I am 77 days sober.
I feel like I am becoming complacent. I feel like there should be *more* that I should be doing in working on my recovery. Many think I'm not an alcoholic because I have gone 77 days without alcohol but I know that I am. I do know that in heart and mind and I DO NOT want to drink!
But old thoughts are creeping back in?and I don't want to be too smug.
This weekend family is coming to my place that I have not seen in 10 years?I am excited?but very nervous because 1) there will be alcohol - and no I can't say that I am an alcholic and please no one drink around me? and 2) I am sure that some of you know all too well that sometimes when you get family into a room it can get a little?chaotic. I am outspoken and at this point in my recovery I am a little bit of an anger-bomb (working on this with my counsellor - anger is my secondary feeling at this point) and I don't know how to cope with these things without alcohol at this point.
I just need some advice on what things I could do to 'prepare' myself. I hold my family's opinion of things very highly and I know in the past when things were said that didn't jive with me I would just drink. I don't think I've been sober with them 100% for a good 4 years now.
They say God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers?is this my battle? Because I know I don't want to drink?
But that little voice can be a tad nagging?.
Just the other day I thought - oh so briefly - how 'wonderful' it would be to get shitfaced all day?in bed?doing nothing, just drinking. And I thought, how incredibly SAD?it was fleeting?but still, that scared me.
I don't want to get off track.
I realized last week that on my birthday, which is coming up, I will be 100 days. Exactly on my birthday?
That is supposed to mean something, right?? I can't get off track. I refuse to.
But I'm scared.
-Bri.
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