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[Rosie C]

:new: Hi everyone,

I am new to posting on websites but am very glad to have found this one! I live in the UK I have two daughters who I absolutely adore and have been married to my husband for 15 years, I have recently made myself face up to the fact that my drinking is out of control now. The last ten years have had their ups and downs, two near fatal illnesses that my husband and I underwent nearly left my children without parents, my daughter was diagnosed with a serious cardiac problem which we are still working through and terrifies me plus the pressures of running our own business. Drinking of an evening let me forget the stresses and helped me to sleep.

It has got out of hand now though, I feel it is damaging my health, although no-one knows I have this issue as I am so careful to hide it even when I am feeling wretched, but I need to take control for my childrens sake. I can go for days without drinking if I make myself but then binge drink, drinking in moderation is just something I don't seem to be able to do. My mother was an alcoholic, no excuse, but I wonder if there is any truth in the genetic line of thought.

Anyway, I can't tell you how thrilled I was to find this site and couldn't beleive how many people (and Mums) were going through the same thing and that there is such support and hope whilst being able to remain private as such.

I have ordered the starter pack, book, CD's etc, have Topomax just arrived (am waiting for other things first) and am a bit scared about taking that if I'm honest. Whilst waiting for my order I went to Holland and Barret and bought B Complex L Glutamine and Kudzo tablets to make a start and am hoping to crack this.

Is anyone else starting on Topomax and does anyone have any advice on this?

Hope to hear from you.

Rosie C

[garden girl]

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:welcome: hi rosie, you sound like me ,I am in the uk ,45, two beautiful daughters, married 11 years, I too am pleased to have found this site although I tend to read posts more than write them. I have had a really bad 5 years and have used alcohol like you because I found it difficult to deal with stress. I know I drink too much but mainly my problem is like yours, I dont drink for a few days and then end up drinking a bottle plus of wine at home and get drunk very quickly, I never get drunk when I socially drink, I think I drink so quickly at home because I feel guility as I know my husband (who does not drink) is at the end of his tether and my children aged 13 and 11 just hate to see their mum drunk as it is not the normal caring loving mum they are used to seeing. I dont take the sups or use cds and I havent read the book yet as I am already meditating and exercising everyday and already feel better, I have been getting stronger the past 3 months. I dont know wether to go af or mods but just take one day at atime.Read as many posts as possible you will find lots to relate too. Out of interest how much do you drink and how often. Welcome to MWO, you are not alone.

[Rosie C]

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Thanks for replying, it is such a support knowing you are not the only one going through this. Regarding how much I drink, a normal binge will be a beer with my husband when he gets in followed by my drinking an entire bottle of white wine in most cases. This is normally it, but can depending on the conversation or stress of that particular day be known to then have a couple more glasses of red wine. I drink white, my husband drinks red. I only like to have one bottle of white in the house at a time because I know I can't then open a second. I love red wine but it makes me feel even more ill the next day so don't drink that by the bottle!

This weekend, we had friends over and I didn't want to start drinking wine at lunch time on Sunday, so I made a big jug of Pimms and we drank that, it was really pleasant, by that night a few more jugs had been made and drunk, but I felt I had had a drink, but wasn't drunk, so that's one I'm going to remember.

I too have learnt to control my drinking when out socially out of fear of becoming drunk quickly and dying of embarrassment the next day.

I have to take control before my kids get too much older, I don't want them to look back at me as I do at my Mum drunk and useless. I am going to go for abstinence for a while and then try to acheive moderation, but moderation is difficult for me, one or two is never enough, I seem to be able to either go without or end up going over the top.
Thanks for the reply, I wish you all the luck, and will look forward to hearing from you again and lets hope we can both acheive our aims, for ourselves and our family.

