I've had some random thoughts bouncing around in my head about this whole thing lately and felt like sharing them.
I read a post from someone here very recently (can't remember which thread) about how they didn't feel stable for about four months. It triggered a memory for me of about that time in my sobriety. Around four months, my moods just kind of leveled out, and I was pretty shocked when that happened. I started drinking heavily in college, so for most of my adult life I thought I had minor anxiety, depression, and other minor issues along those lines. No, I was just messed up by alcohol the whole time.
I've read and I believe that it really does take a lot of time for the brain to balance out from all the abuse. We feel some relief right away after quitting, but there is a deep healing that occurs when we really give it some time. That takes "faith," not a "leap of faith" like we do at the very beginning standing in front of the sink pouring it away. It takes an enduring kind of belief that we are doing the right thing.
Sometimes people come here in crisis and we all post "hang in there." I do it myself many times, and then I go back and look at the thread and I'm almost embarrassed by how contrite that sounds. Then I think about it and I believe it is the right thing to say. If we know that we are a bunch of alcoholics, then we know that we are used to just crumbling in the face of anything. Hanging in there is something we don't always have a lot of by ourselves. We all need "hang in there" in our lives, so if one of us is in crisis, we can offer that to each other.
Hanging in there is the right thing to do. We all know that returning to drinking is wrong. Everyone that posts that they are about to do that has said that they know it is wrong, but... Everyone that has come back here after returning to drinking has come back looking for help. I just haven't seen anyone who was sober for a while return to drinking and then say how great it was. I'm not looking for that post either.
I've heard the term "terrible drunk." Boy does that sound familiar. I think I was pretty terrible at being drunk and I sure put my family through some sadness because of it. Other people can drink, but I cannot. From the first few times I really got drunk, I had a thought in the back of my mind: "Uh oh, here comes trouble." Not that that thought mattered, I still wasted years drinking. I have to keep that fresh in my mind; that I knew that kind of trouble was coming but did it anyway. I'm now striving for "pretty good sober."
None of this is directed at anyone in particular! I just read here everyday and think about this stuff a lot. I often find myself in many other people's posts.
"AF is a way of life," posted recently on the 100 day thread. Sorry I can't remember the poster at the moment, but I just love that concept.
Have a great AF day!
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