Huh?? It came out of left field...

[briseus]

It's like a switch has gone off...I am not sure why. I am sitting here trying to wrap my head around it...and I keep hitting a roadblock.
I am at 101 days...I had my first sober birthday as well...and there are days where I barely think about alcohol...but not all of a sudden...I am thinking about it...a lot. What it would feel like to drink it...what it would taste like...what I would do...how much 'fun' it would be. I know that I have to remember all the shitty times, and I went back to my journal and reread everything but that addicted voice is particularly loud today. I had anxiety today as well - and on the verge of a panic attack - and I felt like alcohol would tone that feeling down (I know, what a joke). So what gives?? Why these overwhelming feelings all of a sudden?
Is it because I made it 100 days and feel like I did this well...so.....???

Has anyone else experienced these feelings after a "milestone"? To me, 100 days and a sober birthday is a milestone. I did pretty good...and I was on cloud nine there yesterday so what the heck happened? What gives??
Can someone please bring me back down? I don't want to fall off...I don't think I will..but these feelings are also disconcerting...d I need to go back? Do I need to start reading and focusing even more and put forth even more hard work?

What the heck??

[NoSugar]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

I used to cry the day after my birthday all the time when I was a kid, Bri. All the excitement and attention is great but I'd get overstimulated and overtired and so then the big letdown. My mom was smart - she just let me cry it out. Yesterday was more than a birthday - it was a celebration of your rebirth. So feel how you feel. The only thing you have to do for yourself is not drink. I bet tomorrow will be a much brighter day and you'll be back to your good new normal. :l NS

[briseus]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Thank you NS. You know it's funny, I was thinking the same thing earlier. Not a pity party per se but I thought "well, no more special treatment for me anymore". Everyone forgets about you again. I told a friend that we should be feeling like it's our birthday everyday. But we don't. So I am sure that has a lot to do with it, actually, and thanks for bringing that up so I could realize that.

I will keep positive and optimistic for tomorrow. And yes, I just need to not drink.

Ps. Doesn't help that a friend bought me a bottle of wine and have it to me today. I graciously accepted of course. And then turned around and gave it to another friend. Without the gift giver knowing of course.

[available]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Bris these thoughts come and go. The week just been i wanted a wine, i could have gladly got a bottle and drank it and that is at nearly 6 months. I know it will solve nothing, i know i cant drink but fuck it i want to be normal. Through all those thoughts i know deep down i can never "be normal", i can never have a drink. I just cant and its a mourning process as well. Everyday learning to live without al is different, to us alkies, and we just not have to drink for that day and it does get better.

I am sure there will come a day when i dont have those incredible urges but for now i just have to get through them. There is no magic number where we dont want a drink, as i am learning but remember how bad it was drinking and how much better it is now. I want a parade and dancing girls to show everyone how well i am doing, but no such accolades. When i first stopped my children said how proud of me they were etc etc, that has gone now and its just who i am but damn i want to be acknowledged for how well i am doing.

I know how well i am doing so that is the main thing and you are doing absolutely fan farking tastic. If you drink it is your choice and your decision, i realised that the other day and i cant make that decision to drink, i have come too far to fail myself or my family.

You will be okay Bris for now.

xxx

[Ginger999]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Hi Brieus, I'm a complete noob here but just wanted to stop by and tell you that I'm thinking about you and the work you have done so far. You inspire me to keep going. Hopefully this feeling will pass soon and you'll continue on your AF journey. Take care - Ging

[NoSugar]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Ava & Bri,

YOU ARE BOTH DOING WELL!!!

[Pavati]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Hi, Bri:

I felt very blech around 90/100 days - I felt flat and down, and I started to see my mind wandering around the "maybe I could drink some day..." thoughts. The good news is that I came her for support and got a ton of it, and the feelings passed. This is when One Day at a Time really started meaning something (well, it did from about day 3, but REALLY, REALLY around 100).

You are strong and amazing and you'll get through this.

Pav

[caysea]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Hi All
It has been brought up in the past PAWS. Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms.
Search it in MWO or google it. Many of us have experienced what you are going through at different times in recovery. The info about paws might give you some insight.


