Hi I'd like to keep this short, but I imagine to be properly helped It might turn into an essay. Sorry in advance. I've been a lurker on these forums for a long time.
:new:
Backstory: Have been a heavy nightly drinker for around 10 years (approximately 8 - 12 standard drinks). Have quit cold turkey without knowing the dangers of it many times, for antibiotics, personal reasons or whatever.
I would have considered myself a functional alcoholic, as I never felt like a drink in the daytime, nor did it interfere with any social interactions. It helped very much with getting to sleep with health problems. I have chronic pain and latent ( > 20 year old ) anxiety disorders. Also have heart palpitations that seem to be so far clear but can be exacerbated by over indulgence. I started drinking as a way to manage the former, and it became something I looked forward to every night after work. I am also a pack a day smoker.
About three weeks ago I had a course of antibiotics. Quit cold turkey on the saturday, fine and no symptoms (in fact billiant sleeps and the lovely feeling of waking up at dawn sober) until the end of the course on the following saturday. Celebrated on the sunday night with 2-3 beers, no troubles. Monday night, didn't feel like a drink, went to bed early.
Tuesday morning, approximately 3am, woke up in an incredible sweat. Shrugged it off, tried to go back to sleep. By 3.30 I was about to fall asleep and my heart went MENTAL. Maybe 115bpm (I'm reasonably fit, so 70-90 is normal for me). This triggered the first panic attack I'd had in 15 years. Drove myself to hospital at 110mph, literally. My supercharger was cooked by the time I arrived.
Got into ICU, heart was at 140bpm. They didn't administer anything. Did tests, scans, etc etc etc. About 2 hours later, heart spiked to 160. Calmed down after a short while. Didn't mention anything about cold turkey over the years, nor nightly alcohol consumption. I imagined it was just simply the stress I'd been under over the last week during the course of antibiotics.
Over the next few days, drank the usual 6-8 beers (1.4 std drinks each), starting after 5pm and finishing around 10. Normal sleeps, 4-6am waking as normal, no dreaming (only dream when sober). Heart test results showed some weird things, as long as some other strange health signs, and anxiety kicked in about a day later.
Driving around anxious, I would work myself into a frenzy about having a panic attack. Could constantly feel heart palpitating (has been doing this most of my adult life under times of extreme stress) and I would eventually have a panic attack, each day for the next week. I became obsessed with my health, and test results. Began to drink slightly more than normal at night, and had a few visits to hospital. After one visit, where I was having more than 10 palpitations a minute, I came home exhausted and drank two beers.
This was where it started. The test results were inconclusive and I was asked to do a holter monitor. Anxiety, stress from work and home, and everything was causing me to sleep very little. On the thursday night of the monitor (24h) I drank my usual 8 beers, went for a jog in the afternoon and in the next morning, and did all my usual stuff. It was becoming difficult to walk during this time, I would have a lot of strong head pressure and buzzing. It seemed to only happen when I drank. I never get hangovers.
The next day (the weekend before last) I woke up on the friday morning with the usual extreme panic. This is where I lost control, for the first time in 10 years. I called in sick, and drank 5 beers. By evening, I was desperate for resolution to my problems, but blood tests and CT scans all all of this stuff takes time. I would find myself driving to the hospital, drinking two beers until I couldn't feel my heart or my pain, sitting outside until sober, and then quickly downing 5-7 when I got home.
The saturday, the same, but the anxiety was much worse. I was scared of not being near a hospital or medical clinic, even though they could not help me unless I was really having troubles. I had every trouble imaginable, probably chronic pain exacerbated by extreme anxiety and more drinking. Over the weekend, I would consume 3 beers (5 standard drinks) in the morning, by lunchtime I would have another 3, then at dinner I would drink until I passed out. Unless I was drunk, I was constantly scared of having a panic attack, and did have many. I was terrified of not being near a hospital, and terrified of staying at home unless I was wasted. By monday the quota had increased to 8 beers at night, 4 morning, 4 lunch. I went to get test results, and everything was almost completely normal, except for the pain and the heart, which seems like it will be symptomatic, not problematic. Having to deal with these type of palpitations is apparently quite common.
So monday night I resumed my normal drinking schedule. I had 8. The two - three weeks of abject terror and hell were over and I was peaceful and happy.
The next morning, I woke up and felt just fine, like I used to. I decided I wanted to quit drinking, as the escalation was far too much for my older mind and body, and despite having had so many good times, all good things must come to an end. It was also bothering my that my head was starting to buzz and crawl when I drank, sarting from the top of my head and extending to my right temple. I put this down to chronic sinusitis.
