I can't do it.

[Juja]

It's time for me to start posting and reading again, after a long stint of being AWOL.

Another bottle of wine last night--my 5th bottle this week--and a restless night with guilt, depression, fear, and that feeling of failure sitting heavily on my heart this morning.

Since 3 a.m. I've been reading all I can find on AL, and wrestling with parking my ego at the door and going to AA, an AL counselor, or coming back here. So, with tail between legs, I'm back.

I need help, I need support, and I need love. Those are hard words for me to type, as it's hard for me to ask for any of those things. I believe I've never felt worthy of asking, or expecting anything from others, but realize I need to take the risk in order to beat this thing.

My cognitive skills are declining, I have an AL gut, and I'm tired all the time. Having a stroke due to excessive AL consumption is my biggest fear. My blood work has always been good, but I know AL is taking it's toll.

I'm going to check in with the Newbies, and hang there until I get my wings. I'll venture out of the nest once I'm on more solid ground.

Hello to all my loveys in other threads (looking at you, Steppers :h).

Best wishes to everyone struggling. Taking off for the Newbie's now....

:lipstick:
Juja

[roxane]

I can't do it.

lift your tail up juja, youre here for the same reasons as all of us.

if you see old friends here, or had a thread you used to post on, go ahead and say hello again. you know they wont bite.

newbies is a good place to settle down and get your bearings. welcome back.

[treetops]

I can't do it.

Being addicted to AL takes so long and then the grip seems to be for life. It does not have to be like this. Small steps now, post where you feel comfortable and make some doable plans.
You can do this. None of us had magic fairy dust (although I wish there was some) that stopped us from drinking. Don't give up because it is so worth it.

[3June2013]

I can't do it.

You're here because you know it's time to make the change. You know how awesome it will feel once the AL is out of your system and the cravings are in check. That's just a matter of time. You can do this, and you will never regret it!

[Glass Half Empty]

I can't do it.

I'm so sorry you're struggling Juja, but very glad you came back. Stick close to us sweetie. :l

[Rahulthesweet]

I can't do it.

Juja,

Welcome and hey we are allbhere toblove and support you. New bies nest i a great place. We were all like you stuck and today I feel so free. Stick around. Read read and just dont drinkbfor a day. Then another day ... and then you will see fog clearing up.

[available]

I can't do it.

Hi Juja and welcome back. i too came back as i could feel my health failing, i was blaming everything on something other than my al consumption. the anxiety, the nausea, the sores that would not heal, the swollen bleeding gums, the diahhorea, everything that i lived daily until i really really knew this time i had to stop. i had to put in a 100% effort which meant coming on here twice daily and reading and posting and connecting. I spent longer than 2 hours drinking and feeling sorry for myself. Now i have attitude, self confidence and i am really starting to love myself, all due to being on here with like minded people that truly understand where we are coming from. there is no need to feel shame and guilt on mwo, i know i dont.

see you in the NN. xx

[SoberSoul]

I can't do it.

Hi Juju, so glad you are back for another kick at the can. Remember, relapse is part of recovery. This time maybe you have enough of them to make this quit stick. I sure hope I do.

Stay close and post often like everyone says. It's the one of the best tools that's kept me going.

I'll be watching out for your progress posts. All the best.

xx

[j-vo]

I can't do it.

Welcome back Juju,
Your rock bottom sounds like mine, and everyones. The feelings of guilt, anxiety, mental anguish, tiredness, all of the crap that goes with alcohol abuse. I'm glad you're flying into the nest where the support is wonderful. You'll earn your wings and your moon very shortly!

[MossRose]

I can't do it.

Hi Juju. I just wanted to say welcome back and nice to have you here. I can't offer much advice, but it looks like you have already gotten that, so I'll just be around if you need love or support. I completely understand how hard it is to ask and accept such help. Take care of yourself and hope to get to know you better.

[Juja]

I can't do it.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you.

I see some old friends here. :h

Avail, I didn't know you were having such problems. Yikes. I hope they've cleared up with the AL out of your system. I know the diarrhea all too well.

You'll be seeing a lot of me in the nest. I'm going to stick close to it, and branch out later.

Must remember to practice my gratitude in the a.m. I'm keeping my plan simple.

[NoraC]

I can't do it.

Juja - I have been thinking about you so much. :l:l I am so glad that you came back. You are not the only one struggling. I have been hanging on tight here.
Lots of love...........:h:h

[Pavati]

I can't do it.

Welcome back, Juja!

I didn't know you before, but I'm glad you're back. We CAN beat this - with the support of others. There is no shame in asking for and accepting help - I know I ask for a lot and always get it here.

I don't know your story, but I have really enjoyed listening to the podcast The Bubble Hour when I go out for walks. The walking helps calm me down, and the women on the Bubble Hour are accessible as humans in recovery. I haven't listened to this one, but here is the link to the one on Early Sobriety. I'll post it in the nest, too.

Hope you stick close. I just keep imitating those long-time sober people, and so far, so good.

Pav

[scottish lass]

I can't do it.

Hi Juja - loves here, support is here, help is here - you just have to take it - you came back to the right place....:l

[Mr Vervill]

I can't do it.

Welcome Back Juju, stick close.