed of 50 revolutions per minute (rpm) with wind speed of 50 meters per minute (mpm). We will (actually used to) feel neutral. Normal, balanced etc.
feeling good We eat great food after getting hungry, or drink water after being thirsty, make love/sex, listen to favourite song etc all things which make us feel good this increase speed of wind to100 meters per minute and brain responds by the increased speed of 100 rpm. And we feel great satisfied. All simple things in life used to give us pleasure, music, movies, watching kids, animals, rain, flowers etc.
First moments of alcohol as we take alcohol the wind speed goes to 1000 rpm and increases the brains windmill to 1000 rpm. We fell great .. Like never before. We drink more wind speed goes to 1500 and windmill too goes 1500 ... After couple of hours windmill gets so tried and stressed out at the ball bearings of windmill are not designed to run to fast then it gets tired and rammed then when the wind speeds return to normal 50 and brain windmill can't run at 50 rpm but runs at jammed speed of 40 rpm. It feels stressed out and hung over ... But it still goes from 50 to 1500 when ever we drink. The deceleration shocks us and we swear never to drink again due to hung over. But we don't get the high of 1500 and experiment again ...
after some years of alcohol abuse we have been drinking so much that we make speed to 5000 Mpm when we are drinking. Brain windmill is now worn out and jammed that even in such wind it cannot move more than 100 Mpm. Slowly this wind mill speed goes down to 70. And to achieve 100 when we do we drink more to seek more high ... We increase wind speed to 6000mpm to increase brains windmill to 100 Mpm. But still we don't feel great we missed the time we use used to get so high (such speed) with few drink (less wind). This is state of alcohol tolerance ...
after many years of abuse : we drink and drink and supply air of 6000 mpm or more but brains windmill is so jammed that it does not move beyond 50 to 60 mpm. And what happens we reduce drinking or when we are say sober in morning then brain speed is near 20 mpm. We feel bad , low, depressed wanting to get back to "normal state" by drinking. Even feel like a drink in morning to get to normal. We are no longer seeking euphoric high speed of but a state of normal windmill speeds of 50 Mpm. Which we get only by drinking. Food only increases wind by 50 Mpm we are exposing our brain to wind speed of 5000 or more with alcohol. So we lose interest in food and all other pleasure of like ... Family, sex, food, music etc etc ... We are now alcohol dependent. Live to satisfy ourself ...
cold turkey and tapering when we go cold turkey we get into withdrawal. And they say it's could be dangerous. It's because. We have been exposing our brains windmill to a wind speed of 5000 or more and even though with such high wind speed brain was running at rpm of 50 rpm only. When we stop drinking and hence the wind speed reduced to 50 Mpm from 5000 Mpm and our brain's windmill approaches zero rpm. A state of shock any normal human does not experience windmil speed close to zero. Which is dangerous and it may cause high anxiety, shakes, lack of sleep etc etc. We must give time to reduce the wear and tear in windmill (debate of tapering). Let it recover so that we can respond to wind and start moving again. To make it move agin is where tools come in picture : MWO, support, AA meetings, supplements, meditation and most importantly time. All these gives lubrication to the bearings of windmill so that it starts moving again.
[b] after weeks and months of abstinence our brains starts responding get speeds of wind in normal range of 50 to 100. But still moves at low speeds as compared. We start readjusting to the new normal. Start reliving our lives. We also gets mood winds starts feeling emotions as suddenly our brain experience much faster accelerations and decelerating (5 rpm then to 20 then back to 5). When we were drinking a lot and chasing high and were always keeping ourselves at worn out. Now brain is healing.
So now what are we aiming at ... The same brain what was at original state ... Moving at 50 rpm with wind of 50 Mpm. It got used to running at 50 rpm at wind speed of. 5000 Mpm (such high wind comes with drugs). But this is also fro. Another aspect ... Our brain now experiences highs and lows (changes in winds) due to natural causes and situations around us.
relapse what of we relapse ... We again expose our brain's windmill to wind speed of 5000. It has healed so it can run now to speeds of 2000 or more ... We get high but it's damaged and very soon goes back to running at 50 rpm ... And we go back to same bad state we were ...
moderation in above situation how can our brain survive if we keep on exposing our damaged brain windmill to such jerks of high wind.its bearing will get damaged .... So complete abstaining is the only way to repair ...
In the above case wind is the dopamine produced by brain in response to natural occurring pleasures like food, water, sex etc or artificial like drugs and alcohol. The windmill is the dopamine receptors on our brains which gets damaged and stops receiving the dopamine if it relieves too much of it.
I don't know how much I am right in imagining my brain that ways ... But you may also imagine your brain like a sensitive ear and alcohol loud music ... Etc.
Stay sober guys and give time to cure the brain, windmill or what ever you may imagine it to be .... :l
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