That's when I started reading extensively about tapering off, and realised that after so much abuse to my body, it would be safe. I set up a reasonably agressive taper schedule, and wrote everything in a diary (which I won't post here, as it's about 6 pages long).
So tuesday night drank 2 in the morning, and 6 at night. Wednesday I had nothing in the morning, and 5 1/2 at night. Thursday, nothing in the morning and 4/12 at night.
On thursday morning I woke up without panic, but with extreme pain in my liver and a feeling of severe anxiety. I calmly drove myself to hospital, and they said "look, you're anxious about your last set of results (blood tests) and you have no physical withdrawal symptoms, apart from a little sweating.
I went home, and given what I'd been through for the last three weeks, I was exhausted. Probably no more than 3 hours of sleep a night for 3 weeks. I was so wired with exhaustion I couldn't sleep. By 6am of tossing and turning, I had some very strange "brain zaps" that felt like it feels when you haven't slept for 48 hours. One of them stopped me breathing and triggered a panic attack. I got up, drank 3 beers in 5 minutes, and passed out
Woke up at 9 with the most extreme head buzz and disorientation. Struggled to make it, so I called in. Had a doctor's appointment to find out my results, and was constantly panicky and terrified. Had a panic attack, and the same anxiety and fear I had felt over the last weekend's binge. But this time it was different. Arrived at the doctor's office and waited half an hour with the same incredible buzz in my brain, and very shaky. Still thinking straight. Doctor took me in, registered me at 115/80bp and HR 90. Checked me up, looked at my history, proscribed me 5mg benzos. I said "no thanks, I have a plan, a diary, and a schedule, I'll stick to it. I'll take them if it gets really rough. He said "it IS really rough, your anxiety is through the roof.
The whole drive home, I felt like I would seize then and there. I smoked like a chimney until I got home, ate something, had a beer and a half, and tried to sleep. 7pm came around, still wired as a motherf*****. Drank 4 beers (for a total of 8 1/2 in the day), went to bed after chalking it down to a slip up. Slept until 3am (from 8pm). First drunk dream even, went back to sleep after 4 hours. Got 7 hours total. From 3am, had two beers. My plan was to reduce by 1 per day until 0.
12pm, feeling fine, drank 1 1/2 beers.
4pm, mother of all ****ing panic attacks hit me like a ton of ****ing bricks. Drank 5 beers in a row, slowing down to drink the last by 7. Went to bed at 8:30. Total for the day was 8 1/2, no increase, but no decrease. Noted in diary that switched in two days from drinking only at night to drinking during the day. The huge head buzz and difficulty walking, as well as temple pain and pressure was there in full force.
Within 5 minutes of lying down (realtively sober) I had this HUGE JERK! Involuntarily made a weird "UNNNGH" noise, arm flailed wildly. From all of my readings, I knew what was going on. Mouth started clenching. I asked my friend not to panic, but to drive me to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. No panic attack, pulse couldn't be more than 100, but I couldn't control my muscles correctly, and felt like my brain was going to explode, from the roof of my mouth to my nostrils. Like what you feel after extreme exhaustion. No pain whatsoever.
Got to ED at 9:15, bp 178/110, pulse 110. Calm and collected, but constant extreme shivers and impossible to stop moving. Got into ward instantly, they asked me many questions, felt quite confused but was able to answer to the best of my ability. Friend totally freaking out. Within 10 minutes around 10pm, they gave me 5mg diazepam. Within half an hour, I felt slightly high, and no more symptoms. Bp down to 150/100, pulse steady at 100. Slept 10 minutes while doctor was talking to friend. Stayed overnight, woke up 3am in sweat. Very uncomfortable. Buzzing and symptoms returning.
Given another 5mg diazepam, slept more than 2 hours for first time in 3 weeks. Next morning, breakfast - amazing. Cigarette after breakfast, even better. Discharged after next dose at approximately 9:30am. Prescription for 4x5mg diazepam, follow ups with doctor to find schedule and check bp/progress etc.
48 hours without alcohol now. No cravings, don't feel good from the diazepam, but certainly can walk again properly without feeling like I'm wading through concrete. Head is much clearer, like it used to be when I was sober during the day. Slight headache.
So this brings me to my questions (hopefully you read it, but here's
TL
R
In case you just want to get to the meat of it.
1. Have I done the right thing? Am I on the right medication to control my "withdrawal"?(xanax is banned here, and 20x stronger than the tablet I'm taking).
