Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

[briseus]

I won't make this long-winded?as I am notorious for doing.
I am 77 days sober.
I feel like I am becoming complacent. I feel like there should be *more* that I should be doing in working on my recovery. Many think I'm not an alcoholic because I have gone 77 days without alcohol but I know that I am. I do know that in heart and mind and I DO NOT want to drink!
But old thoughts are creeping back in?and I don't want to be too smug.
This weekend family is coming to my place that I have not seen in 10 years?I am excited?but very nervous because 1) there will be alcohol - and no I can't say that I am an alcholic and please no one drink around me? and 2) I am sure that some of you know all too well that sometimes when you get family into a room it can get a little?chaotic. I am outspoken and at this point in my recovery I am a little bit of an anger-bomb (working on this with my counsellor - anger is my secondary feeling at this point) and I don't know how to cope with these things without alcohol at this point.

I just need some advice on what things I could do to 'prepare' myself. I hold my family's opinion of things very highly and I know in the past when things were said that didn't jive with me I would just drink. I don't think I've been sober with them 100% for a good 4 years now.

They say God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers?is this my battle? Because I know I don't want to drink?
But that little voice can be a tad nagging?.
Just the other day I thought - oh so briefly - how 'wonderful' it would be to get shitfaced all day?in bed?doing nothing, just drinking. And I thought, how incredibly SAD?it was fleeting?but still, that scared me.

I don't want to get off track.

I realized last week that on my birthday, which is coming up, I will be 100 days. Exactly on my birthday?
That is supposed to mean something, right?? I can't get off track. I refuse to.

But I'm scared.

-Bri.

[available]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Bris that is fantastic your 77 days af. You know you need to protect your quit with whatever it takes, people dont make you take that first glass, it is only you that will put it to your lips.

I will also add that we seem to over think these situations until we feel we will fail. I went on holidays with my mum for two weeks, i was petrified that i would drink, that she would be a cow, that i would retaliate and head to the drink but it was not like that at all. It was wonderful, i had a brilliant time sober, i did not feel i had to drink. She drank and that was ok, it was her choice, mine was not to drink.

The anger is a part of the recovery. Its a wonder i have a tongue left, i bit it that many times so as not to have a bitchy retort spew forth. Take a breath and take a walk or go to your bedroom and log onto mwo and who ever made the comment that annoyed you do not go back to them until you are settled.

I was extremely emotional at your stage of days and so was Pav also. They are feelings that need to be dissected and put where they belong. You wont drink, you know you wont drink. The scariest thing is thinking you will and the thought of failing. I didnt fail on holidays, it was great to be af and i am very proud of myself for spending two weeks sober.

Protect your quit, there is nothing else to be done. I always think this has been too easy, when will i fail, what else do i need to do. The only thing i need to do is get through the day and then there is always tomorrow.

A great post Bris and i know you will be okay. xx

[briseus]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Thank you Ava - and congratulations on your 150 days! That is huge!

I think you are absolutely right - I am completely overthinking things - I can't have high expectations and I can't have low ones - I just need to focus on myself and *protect my quit*. I really liked the way you said that because it's true. I need to protect this sobriety of mine with everything I got right now because I can't go back to that hell. I know it won't help if I do go back there - what will I accomplish if I do except a terrible loathing of myself.

That is exactly my train of thought the past week or so - 'this is too easy' - 'when will I screw up'?etc etc. I think that is what scares me. I am just too afraid to fail and I really don't want to but that is one thing I also lost sight of - I shouldn't be thinking of this coming weekend?I should focus on right this moment, today?one day at a time.
I will log in, should anything happen during the time my family is here or I get 'pissed'.
Congrats on doing the two weeks on vacation sober - that is going to be my next obstacle. But I am determined?more so than ever.
I never thought I would get here?I am proud of myself?but I need to fiercely protect all this hard work too and I need to remember that no one can take this away from me but me.