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF. 5-16-08

[Byrdlady]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Bris, in addition to the valuable advice you have received, I just wanted to share with you that while these thoughts and 'cravings' get further and further apart, sometimes when they hit they are more intense than ever! I had one right about my 3 year mark and Jackie Claire had one at 4 years! They are to be expected. I think it is AL 's way of keeping us humble. Just when you think you have this mastered....BAM! Stay connected here is my advice. Visit the Newbie's Nest and help some newcomers as they fly in this weekend. That will go a long way to reinforcing your commitment!!
If all else fails, FAKE. It till you make it, just do not drink. Push out the misty watercolor memories! They are all lies! They way we were was awful! We were depressed, distraught and desperate! Just see this for what it is....a natural part of the healing process! Stay close! Xo, Byrdie

[scottish lass]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Oh Bri :l
Maybe it is a bit of an anti climax - I know I am waiting patiently for my 100 days that will come two days after my birthday. I keep thinking about reaching 100, visiting the big peoples thread, feeling great and then I wonder about what comes next. You are in the next.....I am sure there is wondering about what now....
I hope that this passes quickly and quietly for you, and so glad you were able to come here and discuss it...

[Kradle123]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Bri.... I am so very very proud of you!! :h
I know I haven't been aound much lately or chimed in on your progress but have followed your incredible journey from afar- thinking a lot about u and chanting for your victory...which you ae well on your way towwrds!!!!

This thread has produced some wonderful dialogue, great advice . :good:wd:job: I can't add much except to say... I'm just so darn proud of you!!!!! :l:h

[briseus]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all your wise and encouraging words...it has helped me by reading them.
Kradle - thank you - I haven't seen you in a while, so it's nice to hear from you.

I would love to answer each person individually but then my post will be HUGE! :P Lol! So...just wanted to give you an update...it makes sense that the cravings can become more intense...because they do! Nowhere nearly as bad as week one or two, thank goodness...but it gets a little annoying, to say the least.
I think it would be a good idea for me to stick around these boards and post in the newbies nest...help others out, that is one thing I have not been doing, which I should be doing.
Today was better...I even went out for a birthday dinner where everyone drank...I had my peppermint tea.
It's true, I am in the 'next'.
Is it sad to say that there are times where I want people to always congratulate me on what a great job I am doing??? Hmm...I guess it's because I know how hard it is...and others don't...and if they did..maybe they would? I don't know....because the work we put in to maintain our sobriety is a lot of freakin hard work - and we become better people for it, I know.

I am not an AA'er...but I have been going to open meetings....gone to 3 the past two weeks. I am not sold on the whole thing (that's just ME)...but I was told to give it a shot by my addictions counselor and take whatever I want from it and leave the rest.
It's nice to talk to people that are going through the same thing..and seeing them face to face and hearing their story...so tomorrow I will go to another one...just to get back on track.
Although...I have already stumbled into one issue with it, but that's for another thread.

So...it's day 102...onto 103.

That ridiculous feeling has passed...but I won't put my guard down...not yet...and probably not for a while...
Do we ever put our guard down though??
Happy Weekend....
And everyone is doing fantastic here too, keep up the good work.

Hope I didn't miss anything - getting late here...

Bri.

Oh and Ginger! I hope you're doing well on your sober journey...don't give up...I hope that my posts aren't discouraging here...this is all so worth it...there are just some bumps in the road from time to time.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Huh?? It came out of left field...

Good job bri! I am on day 163 and I still get the odd out of the blue craving although they are farther apart like Byrdie said. I really struggled around 100 days. I felt very much like "is this all there is?" And very blah like. Pavati said.... Reading about PAWS or listening to a podcast about it really helps .... I have had to learn to accept that yes, this is it. There is no amazing perfect life zapped into being because I quit drinking. There are amazing days and moments. Like waking up without a hangover every day, not worrying about counting alcohol cans/bottles, freedom from hiding and shame, driving whenever I want/need, not planning my activities around drinking, an alert mind that dreams if more than just a drink and checking out.
I think normies realized this in their normal development process (the one we were drinking away)---that life is amazing bc of many amazing moments linked together with a few wow moments interspersed here and there. We alkies seem to think we are entitled to wow moments bc of our struggle to live in reality..... When in actuality that is reality- struggling through some moments, cherishing amazing moments, accepting good and bad, happy and sad.... And being grateful that we are here and alert enough to really see the WOW moments when they happen.