2. Is the "kindling" process the reason for the sudden and abrupt apparent neurotoxicity and near-seizure-like behaviour that I experienced? If so, why, how, and what mechanism caused it to onset like this? Why am I not experiencing classic withdrawal symptoms such as trmors and hallucinations, or depression etc?
3. Why has the combination of my last cold turkey, my extreme binge over the weekend, and all of this caused a sudden onset of extreme anxiety and panic attacks? They are gone on the diazepam, and I'm just as I was.
4. Am I on the right dosage to prevent any seizure activity occuring? 5mg 4x a day seems very little from what I've read online.
5. Sometimes in the last day, if I am an hour before a dose, the head buzz, temple throbbing, and pressure in head increases and I feel the need to take it early. No clacking of teeth or strange jerks though. Should I? Also, if I feel none of this, should I try to add an hour to my doses?
6. How long is a reasonable time to stay on this regimen, assuming I'm on the right dose? When is the latest I can have a seizure from the alcohol withdrawal? Or have I done permanent damage? When I come off it, I plan to taper off, and abstain from alcohol forever. I have no desire to ever touch a drop again, not even socially. I prefer cups of coffee socially, or I did before my chronic pain.
7. Is it okay to continue smoking (from a chemical perspective) and can I have 1-2 cups of tea a day? Will this impact the effectiveness of the medication I'm on? Can I begin to go for my jogs again? Can I work out?
8. Last night, I had a sensation of consciousness as I was about to fall asleep, but my arms simply wouldn't move. I didn't panic, but it took 20-30 seconds to be able to move them. Is this something I should be concerned about? Is it related to the medication, or the fact that I've probably only slept around 40 hours in 3 weeks?
9. Is it okay to sleep 8 hours, or should I be setting an alarm to take a dose of the medication?
10. When I taper off the benzos, is there something I can take that is not an anti-depressant (I feel emotions very strongly, good and bad, and would like to keep it that way) to control my anxiety? The doctor said tentatively a 2mg dose of diazepam, but I feel an addiction like that would be uncontrollable given my past need to self medicate. I can already feel the benzos making me comfortable with just existing.
Thank you so much for listening everyone, and I hope you can see I've thought, read and researched long and hard about this and still have many questions. I hope someone can answer most of them, even though I've probably posed 20-30, all are as important as the last to me.
Looking forward to the possibility of dealing with my other serious health and minor emotional issues in a way that I used to - smoking, drinking, exercise and sex. Regards, A
:new:
Backstory: Have been a heavy nightly drinker for around 10 years (approximately 8 - 12 standard drinks). Have quit cold turkey without knowing the dangers of it many times, for antibiotics, personal reasons or whatever.
I would have considered myself a functional alcoholic, as I never felt like a drink in the daytime, nor did it interfere with any social interactions. It helped very much with getting to sleep with health problems. I have chronic pain and latent ( > 20 year old ) anxiety disorders. Also have heart palpitations that seem to be so far clear but can be exacerbated by over indulgence. I started drinking as a way to manage the former, and it became something I looked forward to every night after work. I am also a pack a day smoker.
About three weeks ago I had a course of antibiotics. Quit cold turkey on the saturday, fine and no symptoms (in fact billiant sleeps and the lovely feeling of waking up at dawn sober) until the end of the course on the following saturday. Celebrated on the sunday night with 2-3 beers, no troubles. Monday night, didn't feel like a drink, went to bed early.
Tuesday morning, approximately 3am, woke up in an incredible sweat. Shrugged it off, tried to go back to sleep. By 3.30 I was about to fall asleep and my heart went MENTAL. Maybe 115bpm (I'm reasonably fit, so 70-90 is normal for me). This triggered the first panic attack I'd had in 15 years. Drove myself to hospital at 110mph, literally. My supercharger was cooked by the time I arrived.
Got into ICU, heart was at 140bpm. They didn't administer anything. Did tests, scans, etc etc etc. About 2 hours later, heart spiked to 160. Calmed down after a short while. Didn't mention anything about cold turkey over the years, nor nightly alcohol consumption. I imagined it was just simply the stress I'd been under over the last week during the course of antibiotics.
Over the next few days, drank the usual 6-8 beers (1.4 std drinks each), starting after 5pm and finishing around 10. Normal sleeps, 4-6am waking as normal, no dreaming (only dream when sober). Heart test results showed some weird things, as long as some other strange health signs, and anxiety kicked in about a day later.
Driving around anxious, I would work myself into a frenzy about having a panic attack. Could constantly feel heart palpitating (has been doing this most of my adult life under times of extreme stress) and I would eventually have a panic attack, each day for the next week. I became obsessed with my health, and test results. Began to drink slightly more than normal at night, and had a few visits to hospital. After one visit, where I was having more than 10 palpitations a minute, I came home exhausted and drank two beers.