Thanks for opening my eyes up, Ava. xo

Bri.*

[available]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

You will not fail Bris but its good to dissect how you feel openly and on here. God i holidayed in "alkie paradise" - thailand and bars every 5 feet. I did have a pity party twice that i would love to relax with ONE drink and be normal. We are not normal, end of story!

I, like you, will never go back to how i felt while drinking. To me that is not an option that is open anymore. I know if i drink that i dont have the strength to quit again at this stage so i dont drink.

Just make sure that you have your own drink and fill your own glass. Some people dont get the aspect of us not drinking and find it intimidating. We are the strong ones, not them!

Thanks for the congrats, i still feel its not me, but the great thing is that it is me!

[DreamThinkDo]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Brise, I was at that same point over Christmas - stuff of nightmares. Just being sober made a huge difference to the family dynamics - I laughed at things that I guess in the past I would have drunk at and over. I stopped over-analysing things, and just enjoyed being with my family. One thing that made a huge difference was to stop being the director, producer, actors, gophers, set designer (I could go on) of the whole production that is a family Christmas. I let the others make the decisions, and just went with the flow. So what if I would have used a different table cloth - the most important thing was that there was one. You'll be the hostess, so I suppose you'll have to take a more active role, but perhaps try to involve the others more than you would normally have done.

You don't have to tell people that you've quit - use the old anti-biotic excuse (it may even get you a few sympathy votes as well!) Everybody else drank, except my dad, and I was fine with that - by looking past the glass and talking to the person holding that glass I had some really good conversations. And make sure that you always have a something to drink close at hand - it wards off a lot of Fill your glass? questions. Just being sober and wholly there made a huge difference.

Can't wait to have a double celebration - your birthday and 100 days - in less than a month!

[SKendall]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Bris, I understand completely. I just said "I'm not drinking right now" in the beginning and now I say "I don't drink". Only the extremely insensitive will pry further. If the visitors are used to your drinking they may well ask and replying in a confident tone will usually require respect, not more questions.

:goodjobn the 77 days.

[MartyCarter]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Hello bri thanks for your post It inspire me to go AF this time. if you can do I think I can do it too. goodluck on the recovery mate

[Pavati]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Hi, Bri:

So much resonates for me! Complacency is dangerous, for sure.

I got a lot out of listening to the Bubble Hour podcast on relapse prevention - two long-time sober people who relapsed talk about what happened to them, and complacency was definitely a part. You can find the podcast here - The Bubble Hour.

And you most definitely need to celebrate your 100 days on your SOBER birthday. No, you can't get off track. I like Dreamy's advice - part of acceptance is understanding what you can't control (i.e. others' behaviors). Let as much as you can roll off your back, and head out for a walk (or get a stomach ache and need to lie down) if need be.

By all means, post here if you feel the tug!

xo
Pav

[frances]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Bris you are doing great and just the fact that you came here to post your concern means you are on the right track. As you get ready for the weekend it might help to know what you will say if asked - I struggled with that recently. I felt weird saying 'I don't drink' because everyone knew that I did drink so that would be strange. 'I don't drink anymore' was an option, as was 'I'm not drinking today, it bothers my stomach' (or something along those lines). I wound up the first day just saying I preferred to have a nice relaxing cup of tea and then the next day noone said a word!

Also be prepared for what you will do if AL thoughts come creeping into you mind - how will you resist the urge? I absolutely agree with the advice to always have a drink in your hand - that definitely helps tremendously. This past weekend I had my tea and then the next night I had bottled water. It felt great to get through it - you will get through this and you will feel great!

I am going to listen to the Bubble Hour podcast on relapse prevention - I bet that is very helpful too (thanks Pav)!

Frances

[SoberSoul]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Hi Bris, lots of great advice here. I am a chronic relapser but I have to throw my two cents in too. One thing you said that really hit home with me was that complacency was dangerous. It's gotten me every time. I remember my last relapse started with my cousin treating myself and my husband to dinner and he asked me to order the wine. The waiter poured it for ME to taste it, I took a tiny sip, didn't finish the glass but the rest is history. I was back to day one within a two weeks after an embarrassing episode.

