Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The end - Errrrrrrrr!

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
    #1

    The end - Errrrrrrrr!

    I was doing fine. All of a sudden she texts me my presumable gf. That's how I got into this in the first place. She wants me to let her know she is special, that I want to be with her. All she wants is for me to live her life. I can't do that. In any relationship there is me, you and us. There is no us with her. Saturday I was supporting a friend but after a couple of text messages that amounted to four more shots .... So she tells me she wants to feel special, that she wants to know that she wants to know I want to be with her but she wouldn't drive an hour out of her way 6 hours after I offered her a ride.
    I'm tired of her ADHD shit. She doesn't want to do anything but take her meds. Her house is a mess with barely room to stand. She doesn't want to know what I think. Letting me pick out her psychiatrist was a futile gesture. Now her daughter stopped all therapy, all medication. I remain the enemy, intact for them to focus on as well as her mom whom she is dependent on after almost 60 years. Meanwhile I chose her psychiatrist after consulting the psychiatric nurses I worked with as well as all the research my schooling (BA in psych) as well as the eight years on the psych unit could afford me. But I'm the idiot.

    I feel so bad for her daughter.

    What do I say to her? I can't rescue her if she doesn't want to be rescued. How can I help her daughter? I had a hard enough time leaving the children's home because they came to trust me. (though her daughter is well beyond that I think.) How do I leave when they don't have the strength?

    I thought when I move to IT that the additional money would help us, that I was doing it for us. Instead I get how she needs to feel special and wants to know that I want be with her. I don't know. Had to answer her last text and a little angry. Need a fresh start. Am I out of order? Insane? Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

    At least I don't have jury duty in the morning. Got my celery juice and ..... well, me and you. Another day 1.
    “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

    "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

    Newbies Nest
    Newbies Nest Roll Call
    Toolbox
    Cattleman Cafe
    Tags: None
    #2
    The end - Errrrrrrrr!

    Orimus, I can?t tell you what to do,or decide for you but the situation does sound a bit crazy. Make the decision to do what is healthiest for you! What is going to make you happy. You don?t have to stop being available for this child, if you leave explain, leave this child a way to contact you and tell them that your still their for them. In the meantime, i?m here and listening.

    Comment

      #3
      The end - Errrrrrrrr!

      I try not to be angry. More angry at myself in the end. Oh, and her daughter is 25. Still uses her as an excuse why she can't go out. Girl still doesn't do her own laundry even. Again I try not to be angry. At the parenting. Or anything. But she doesn't want me involved. For eight years.

      Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

      I'm OK until she talks. About herself. What she needs.
      Thanks for the reality check and listening to my vent.
      “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

      "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

      Newbies Nest
      Newbies Nest Roll Call
      Toolbox
      Cattleman Cafe

      Comment

        #4
        The end - Errrrrrrrr!

        Hi Ori, sorry you are going through a hard time with the gf but you are also in early days of being af and that makes us a tad erratic so to speak. I know i was all over the place like a blow fly.

        How was your relationship before you stopped drinking? Good, bad, indifferent? Obviously you like/love her as you are with her.

        We cannot rescue anyone in the early days of giving up al, it is hard enough to keep ourselves above water without turning to al. Maybe you could suggest a break for a bit and tell her you need time to sort yourself out.

        God i am not a wealth of information as i am single but i do know that when i stopped drinking my full time focus was on myself and not drinking. anything else pissed me off big time, even the way people looked at me! Oops. glad to say that has passed except for today when i wanted a gun!

        I do hope it works out for you but big decision making at the moment is probably best put on the back burner unless your relationship was going downhill beforehand.

        Good luck Ori and keep strong and af.
        AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

        Comment

          #5
          The end - Errrrrrrrr!

          Drunk venting but all true none the less.

          Before, after and now Ava. Should've listened to the people who told me to get out but i was going to make it work both before and after her ADHD diagnosis. Actually had a couple months of sobriety in there.

          As you both have pointed out I have to focus on me to get sober, do what is healthiest and happiest. She'll probably not come along for the ride but that's for her to decide.
          “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

          "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

          Newbies Nest
          Newbies Nest Roll Call
          Toolbox
          Cattleman Cafe

          Comment

            #6
            The end - Errrrrrrrr!

            You have some big decisions to make Ori but dont do them whilst giving up drinking, they can wait, they are going nowhere. wait till you are stronger and yes focus on giving up al.

            my son was diagnosed with adhd when he was 11 and ODD, a challenge i must say but totally worth it now he understands what he has to live with.

            take care
            AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

            Comment

              #7
              The end - Errrrrrrrr!