This was where it started. The test results were inconclusive and I was asked to do a holter monitor. Anxiety, stress from work and home, and everything was causing me to sleep very little. On the thursday night of the monitor (24h) I drank my usual 8 beers, went for a jog in the afternoon and in the next morning, and did all my usual stuff. It was becoming difficult to walk during this time, I would have a lot of strong head pressure and buzzing. It seemed to only happen when I drank. I never get hangovers.
The next day (the weekend before last) I woke up on the friday morning with the usual extreme panic. This is where I lost control, for the first time in 10 years. I called in sick, and drank 5 beers. By evening, I was desperate for resolution to my problems, but blood tests and CT scans all all of this stuff takes time. I would find myself driving to the hospital, drinking two beers until I couldn't feel my heart or my pain, sitting outside until sober, and then quickly downing 5-7 when I got home.
The saturday, the same, but the anxiety was much worse. I was scared of not being near a hospital or medical clinic, even though they could not help me unless I was really having troubles. I had every trouble imaginable, probably chronic pain exacerbated by extreme anxiety and more drinking. Over the weekend, I would consume 3 beers (5 standard drinks) in the morning, by lunchtime I would have another 3, then at dinner I would drink until I passed out. Unless I was drunk, I was constantly scared of having a panic attack, and did have many. I was terrified of not being near a hospital, and terrified of staying at home unless I was wasted. By monday the quota had increased to 8 beers at night, 4 morning, 4 lunch. I went to get test results, and everything was almost completely normal, except for the pain and the heart, which seems like it will be symptomatic, not problematic. Having to deal with these type of palpitations is apparently quite common.
So monday night I resumed my normal drinking schedule. I had 8. The two - three weeks of abject terror and hell were over and I was peaceful and happy.
The next morning, I woke up and felt just fine, like I used to. I decided I wanted to quit drinking, as the escalation was far too much for my older mind and body, and despite having had so many good times, all good things must come to an end. It was also bothering my that my head was starting to buzz and crawl when I drank, sarting from the top of my head and extending to my right temple. I put this down to chronic sinusitis.
That's when I started reading extensively about tapering off, and realised that after so much abuse to my body, it would be safe. I set up a reasonably agressive taper schedule, and wrote everything in a diary (which I won't post here, as it's about 6 pages long).
So tuesday night drank 2 in the morning, and 6 at night. Wednesday I had nothing in the morning, and 5 1/2 at night. Thursday, nothing in the morning and 4/12 at night.
On thursday morning I woke up without panic, but with extreme pain in my liver and a feeling of severe anxiety. I calmly drove myself to hospital, and they said "look, you're anxious about your last set of results (blood tests) and you have no physical withdrawal symptoms, apart from a little sweating.
I went home, and given what I'd been through for the last three weeks, I was exhausted. Probably no more than 3 hours of sleep a night for 3 weeks. I was so wired with exhaustion I couldn't sleep. By 6am of tossing and turning, I had some very strange "brain zaps" that felt like it feels when you haven't slept for 48 hours. One of them stopped me breathing and triggered a panic attack. I got up, drank 3 beers in 5 minutes, and passed out
Woke up at 9 with the most extreme head buzz and disorientation. Struggled to make it, so I called in. Had a doctor's appointment to find out my results, and was constantly panicky and terrified. Had a panic attack, and the same anxiety and fear I had felt over the last weekend's binge. But this time it was different. Arrived at the doctor's office and waited half an hour with the same incredible buzz in my brain, and very shaky. Still thinking straight. Doctor took me in, registered me at 115/80bp and HR 90. Checked me up, looked at my history, proscribed me 5mg benzos. I said "no thanks, I have a plan, a diary, and a schedule, I'll stick to it. I'll take them if it gets really rough. He said "it IS really rough, your anxiety is through the roof.
The whole drive home, I felt like I would seize then and there. I smoked like a chimney until I got home, ate something, had a beer and a half, and tried to sleep. 7pm came around, still wired as a motherf*****. Drank 4 beers (for a total of 8 1/2 in the day), went to bed after chalking it down to a slip up. Slept until 3am (from 8pm). First drunk dream even, went back to sleep after 4 hours. Got 7 hours total. From 3am, had two beers. My plan was to reduce by 1 per day until 0.
12pm, feeling fine, drank 1 1/2 beers.