Rosie

[garden girl]

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I think it does help alot being able to read about people in the same situation as yourself, the thing I hate most is when the day after you drink you feel so guilty you end up making promises that you do not keep and then you feel even more of a failure. Over the past few months I have tried to only set goals that I honestly feel I can achieve . As long as I feel in myself that I am progressing on an upwards slope then I am happy with that today i am 4 days af, I may have a drink tonight I may not but what I do know is that because of the goals/rules I have set myself I will not get drunk. I am slowly but surely crawling back to the person I used to be before my dad died(that was when it all started ) . Rosie think about what you want to achieve, be honest and realistic to yourself, onwards and upwards, keep in touch. How old are your girls?:h

[Rosie C]

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That's great advice, even if the goals you set are small, by acheiving them you must gain a feeling of control, which is what I hate most about this situation, the feeling of not being able to control my actions, which is so out of character in every other aspect of my life. I was always confident, outgoing and in control, so I will take your advice and think about the goals to set myself and make sure I do my upmost to acheive them, and bit by bit I can increase them as I start to regain that feeling of self respect and assurity, a good plan, thanks.

My girls are 9 and 11. I have a great relationship with them and don't want my drinking to ruin that so I HAVE to get a grip of this, they mean the worl dto me and they need me, as all children need their Mum. My eldest needs me to be there for her she has much to go through to try to cure her condition and my little one needs me because it takes it's toll on her too in many ways that people do not always consider.

Thanks for the advice:thanks:

[nancy]

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small steps

I really agree that it is good to set realistic goals to avoid disappointment. Try to always be moving forward, progressing toward your goal. IT must be hard to have children and be dealing with this problem. You want to be a good mother but have this demon of addiction to battle.

It's hard work to change behavior but worth the rewards. Take care and welcome to MWO.:welcome:

[Padme]

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Dear Rosie it sounds like life as handed you more than your fair share troubles. I think it is very brave of you to tackle this problem head on. You and your family will be better for it. Welcome

Love & Light

[Rosie C]

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Thank you Padme. I don't feel sorry for myself and most who know me think I am really strong and positive and cope marvellously - little do they know!!

[dessislava]

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Dear Rosie, we all have our reasons for drinking. I have a similar pattern of being able to control myself when out socially, and I don’t drink on week days (important job). I am dreading the weekends nowadays. I am a different person then, a person I don’t like. This is a perfect place to share your thoughts and fears. One step at the time and I am confident the end result will be positive.

[Mags]

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Dear Rosie

It seems like so many of us hide things well and everyone else thinks we are the strong, intelligent, responsible ones. Little do they know!! But it is a secret that can't be hidden forever. And you are right, it does affect the kids although sometimes only in subtle ways. You are right to be doing this for them and for you. We will help you. You will find gobs and gobs of love and support here on MWO. Welcome......:welcome:

[MonaCat]

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Welcome Rosie,
Glad you are here with us.

[shezian]

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HI
Its interesting to read your stories, and even more so from mums. I have twin daughters and my husband and l have had our fair share of arguements especially when we have both been drinking. Just yesterday he stormed out of the car on a busy highway, and l had to drive home with the girls in the car drunk and l drove very fast as l was really upset at my husband. Looking back on yesterday, l just feel so guilty that l put my girls and my life at risk. I just cannot believe l can do this. I have done it once before.
What kind of stupid irresponsible mother am l?? All because of drinking. I don't drink during the week, but l am the opposite to you ladies here. I tend to get out of control when out socially, but when l drink at home with husband, l am usually always in control. I know where my limit are at home. But when out, l just lose all control. I don't know what happens to me. I have told my husband l will give up, and he sais that, that is not the answer and that, its the easy way out, and l should just learn to control it. But l have tried before, and just cannot seem to do it. ALso, l don't want to ever,ever do what l did yesterday again. Never. This is just plain wrong.

I used to be able to just enjoy a few drinks with always being in control, up until about a year ago, when l met this drunk couple and even though l dont' see them anymore l just have never gone back to my normal drinking habits. Not sure what has happened.

So l can understand everyone here, and just sometimes l feel like crying so hard, out of pure guilt at how bad alchohol can turn people into dangerous nasty creatures.

[Popeye]

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Hello Rosie,
Welcome to a lovely place.
shezian, The booze can turn the nicest people into the most stupid and viscious creatures. I know! I've been so stupid and viscious. Like you, I've realised the problem, and am trying to do something about it. The good mother in you knows what to do.