              Orimus, I'm sorry you are having troubles. Gosh, I was already married and divorced by the time I was 25 (I wouldn't suggest that).

              Maybe it is time to move on. It sounds as tho maybe you like rescuing people (it takes one to know one, BTW), but the truth is, you just can't save everybody. Years ago when Oprah (insert eye roll here) would do an interview, she'd ask people, 'What do you know for sure?' If she'd asked me that, I would say, 'People will do what they want to do.' That sounds contrite, but maybe I should put some italics in there. People will DO what they WANT to do. They won't do what they DON'T want to do and it sounds as if she doesn't want to get better....she doesn't want to take your advice....AND she wants what SHE wants, when she wants it. That's a pretty good gig if you can't get it. Try as we might (as rescuers) we can't change these people. They will always DO what THEY want to do.

              Right now, it is time to concentrate on you. Getting sober is job one. There at the end, my hubs finally told me it was him or AL. It was just an awful choice to make but in his giving me that ultimatum, he really saved my life. Maybe if you take some time off from this exhausting and dramatic relationship, you will be saving your life, too. Like they say on planes, you have to secure YOUR oxygen mask first before assisting others. Maybe once you get your house in order, you will be better equipped to take on other things?

              Just an thought from an outsider....everything is easier said than done, I know. Quitting drinking was certainly not what I wanted to do, but I HAD to do it. It was killing me and everything I loved and had worked for. Was it easy? Hell no. Was it worth it? Absolutely! Good luck with all of this, your deserve to be happy!!! Byrdie
              All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
              Tool Box
              Newbie's Nest

              Comment

                #8
                The end - Errrrrrrrr!

                Looks like I texted her back more than I thought.
                “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                Newbies Nest
                Newbies Nest Roll Call
                Toolbox
                Cattleman Cafe

                Comment

                  #9
                  The end - Errrrrrrrr!

                  This looks like a no-win situation to me, my new friend. Is there anything positive for you to gain by remaining in this relationship? Anything?
                  "Remember, you are responsible for creating your life by every thought, action, choice. Choose well." Oprah Winfrey

                  Comment

                    #10
                    The end - Errrrrrrrr!

                    Ava, you're right. I absolutely don't want to make any decision until I've got at least a few weeks AF.

                    Byrdie, some of us rescuer types never learn. :-)

                    Juja, I have no idea lass and I'm not sure what I'm waiting for except to get my head a little more clear.
                    “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                    "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                    Newbies Nest
                    Newbies Nest Roll Call
                    Toolbox
                    Cattleman Cafe

                    Comment

                      #11
                      The end - Errrrrrrrr!

                      Forgive me for I'm on tablet and filled with nic (cigars) and Al. Was feeling truth some (borrowed word from my capt. Mal Reynolds, you'll know or it won't matter) and texted my somewhat girl that we seriously need to talk about us. What I've said to others, now and over the past 20 years, does not exclude me. But even drunk I know she deserves better and so do I. Horny as hell if you'll forgive me and just started thinking of taking advantage of our non-committed relation as ... I don't know. Need to get back to psych. I can be strong for anyone but me. Maybe it's the Al, maybe it's me.
                      “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                      "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                      Newbies Nest
                      Newbies Nest Roll Call
                      Toolbox
                      Cattleman Cafe

                      Comment

                        #12
                        The end - Errrrrrrrr!

                        @$&#. Need to be at work in four hours and need to be in class tonight. (11 hours) Sweet young thing that makes me think of Neil Diamond and gives me hope that tomorrow I'll smile again. Been a good long while despite the fact that I'm an a$$.
                        “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                        "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                        Newbies Nest
                        Newbies Nest Roll Call
                        Toolbox
                        Cattleman Cafe

                        Comment

                          #13
                          The end - Errrrrrrrr!

                          Good weep cleared my nose. Ready for tomorrow now. :-)
                          “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                          "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                          Newbies Nest
                          Newbies Nest Roll Call
                          Toolbox
                          Cattleman Cafe

                          Comment

                            #14
                            The end - Errrrrrrrr!

                            Brandy and cigars sounds good but ... Is this a padded cell?
                            “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                            "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                            Newbies Nest
                            Newbies Nest Roll Call
                            Toolbox
                            Cattleman Cafe

                            Comment

                              #15
                              The end - Errrrrrrrr!

                              And I'm back. Kind of. The only question is what did I just learn about me?
                              “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                              "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                              Newbies Nest
                              Newbies Nest Roll Call
                              Toolbox
                              Cattleman Cafe

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 template Next
                              Working...
                              X