4pm, mother of all ****ing panic attacks hit me like a ton of ****ing bricks. Drank 5 beers in a row, slowing down to drink the last by 7. Went to bed at 8:30. Total for the day was 8 1/2, no increase, but no decrease. Noted in diary that switched in two days from drinking only at night to drinking during the day. The huge head buzz and difficulty walking, as well as temple pain and pressure was there in full force.
Within 5 minutes of lying down (realtively sober) I had this HUGE JERK! Involuntarily made a weird "UNNNGH" noise, arm flailed wildly. From all of my readings, I knew what was going on. Mouth started clenching. I asked my friend not to panic, but to drive me to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. No panic attack, pulse couldn't be more than 100, but I couldn't control my muscles correctly, and felt like my brain was going to explode, from the roof of my mouth to my nostrils. Like what you feel after extreme exhaustion. No pain whatsoever.
Got to ED at 9:15, bp 178/110, pulse 110. Calm and collected, but constant extreme shivers and impossible to stop moving. Got into ward instantly, they asked me many questions, felt quite confused but was able to answer to the best of my ability. Friend totally freaking out. Within 10 minutes around 10pm, they gave me 5mg diazepam. Within half an hour, I felt slightly high, and no more symptoms. Bp down to 150/100, pulse steady at 100. Slept 10 minutes while doctor was talking to friend. Stayed overnight, woke up 3am in sweat. Very uncomfortable. Buzzing and symptoms returning.
Given another 5mg diazepam, slept more than 2 hours for first time in 3 weeks. Next morning, breakfast - amazing. Cigarette after breakfast, even better. Discharged after next dose at approximately 9:30am. Prescription for 4x5mg diazepam, follow ups with doctor to find schedule and check bp/progress etc.
48 hours without alcohol now. No cravings, don't feel good from the diazepam, but certainly can walk again properly without feeling like I'm wading through concrete. Head is much clearer, like it used to be when I was sober during the day. Slight headache.
So this brings me to my questions (hopefully you read it, but here's
TL
RIn case you just want to get to the meat of it.
1. Have I done the right thing? Am I on the right medication to control my "withdrawal"?(xanax is banned here, and 20x stronger than the tablet I'm taking).
2. Is the "kindling" process the reason for the sudden and abrupt apparent neurotoxicity and near-seizure-like behaviour that I experienced? If so, why, how, and what mechanism caused it to onset like this? Why am I not experiencing classic withdrawal symptoms such as trmors and hallucinations, or depression etc?
3. Why has the combination of my last cold turkey, my extreme binge over the weekend, and all of this caused a sudden onset of extreme anxiety and panic attacks? They are gone on the diazepam, and I'm just as I was.
4. Am I on the right dosage to prevent any seizure activity occuring? 5mg 4x a day seems very little from what I've read online.
5. Sometimes in the last day, if I am an hour before a dose, the head buzz, temple throbbing, and pressure in head increases and I feel the need to take it early. No clacking of teeth or strange jerks though. Should I? Also, if I feel none of this, should I try to add an hour to my doses?
6. How long is a reasonable time to stay on this regimen, assuming I'm on the right dose? When is the latest I can have a seizure from the alcohol withdrawal? Or have I done permanent damage? When I come off it, I plan to taper off, and abstain from alcohol forever. I have no desire to ever touch a drop again, not even socially. I prefer cups of coffee socially, or I did before my chronic pain.
7. Is it okay to continue smoking (from a chemical perspective) and can I have 1-2 cups of tea a day? Will this impact the effectiveness of the medication I'm on? Can I begin to go for my jogs again? Can I work out?
8. Last night, I had a sensation of consciousness as I was about to fall asleep, but my arms simply wouldn't move. I didn't panic, but it took 20-30 seconds to be able to move them. Is this something I should be concerned about? Is it related to the medication, or the fact that I've probably only slept around 40 hours in 3 weeks?
9. Is it okay to sleep 8 hours, or should I be setting an alarm to take a dose of the medication?
10. When I taper off the benzos, is there something I can take that is not an anti-depressant (I feel emotions very strongly, good and bad, and would like to keep it that way) to control my anxiety? The doctor said tentatively a 2mg dose of diazepam, but I feel an addiction like that would be uncontrollable given my past need to self medicate. I can already feel the benzos making me comfortable with just existing.
Thank you so much for listening everyone, and I hope you can see I've thought, read and researched long and hard about this and still have many questions. I hope someone can answer most of them, even though I've probably posed 20-30, all are as important as the last to me.
Looking forward to the possibility of dealing with my other serious health and minor emotional issues in a way that I used to - smoking, drinking, exercise and sex. Regards, A
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