Do you think you could get up a little earlier and spend ten minutes 'meditating' or grounding yourself in a quiet room every day they are there? I think if you start each day with some reinforcing self-talk then it might make a difference.

I can hardly wait to congratulate you on your 100 day birthday... you will do great!!

[briseus]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Thank you to everyone who responded - it has really helped me and there is some great advice...sorry, not some...everyone's post here IS great advice to help me get through the stay...
I will definitely check out the Bubble Hour - thanks Pav.

Complacency is definitely dangerous territory to be in - especially when a weekend like this is coming up...it's not my family - it's ME. I know that it's me. I can get too overly sensitive and oftentimes I am wondering if I am looking for an excuse to drink...deep down, I know that I am not - I am just crapping my pants because like someone else said in a different thread, I am sorry, I forgot who...I, like them, don't have another quit left in my right now and I cannot throw all this hard work away.

Something that I got a little upset with - and I am so glad that I have all of you guys - is that I expressed my concerns to my partner and he said that I am 'looking for drama'. Looking for problems...that I don't have an issue with alcohol...
It's frustrating to me because he thinks I went so long without drinking that I am not an alcoholic and he just does not understand.
I know that he isn't not trying to be mean...he just doesn't understand. Maybe that is an entirely different thread though -

I will implement all the things everyone suggested...meditating, grounding techniques, leaving if things get too heated, always keeping a non-alcoholic drink in hand. I will just hate having alcohol in my place but...I can't avoid it forever, there are many others that drink...so I need to strengthen my resolve...and just pray.

Yes...I will make it to 100 days...I will not struggle, I will work my own little program, journal and stay focused.

I will protect my sobriety.

[j-vo]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Bri,
You hold your family's opinions high, but make sure you hold yours a bit above everyone else's as you know what's right for yourself. Drinking would not make anything better, just worse. You will be able to enjoy your family with all your faculties, remember the good feeling of having family around, and being the real you, not a drunk one.

As others have said, protect your quit. You don't want to start back from square one. Push through it. But come here and post and ask for support during their stay. Check in. Before they come, go back and read your plan and what's worked for you. Things are working, as you would not have gotten so far. Believe in yourself and hold yourself in high regard. You deserve it.

[MartyCarter]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

briseus;1655477 wrote: Thank you to everyone who responded - it has really helped me and there is some great advice...sorry, not some...everyone's post here IS great advice to help me get through the stay...
I will definitely check out the Bubble Hour - thanks Pav.

Complacency is definitely dangerous territory to be in - especially when a weekend like this is coming up...it's not my family - it's ME. I know that it's me. I can get too overly sensitive and oftentimes I am wondering if I am looking for an excuse to drink...deep down, I know that I am not - I am just crapping my pants because like someone else said in a different thread, I am sorry, I forgot who...I, like them, don't have another quit left in my right now and I cannot throw all this hard work away.

Something that I got a little upset with - and I am so glad that I have all of you guys - is that I expressed my concerns to my partner and he said that I am 'looking for drama'. Looking for problems...that I don't have an issue with alcohol...
It's frustrating to me because he thinks I went so long without drinking that I am not an alcoholic and he just does not understand.
I know that he isn't not trying to be mean...he just doesn't understand. Maybe that is an entirely different thread though -

I will implement all the things everyone suggested...meditating, grounding techniques, leaving if things get too heated, always keeping a non-alcoholic drink in hand. I will just hate having alcohol in my place but...I can't avoid it forever, there are many others that drink...so I need to strengthen my resolve...and just pray.

Yes...I will make it to 100 days...I will not struggle, I will work my own little program, journal and stay focused.

I will protect my sobriety.

How's it going bri? how are today? I hope your fine. Keep us posted ok. I'm always here to listen.

[damo180]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

Hi Bri,
Just want to add my support to you.
This thread has helped me tonight.
I am just over 3 months sober and have been struggling.

Lets get through these trivky times, yeah ?

Best wishes

Damo in Dublin

[damo180]

Complacent? And a curveball heading my way...

"Trivky" = tricky :-) , damn I phone